[mckbrd]

I've recently gone for counseling for depression (undiagnosed, suspected to have it), and the first session went great. We scheduled for another appointment 10 days later, but she went on sick leave and I've been in a very bad shape ever since, it's like I'm very dependent on her now, even though it's only been one session. The centre called me to tell me to reschedule, but they didn't get back to me in a day so I emailed, and then called her, and I sort of became very cold towards her because I have this nagging feeling that she thinks I'm not important at all, and my case could wait. And so I replied her curtly and then hung up on her. Is this normal, and will she treat me differently? Or hate me for this?

[SoupDragon]

I think T's know we go to see them as we may have a range of things that may impact on us and which we need to work through. If this T did treat you differently as a result of this, then I think you could find a better more experienced one that would be able to see through the defences. Soup

this is normal and she will not hate you at all, that's not how Ts work.

To be dependent after one session is pretty intense. It takes time to get to know each other before you can make that kind of judgement about whether or not this is a good fit. She may not be the right therapist for what you need. Give it a few more visits and see. But do try to cut her some slack if she's been on sick leave, because that has nothing at all to do with you or your worth.

I think starting therapy can bring up a lot of emotion. I had to wait two weeks between my first three appointments and that was excruciating, later I settled into the rythm of weekly appointments, but always was conscious of the wait each week to see her again.

[mckbrd]

I feel mighty guilty though, to the point where it actually weighs me down because I felt like I was treating her unfairly. She is my first T and I've never had anyone so attentive to me before and it lifted up my spirits by that much, and it's like I'm craving for that kind of relief again. I know it's too soon to rely on her so much, but so far she's been a lot better than anyone I've came across in my life and it's all so new for me I guess.

It can't be the T par see as you don't know her.
Perhaps it's the hope you have in her you are 'dependent' on.
I think that can be a good thing. It can be the drive we need to face the hard stuff

[SnakeCharmer]

Maybe that whole interaction had more to do with issues other than dependency. It sounds kind of angry -- hanging up on her; and kind of like not being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes (empathy) --the part about feeling abandoned because she was sick; and kind of like low self-worth -- the part about thinking you're not important; and kind of panicky -- the part about thinking she might hate you.

In other words, maybe all sorts of basic issues came to the forefront after only one appointment and that's really good. Sometimes it takes people years to get that far.

Do you think you can talk to her about it, about how you felt and how guilty it all made you feel later? That's all really good material for therapy and it's all right there on the surface. Sounds like a pretty good start to therapy. Not calm, cool and collected, maybe, but still a lot of really good stuff to talk about.

I hope your therapy goes well.

[mckbrd]

Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer

Maybe that whole interaction had more to do with issues other than dependency. It sounds kind of angry -- hanging up on her; and kind of like not being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes (empathy) --the part about feeling abandoned because she was sick; and kind of like low self-worth -- the part about thinking you're not important; and kind of panicky -- the part about thinking she might hate you.

In other words, maybe all sorts of basic issues came to the forefront after only one appointment and that's really good. Sometimes it takes people years to get that far.

Do you think you can talk to her about it, about how you felt and how guilty it all made you feel later? That's all really good material for therapy and it's all right there on the surface. Sounds like a pretty good start to therapy. Not calm, cool and collected, maybe, but still a lot of really good stuff to talk about.

I hope your therapy goes well.

Wow this is a very thorough reply, thank you so much! I might bring these up, I've a session with her in a few hours and I'm quite nervous about how she'll see me, but I hope everything goes well. Thank you for all of your responses!

[jane77]

After one session, to be so dependent is probably unusual. You may want to talk to her about it as others have suggested. Your T might be better able to help you mitigate over-dependency from the start if she knows how you feel.

Good Luck!