[Raging Quiet]

I have two phobias and one of them includes using a telephone to call someone, (I can somehow do this at work for my role), but at home I break into a sweat when the phone rings or I have to call someone, even a family member. This leads on to my second point, since going on maternity leave, I have become more and more unable to leave the house. I suffered with this big time many years ago but my hubby worked part time whilst at uni and was able to help me. He is at work full time now. I order my shopping online and pay the bills online etc and going to t's near my maternity appointments on the same bus was the only time I saw her a few weeks ago and hubby was with me.

This means I cannot call my t on the phone to explain and because I can no longer get out the house by myself (there are a whole load of reasons for this) I really don't feel I can see my t anymore. I know she will be so peed off if I send her an email cancelling all sessions, after 8 years, by email. I don't drive and need to get a taxi to t's and even calling a taxi is something I cannot do.

However thinking about trying to call her makes me feel so panicky, tearful and Ill.

I just can't physically see her now, I have no energy, no way to get there and don't want to go outside as my hubby finishes work after I am due to leave to see her.

She's retired, doesn't skype and hasn't been able to help with the phone issue as long as I've been there. I told her I felt triggered that this may happen again but she said I needed to rest etc.

I feel so stupid that I am so functioning in some ways and terrified of simple things in other ways.

My pregnancy has caused me some concerns and I do need support, but I just think emailing t will make her furious as she never quite understood the phone issue.

I just don't think I can go there anymore. Do you think she will accept a letter if I ask my hubby to post it? Is that better? Any advice would be appreciated.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi there Raging Quiete

I am sorry to hear about the challenge you are facing with regards to phone calls.

We all experience our own unique phobias and they are real to each and every one of us.

You sound like you suffer from quite a bit of anxiety (well, this is my personal opinion certainly not a professional one as I have GAD).

It is convenient for you to do online purchases etc as it prevents you from having to get out there. It's an easy way to get things done without having to face your fears. I understand.

My personal opinion is that T - the good ones - do not feel things like "anger" or "disappointment" etc towards their patients. They are professionals. They are certainly not there to pat us on the back when we are displaying negative behaviour either by any means and can point out destructive paterns and work with us to help us mitagate such behaviours that may be imparing our day to day function in real life. The idea of personal anger or resentment from your T is understandable. But no. This would not occur from a professional one.

You are not stupid. Please dispell this thought immediately. You are merely displaying behaviours that are reflective of the inner turmoil. That's all. We all do it. I jump on a desk when I see a spider. This does not mean I am stupid. This means I have a phobia of spiders and I absolutely can not go near them.

Pregnancy does all sorts of things to our hormones. I understand.

You're bypassing and thinking of ways to bypass outright. Letter / Email / Skype / Husband dropping off letters.

This is excuses and avoidance of the issue. Like when I jump up on a desk to avoid the spider.

So please don't conjure up further excuses.

You know what I did last week?

I turned my phone off for days because I KNEW my psychiatrist was trying to get hold of me and I was avoiding her like the plague! I'm not joking. I was jumping on the desk like when I see a spider. Yeah, it did occur to me at the time that she may be mad at me for doing this but that's nonsense thinking.

I switched my phone on this week and SUPRISE SUPRISE she rang me from a different number because she knew if her number showed up on the screen I'd jump up on the desk like a spider.

Well I was kind of expecting her to bite me like a spider.

Didn't happen at all really.

How I had preconceived the situation and what actually happened are two different things.

You can do it.

You know what needs to be done.

Go ahead.

Make personal contact.

You don't need to jump on the desk.

[Lauliza]

After my first pregnancy I had a similar problem. T wasn't involved but my anxiety level was so bight I got to the point where I couldn't leave the house. There was only one thing for me to do in the situation and that was to force myself. More recently, i have been in the position of being terrified to call my T. One thing I'd do was call when He wouldnt be there and leave a voicemail. When he called back sometimes I'd force myself to pick up. They don't get angy at all. Email actually is a good start, so long as she checks them. Dont use it to cancel, try to use it to explain your phobias. I know email is not for therapy explaining whats going on with you might prompt her to take some steps via email to encourage you. if she doesnt understand then maybe she can help you find someone who does.

Phone phobia is not that unusual and will significantly effect your life if you dont receive proper help. However the only way you can keep yourself from falling deeper into isolation is to challenge yourself to do what you have to do, even if its baby steps at first. Not only for you but for your baby too.

If the only way you can communicate is by letter, why wouldn't she accept it? You're in the throes of anxiety. No option looks viable. It might be good to suggest an alternative, though, or ask her to suggest one, just to open things up a bit. Is there a service that provides in home therapy for phobias? Maybe you can get someone else to help with the phone phobia or the agoraphobia as a step to getting back into therapy? It doesn't have to be all or nothing, either/or. There have got to be some in-betweens that feel like forward movement.

[scorpiosis37]

On a practical level, if you can't call a taxi on the phone, you can use the "uber" app on your phone (depending on your location) to get a taxi to take you to T-- at least once to end things in person.

I think the idea of seeking out a T who specializes in phobias and can come to your house is a very good one. If this T is unable to help with the phone phobia, then perhaps seeing a different T would be more helpful. I know you have managed a long time with the phone phobia, but it may be different once your baby comes. If there were an emergency and your baby needed help and your husband wasn't around, then you would want to be able to call for help. Or just do simple things like communicate with your child's teachers or their friends' parents. Dealing with phobias is really hard, but with the right T, you can take baby steps towards overcoming them.

[Raging Quiet]

Thank you everyone for sharing your advice and experiences. It is so appreciated.

[BonnieJean]

Maybe you could ask your husband to phone in your message to t?

[Raging Quiet]

Hello,

I ended up writing a short email to to explaining that it was possible I may not get to her as I was dealing with anxiety of leaving my home (I last saw her 2 weeks ago)

She said she had apparently sent me an email changing the time to earlier (I never received this) but her main reply to the above was "well, see you if you can make it".

I must have been seeing her nine years.. So her reply made me feel isolated. I have not been in much contact or outside or spoken face to face with many people in the last three weeks. Part of me wished we could have arranged an action plan about what would happen if I couldn't turn up.. I imagine she would not contact me if I don't attend my next scheduled session and that therapy would then end abruptly. I sometimes think seeing her so long has removed some professionalism, surely if you had a client that became agoraphobic, you would terminate properly or refer on to someone who could help?

Only time will tell. I imagine if I do manage to get to the session and tell her i can't come anymore, she will let me go and it will just be me, on my own, like many years ago when I suffered badly with argophobia. My husband is at breaking point with his life and looking after me. I can't wait to have my baby because I know going out will be easier again.. (the argophobia is linked to my pregnancy at the point..)

Sorry for the ramble.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Where do you live?

There are apps that can order a cab for you on your phone, in a lot of cities and towns now?