[granite1]

lat week my T touched me . I was not in a good place and at the time it was the least of my issues .in fact I didn't think much of it in itself but was focused on the whole T session last week . for the most part I have avoided thinking about her touching me but have not been able to anymore . I feel completely ashamed of how I was during my last session. now thinking about her touching me has made that worse. I cant help but think she so disgusted with me in general and now she has touched me . it had to horrible for her. I see myself as rather repulsive . anyway I feel I contaminated her by her doing this . I wish she had not done it . at the time it seemed ok .

I know a lot of people here crave touch from the T but are their people who feel so repulsive that if the T touches them it complicates this even more . I hope my T never does it again as I don't think it will help me at all, it just makes me feel more ashamed in the end .

[stopdog]

What you describe does not sound like disgust to me. It sounds more like an attempt to ground. But if one does not like it, I think one gets to tell a therapist to never touch them no matter what.
There may be a distinction for the therapist between the client does not like to be touched at all (my approach) versus the client does like being touched or wants to like being touched but fears it due to X,Y, or Z.

[IndestructibleGirl]

She obviously was drawn to you to touch you out of care, perhaps like Stopdog suggests trying to help to ground you. That isn't disgust! People are generally not inclined to touch those who disgust them.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by stopdog

What you describe does not sound like disgust to me. It sounds more like an attempt to ground. But if one does not like it, I think one gets to tell a therapist to never touch them no matter what.
There may be a distinction for the therapist between the client does not like to be touched at all (my approach) versus the client does like being touched or wants to like being touched but fears it due to X,Y, or Z.

I don't know witch one I am but I agree with you .I am not a big fan at all of being touched by my T .but when she did it was not that horrifying until later when my head was clear enough to think about it . and then I came up with the thoughts of her being disgusted and horrified by having to touch me and how humiliated it left me feeling . it isn't worth being left with those feelings . so im not sure if hands off is a better approach

Originally Posted by granite1

I cant help but think she so disgusted with me in general and now she has touched me . it had to horrible for her. I see myself as rather repulsive .

That's only your perception of things.

My psych doctor told me he could tell from our first meeting I "wasn't the kind of guy you slapped on the back", but we had a very good relationship and I liked him more than any doctor I've ever had.

Sadly, he moved his practice. I didn't like the new one I got stuck with and not seeing one now.

[stopdog]

Or you could tell her about it and see if she will tell you why she did it. I am not a big fan of letting them talk a lot - but I do believe in getting them to clarify and in the client getting to tell them what the therapist does that is distressing. I would find it beneficial to say aloud my thoughts on it even if I did not let the therapist respond.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

She obviously was drawn to you to touch you out of care, perhaps like Stopdog suggests trying to help to ground you. That isn't disgust! People are generally not inclined to touch those who disgust them.

i wonder if she would do it as a part of her job. but to not really want to touch me but felt obligated to . it is ok if she felt it was her job .i just would rather her feel she doesn't need to do that and in some ways it might make thing worse and more complicated . do you not think a T would touch you to ground you out of obligation to her job? but not particularly care to do so

Originally Posted by granite1

do you not think a T would touch you to ground you out of obligation to her job? but not particularly care to do so

No. And in your case, I tend to think it was more of a spontaneous gesture.

I can't see how a therapist would think that touching a client is grounding, especially if they have indicated through words or body language that they don't want that. Mine has caught herself a few times, reaching a hand up as I leave, but then stops because she knows I don't want to be touched. I appreciate that she remembers and also that her impulse had been to reach out. So no, I don't see this sort of thing as an obligation at all.

Granite... You are not disgusting so I don't see why your T would feel disgusted by touching you!

I do understand that feeling of being disgusting and that somehow it would be a contagious thing...so you don't want others to touch you... And yet I crave it at times...

Also, I don't think your T does anything out of obligation... She has strong boundaries.

I don't think she would touch you as part of her job as most T's seem to do the opposite - they refuse to touch. I really don't think she would have been disgusted.

[musinglizzy]

There's no reason for T or anyone else to be disgusted by you.... I think it's fairly common for some people to not want to be touched, and that's ok. If I was in therapy 20 years ago, there's no way in hell my T would be touching me. NO WAY. But just life experiences have changed me since than, and although I'm not comfortable with touch by all, I'm completely comfortable with T touch... in fact, it does help me feel more validated, more grounded, when she does. But she knows I'm ok with it. Just make sure to let your T know you are not comfortable with touch... I'm sure they know well not to touch someone who's asked not to be, and would be understanding about it. Therapy is supposed to be a safe place, and if your T touching you makes you feel unsafe, you need to let them know. (((HUGS)))

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by granite1

i wonder if she would do it as a part of her job. but to not really want to touch me but felt obligated to . it is ok if she felt it was her job .i just would rather her feel she doesn't need to do that and in some ways it might make thing worse and more complicated . do you not think a T would touch you to ground you out of obligation to her job? but not particularly care to do so

No, I don't think a T would touch out of obligation. My T often reminds me that he is capable of deciding whatever he does and does not want to do. He says my behavior will never force him to do anything, because he is in charge of deciding how he will react.

There are plenty of grounding techniques she could have used. She wasn't touching you out of obligation. She wanted to help you.

You know, T's are not focused on us in the same way we are focused on us.
IF feelings of disgust come up for a T, they use that. They don't act it out.
They think about who else felt that way about you in your past. They think about you thinking about that way about yourself.
We are none of us, omnipotent.

[FranzJosef]

Granite, I think she touched you to show that she is NOT disgusted with you.

People don't touch things they find disgusting.

[ragsnfeathers]

It was my impression that a therapist should ask permission before touching a client, especially the first time. I think that's the way it should be handled and not just in therapy. Everyone has different attitudes about touch. Personally I would prefer to not use touch in therapy. Fortunately it's never come up.