Mother's Day... in advance

LCM absolutely does know how to set up direct deposit. We discussed that for a while. The problem with that is that my mother does not know how to do it and wanted LCM to talk to my father about it. LCM isn't comfortable speaking to him so we didn't set that up.

It's not exactly so simple that I get the money to use as I want. If I didn't see LCM, I wouldn't be getting the money at all. Someone asked how my mom framed paying for LCM and not my food in her head, and I said I think she sees it kind of like that. It doesn't necessarily make sense. She wouldn't be paying for my food and stuff either way.

The mother doesn't know, not LCM. No it doesn't matter to me. I am just repeating what op said how money is being transferred. It is ok to pay for whatever services.

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money is for paying LCM. It is ok to pay for whatever services. It is not the point. Asking for gifts when you are paid service provider is weird.



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Good! You shouldn't feel pressured to do it, which was my concern.

Yeah she is weird

The whole idea that she suggested that you get her anything for Mother's Day is just weird, regardless of who she is. Eccentric or unconventional doesn't explain it- it's a social blunder made worse that she's saying it to a client.

i hate mothers day. it's already been and gone in the UK.

After looking in to it again I wonder if she meant she wants plant for Mother's Day to decorate her office in general not from you. But when you assumed she wants it from you then she played along. Didn't want to upset you by saying she wants it, but from her family not you. It makes some sense.

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I say buy yourself a plant, one that makes you smile, Take a selfie with it and email LC a happy mothers day card !

Plants are healthy to have around

That sounds vindictive. I don't want a plant for myself and I never take selfies. I hate seeing my face.

I wouldn't buy her a card

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Vindictive?? I don't see how that could be ... Buying yourself a plant would be a nice gift to yourself.

Your LC basically asking you for a gift and even what she wants? Now that ???? Sorry that sounds ridiculous, But the sloppy boundaries things answer that obvious question.

So, LCM sees herself back in the mother-ish role again, asking for a present for Mother's Day. Wasn't it not long ago that LCM had backed off from the maternal role...causing pain and confusion for the OP?

I see a definite problem if LCM takes the non-maternal position again...after encouraging it.
And, no, it is not ethical for a paid professional to ask for presents. I wouldn't even do that to a good a friend.

LCM is confusing and inconsistent. She also has bad manners.

Reinforcing someone's misguided idealization of you by asking them to buy you a present that for a holiday that is specifically for one person in your life? Mother's Day is for mothers.

Sure, sometimes people will buy someone else a gift if they've been like a mother (or to celebrate someone who is a new mother) and often grandmother's get included in this stuff.

But someone who is being paid to treat you like a therapist? No. That is just wrong.

It's inappropriate and it isn't helpful. It's like a predator playing around with it's prey... letting it get a glimpse of what it wants (in the prey's instance freedom, in growli's a mother) and then tearing it away again. It's just plain cruel.

So am I the only one who thinks she was just talking about wanting a plant for her office and that would be good to get for Mother's Day ( from her family not her client), but since growli assumed that LCM talking about her LCM just went along as to not upset growli?

In the past growli got upset when LCM mentioned her child. Nothing in her original statement says she wants it from growli. It wAs just maybe wishful thinking?

If a student of mine says he wants new shoes for Christmas it doesn't mean he wants me to buy him shoes but just a general desire for new shoes

Am I off?


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I agree with you...I don't think she was asking for a plant from Growli.

I agree. I think it is disgusting.

It changes the whole story if we are right

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No she asked me directly. We were talking about giving and taking in a relationship. I said I want to be giving towards her, but due to the nature of our relationship, I couldn't. She said if I wanted to be giving, she wants a plant for Mother's Day that gives off a lot of oxygen for her office. Said I'd have to look up what plants are cheap and give off high levels of oxygen. She could just be giving an example of something I could do, but idk.

Dang it, I hoped it was just general conversation.

If she wanted to give you examples of how to be giving she could say you can do XYZ things for people. It didn't have to be what you can go for HER (she already getting paid) and why in her opinion being giving means spending money? College student and her client has to be spending money on her to be giving? And for Mother's Day? When she already said she won't be your mother. I really hoped it was just a conversation.

I teach teens many things (many on my case load are actually your age or close), if they ask me how to be nice to people or how to be giving the last thing on my mind would be "you can buy me a gift". Lol



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It's not cruel. She is very well meaning and doesn't want to hurt me. She wouldn't use me for anything. She asks me for stuff sometimes, yes. She asked me to review her on her website, help her set up an account, look at her website and tell her how it runs for her, she asked me to ask someone within my circle about an ENT, she asked me for a clock because I complained that she didn't have one, and now a plant. I didn't get her a clock. She asks for things because she knows I'd happily help if I can. She's not my predator. I'm not her prey. She doesn't pretend to be my mother. Well she does sometimes in a way. She has recently been enjoying taking me shopping. I can't really buy anything, but she likes (trying to) dress me up and talk about my clothing.

Who uses a clock anymore ? People have cell phones for such minor silly matters

I am super sensitive to noises. It's been a lot better this past year, but it gets hard again when I'm feeling vulnerable. I can't handle clocks that tick because they remind me of the clock that ticked in that bedroom.

She was setting an alarm on her phone. Every time it goes off to end the session, I would hit the ceiling and get scared. So I asked her to find a different solution.

It is ok to have a clock. But She asked YOU for a clock? For real? She can't buy one?

She asks you for things because she knows you would happily help her? Why does she want your help? You are her client and college student. How is that ok? That's manipulative.

She takes you shopping even though you can't buy anything and asks you for gifts when she knows you can't afford it she wants gifts for a Mother's Day when she knows she can't be your mother etc that's manipulative

She is either not very smart or is manipulative or simply is not good at what she does, she in a very wrong profession.

I know you like her but it just bothers me that all this costs money

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I agree with Divine. Either she is naive and doing a really poor job or she is being intentionally manipulative. No paid professional would ask a client for a gift or ask a client to do an unpaid favor. Not a T, not a dentist, not a fitness trainer, not a mail carrier, not a dog walker, etc. it's simply unprofessional. She asks Growli because it's easy and convenient and she knows she'll come running when she calls. That's the transference. It also sounds like Growli's life coaching revolves around LC deciding what she thinks would be fun or cool to do with Growli. The LC enjoys having Growli dress up in clothes she picks out. But does it help with Geowli's issues? Does it heal childhood trauma? Reduce anxiety? I doubt it-- not to mention Growli couldnt afford to buy the clothes even if she wanted to.

Just by way of comparison around gift giving, my T allows things like cards and handmade gifts. She does not allow store bought gifts. Last week, I recommended a book to her that I had just read. She ended up deciding to recommend that book to her book club and mentioned she was having trouble locating a copy of the book. I offered her my copy and she turned it down. I had already paid for it, read it, and no longer had a use for it. She clearly wanted the book, and had a use for it. Still, her ethics prevented her from accepting it. That may be a little extreme, but that is what is considered "ethical" to prevent a T from potentially abusing the client's transference and desire to please.