Just Now Changing

I have a question.

I've been having a really rough time. Yesterday my T said that though ive been in therapy for 2 years with her, ive just now (in the last 2 months) have been "doing the work". I felt so offended because I feel like I've been working hard all along. I wont even ask if I should be taking it a different way. I just wonder if shes been thinking all along that I havent been working hard. What if I cant control my current progess. it hurts

Why not ask her up front, ''what did you mean when you said I've just now begun to 'do the work'? And then say how you feel you've been working so hard all along...could lead to a productive discussion about what you consider to be hard work....

sometimes clinicians operationalise 'trying' so trying = succeeding. another way she could have said that would have been:

'i think you have made lots of progress in the last 2 months'

Not knowing the whole context in which she said this, and my feeling that therapy isn't judgemental (but we who are on the couch are!), my take is that it was congratulatotory. It sounds to me like she was praising you, acknowledging that it takes time, and recognizing the time you have invested.

It takes time. Time to get to know one another. Time for the relationship with the therapist to grow to one of trust. Time to get to what you want to and need to get to.

It takes as long as it takes and there is no timetable.

Yes, definitely talk to her about how you feel about this. Ask her what she means by 'doing the work', as that can mean different things to different people and has particular meaning in therapy.

What do you think? Do you think the recent months have been different in, and out of, therapy?

You can't and don't need to control progress. There is always something new to talk about or a new layer of something to discover and explore.

Guessing and worrying about what another person is thinking is frustrating and fruitless because you can't know what they are or have been thinking. Unless you ask and talk about it. Consider doing that and then you can let it go until you see her next and that might help you feel better.

ECHOES

Well, you probably can't control your progress and that's okay. Please tell your T how you are feeling so you can feel better. Maybe, like Echoes said, she was trying to applaud your progress. Oh gosh, therapy is so difficult and we beat ourselves up so. but change is the hardest, and the fact that you are changing and making progress is awesome!

((((((((((Esther)))))))))))))

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esthersvirtue said:
I have a question.

I've been having a really rough time. Yesterday my T said that though ive been in therapy for 2 years with her, ive just now (in the last 2 months) have been "doing the work". I felt so offended because I feel like I've been working hard all along.

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I doubt I'm being helpful today so I apologize up front. So, she let you go for two years without doing any work? I doubt that is true. Another blame the patient routine...it covers up their shortcomings.

Oh, I need to listen to ITunes for awhile and calm down...sorry!

Don't take this as your failure, discuss this next session.

thank you all,

I agree I guess I need to bring it up. I don't think she meant it mean but it did hurt and makes me question how she sees my progress in the future. Almeda, thanks for getting angry with me, for its rare that that happens for me .

You know what? It took me a whole lot longer to get to "doing the work" of my therapy...many more years. (It's not anyone's fault, but the disability and my pain and needs IRL with no one to help meant my Therapy was usually focussed on day to day living, not the real reactions to the accident.)

Anger is good if it's presented correctly and focussed on the right item! You go girl!

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