[mortalache]

I went into my session this afternoon with a list of new conclusions about my situation/progress, expecting to feel as if I was coming full circle and ready to move on. But as usual, my expectations fail terribly. I was told how other patients have already established new arrangements (my T is retiring in April), so I instantly feel like a disappointment in comparison for not being more prompt. This whole thing is still difficult for me to get through. Just when things seemed to be going well for once, I get the news he is retiring and my world starts to fall apart. I said I would not be returning for another appointment before I left today and I feel sorry. It’s not the goodbye I was hoping to part ways with.

When will I stop feeling like I’ve been thrown away? This question is stuck in mind and I really don’t know what I’ll do next. Continuing treatment with anyone else seems pointless, and with my medication—I may not be with a low and depressed mood so often now, but the emptiness has just had more room to grow. I may give up the pills too as it seems feeling sorrowful all the time would be better than absolutely empty toward my life and future. I’m no good no matter what state of mind I guess. And there’s really no one to turn to now.

[Ruftin]

(((mortalache))) Your T retiring does not = you being thrown away. A new T may be a positive experience, that could take you even farther into recovery than your old T. You owe it to yourself to move forward and try as it seems you've made great progress.

Stopping your meds would only serve to punish yourself and for what gain. Numbness is even more painful than depression. You don't deserve that.

You are grieving your old T. This is actually a natural emotion. Let it come but don't let it stay for long. You have a life to live!!! Best wishes!!!!

[Hexagram]

What Ruftin said. This is a painful and stressful transition for you, but you'll eventually find another therapist with whom you can make a connection and progress. Don't despair, and don't give up any pills.

Sending you hugs during this undeniably rough time.

[mortalache]

Originally Posted by Ruftin

(((mortalache)))
You are grieving your old T. This is actually a natural emotion. Let it come but don't let it stay for long. You have a life to live!!! Best wishes!!!!

Thank you for helping me see this differently. I know it is not rational to feel "thrown away", and I'm embarrassed it's that way when nothing really has been done to me at all. Separations in general put in mind rejection, and I suppose it's all the more reason I still need to continue treatment...

I will call a referred Psychiatrist tomorrow and hopefully get an appointment within the next month. Really hoping this try won't discourage further effort to find a good fit. Right now I fear the worst is all I can expect, so I will just wait and see first.

[Ruftin]

Keep trying even if the next T isn't a perfect fit. Try 10 more T's if you have to. Who knows, you may just find someone you like even more than the T you're losing!!

[Ruftin]

_____ _____

[Restin]

It's really, really, really difficult, I know. Special thoughts for you!