[floridaman38]

Well here I sit hurting again by what has been done or said. I really don't get it. Two weeks ago I sat in the waiting room of my T and she was talking to a woman and the woman was concerned about me being there all by myself with the therapist. My T stated that it was ok everything is fine. They did not know I was in the waiting room. I could hear them all the way down the hall, they were talking so loud. I was confused, humiliated, and generally pretty upset at the lack of trust for I have never done anything to deserve this kind of treatment from them but yet here it was in front of me slapping me in the face. I entered the session with a question. I felt the pain swell as I asked my T if she thought I was a threat to her or to anyone. My T replied that I was not a threat and I could tell she felt sorry for the conversation that was overheard by me. I went on with my session as usual. Today 3/31/15 I get a message that today's session needed to be cancelled due to reasons out of my T's control. She told me that she could no longer see me later in the day and that 5 pm was the latest time she could be in the office. I knew that the conversation that she had had with her co-worker changed her opinion of me in some way. This abandonment feeling is back again and back with a vengence. I am pissed. I will never go to another T, I will not relive the horrors of my past and have to re-explain what happened to me. I am having trouble even typing this. I hate to think that I fell into the trap again but I promise that I will never go back to another, I will not be hurt again, never. I will just suffer this pain and deal with it as it comes. But therapy just isn't something that I am going to do anymore. I never trusted people much and I was doing well with that. I was convinced that it would be ok to trust and now this has happened as a result of that trust, two trusted people in 3 days, pretty sh***y odds if you ask me. I'm out of therapy and free at last to live with my own shame without having to feel this rejection and abandonment again. This is a long rant I know but if I stop talking it's because of what happened today. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I will not become the dancing monkey for the delight of others anymore.

So sorry you have these feelings of abandonment.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by floridaman38

Today 3/31/15 I get a message that today's session needed to be cancelled due to reasons out of my T's control. She told me that she could no longer see me later in the day and that 5 pm was the latest time she could be in the office. I knew that the conversation that she had had with her co-worker changed her opinion of me in some way.

I'm very sorry you're feeling abandoned. However, you don't actually KNOW that your T's opinion of you has changed. You're doing a lot of mind reading and won't know unless you ask your T why things have changed. Perhaps it's a clinic policy or a building policy or something in her personal life has changed. Maybe she now has an outside commitment after 5, which means she needs to leave earlier.

I understand the hurt you feel and I sympathize with you. Maybe, though, you could schedule one last session with T and ask her to clarify. Talk to her about what you're experiencing. Just bailing on therapy might just make things worse rather than better.

[pbutton]

It may be helpful to check in with your T about this. Maybe it is not about you at all. Maybe something happened with a different client T was alone witb after hours. Maybe that is why the policy changed. You wont know for sure unless you ask.

[divine1966]

Sorry that happened but I think you should first ask your t if that's any true. Also why was that woman asking about you being dangerous or whatnot. Does she know you?

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You need to find out more specifically why the policy changed. It may simply be the office policy changed in general and have nothing to do with you specifically. Kind of sounds like something may have happened where the office changed the policy for safety reasons in general, maybe a liability insurance policy change. Who knows? You won't know if you don't ask.

[ScarletPimpernel]

And the conversation with the other woman might have had nothing to do with you per se. Was the other woman a client? Maybe she has issues with men and was concerned due to her own fears about your T being alone with a male client. If that's the case, then it has nothing to do with you. Or maybe your T had an issue with anothrr male client, so she's changing the hours for all her male clients so she's not alone. Again, nothing to do with you.

Definitely ask your T about it.

[Butternut]

It sucks when you put your full trust in someone and to think they would stick up for you.

I think everyone is right though, take your time, really find out what happened.

BUT than again every door needs to close for another one to open, maybe this will find you a new path to take with your emotions and such. Maybe you'll find something else out.

Have you ever thought of look for a life coach? From what I know if it, they help you for now and the future. They help you get through your day and fight for what you want in the future, instead of trying to analyze why you feel a certain way. I think they are alot cheaper too, if you find the right ones

are you sure the conversation was about you?

[Squaw]

So sorry florida..

[floridaman38]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

are you sure the conversation was about you?

yes i am sure, she stated that she would wait in the other room and make me think that she had left and then she would leave after I left. I understand the concern but to say it loud enough for me to hear all the way across the office in the waiting room is bad

[floridaman38]

I struggle with anything that deals with any kind of confrontation either it is hostile or not. I just think that it is strange that she calls the day of the appointment and then says oh yeah I can no longer see you after 5 pm. I need to be done by then. Her office is in a different area and I can't just take off work to go. I have to make changes in my schedule. If she had not of cancelled she would not have been able to see me anyways since she cant see any one after 5pm. It may not have anything to do with me but it does make it impossible to see her and I can't go through talking about the things that happened to me again to someone else, I need to get over this not keep repeating the same problems to different T's all the time. It hurts to much to discuss again. I don't know what to do. I feel raped all over again.

[Petra5ed]

My therapist also didn't want me to come in too late, to be the last session or to do a session with me when no one else was around in the office. In my case I think it's because I told him I had erotic feelings for him, and he thought it might make him look bad even if nothing's happening between us. Long story short, I feel your pain I really do, but it could be a lot of things.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by floridaman38

yes i am sure, she stated that she would wait in the other room and make me think that she had left and then she would leave after I left. I understand the concern but to say it loud enough for me to hear all the way across the office in the waiting room is bad

Why is she afraid of you?

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[floridaman38]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Why is she afraid of you?

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I have no idea, I have only been seeing her for 3 weeks. I have not told her that anything except about my abuse and showed her my drawings and poems that she told me to do to cope. This other woman was the one who was concerned and my T stated that I was not a threat. I don't know why the office would change policies right after that statement was made and now the next week and it is different. I am picky about who I talk to and will not speak to many other T's even though they come highly recommended, I just feel that I need a certain type of person. I looked for a long time to find this one.

[floridaman38]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

My therapist also didn't want me to come in too late, to be the last session or to do a session with me when no one else was around in the office. In my case I think it's because I told him I had erotic feelings for him, and he thought it might make him look bad even if nothing's happening between us. Long story short, I feel your pain I really do, but it could be a lot of things.

I am very impressionable in some things and I don't understand things, I have a severe case of abandonment and need some constants in my life. I cant take some changes that have happened lately. I dont believe Ive ever said anything that would make her think that i was a threat to her or that i needed to be transferred.

[sailorboy]

I'm sorry you're struggling but I bet this policy doesn't have much to do with you as a person and more to do with liability concerns. If I were you I'd try to reschedule for a different time.

[floridaman38]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

I'm very sorry you're feeling abandoned. However, you don't actually KNOW that your T's opinion of you has changed. You're doing a lot of mind reading and won't know unless you ask your T why things have changed. Perhaps it's a clinic policy or a building policy or something in her personal life has changed. Maybe she now has an outside commitment after 5, which means she needs to leave earlier.

I understand the hurt you feel and I sympathize with you. Maybe, though, you could schedule one last session with T and ask her to clarify. Talk to her about what you're experiencing. Just bailing on therapy might just make things worse rather than better.

I do not want to move but I cant make it to her when she wants me to meet her for session, I cant talk to anyone else about this it hurts a lot, I have retold this 3 times in my life and I feel bad after it, I just hate becoming triggered again while telling this to another T.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by floridaman38

Today 3/31/15 I get a message that today's session needed to be cancelled due to reasons out of my T's control. She told me that she could no longer see me later in the day and that 5 pm was the latest time she could be in the office.

I am sorry for what you are feeling, floridaman.

Did T. mean she couldn't see you later in the day and after 5pm just for one particular day, or any day, ever?

If she meant she could never see you after 5pm anymore, she needs to explain the reasons for the change to you. If your next session isn't for a while, you should call and ask her, as you do not want your feelings of abandonment fester any longer.

Given what just happened with over hearing the woman's conversation with T., and T. knowing how that upset you, your T. should be understanding of your need to know the reasons for her changes ASAP. I hope you are able to get in touch with her.

[floridaman38]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

I am sorry for what you are feeling, floridaman.

Did T. mean she couldn't see you later in the day and after 5pm just for one particular day, or any day, ever?

If she meant she could never see you after 5pm anymore, she needs to explain the reasons for the change to you. If your next session isn't for a while, you should call and ask her, as you do not want your feelings of abandonment fester any longer.

Given what just happened with over hearing the woman's conversation with T., and T. knowing how that upset you, your T. should be understanding of your need to know the reasons for her changes ASAP. I hope you are able to get in touch with her.

she meant that she could no longer see me after 5 pm, she left me a message on the phone telling me that she to cancel my appointment, which was today so I had about a 6 hour notice, because of a work emergency and then at the end of the message she stated that she said she could not see me after 5 pm so even if she did not cancel she still could not see me because the appointment was scheduled after 5pm. I am confused about this and it puts me in a tailspin, I am suffering from a triggering affect because of this. I can't make sense of it because it has always been this way and now its not. I would like to have an explanation but I would have to confront her and that is what scares me to death.

[Firecracker89]

If you don't want to do so directly to her, can you send her an email asking why? I'm sure she will understand, particularly since you've indicated that she knew that the last time you were there with her that you had overheard what was said & it had upset you.

I get why you're upset & why you're linking those two things together & pointing things at yourself, but as others have indicated, I also think it's a good idea to at least give her an opportunity to explain the changes to you before you make a decision to leave therapy. I'm not so sure it has something to do with you & I hope that you're able to make it at a different time & settle things with her! Sorry you're feeling so bad but I'm sure you'll feel better once you hear back from her about why!

[Squaw]

florida..do you ever try any group therapy? This may give you a sense of more contact since you state that you are good until therapy is over that day. This works for some people and not for others just like anything else, you need to make a connection with the right person for you to trust and get to know. I know you do not like a new T but hopefully this one has an answer for you that will make you feel better about going back? I hope you get this resolved quickly for your own sake..

[floridaman38]

Originally Posted by Squaw

florida..do you ever try any group therapy? This may give you a sense of more contact since you state that you are good until therapy is over that day. This works for some people and not for others just like anything else, you need to make a connection with the right person for you to trust and get to know. I know you do not like a new T but hopefully this one has an answer for you that will make you feel better about going back? I hope you get this resolved quickly for your own sake..

It is amazing what a roller coaster ride it can be. I emailed a couple of new T's and I am scared to tell the story again about me. I hope that they will be patient with me and let me go at my own pace. I was happy to see my old T doing that but I can't change my schedule enough to continue to see her. I have actually emailed a woman and a man T and I don't know what to think at this point. Will they be like my other T will they hug? That is very important to me since physical contact is productive in opening me up to talking. I need a closeness to them and I hope that they understand that. I will find out when they email me back. Just keep praying for me that I'll find the right one.

[Squaw]

Originally Posted by floridaman38

It is amazing what a roller coaster ride it can be. I emailed a couple of new T's and I am scared to tell the story again about me. I hope that they will be patient with me and let me go at my own pace. I was happy to see my old T doing that but I can't change my schedule enough to continue to see her. I have actually emailed a woman and a man T and I don't know what to think at this point. Will they be like my other T will they hug? That is very important to me since physical contact is productive in opening me up to talking. I need a closeness to them and I hope that they understand that. I will find out when they email me back. Just keep praying for me that I'll find the right one.

I have faith in you finding the right T..I don't know if the new T can access your records from the old T but it would give them an idea of where you are in your T, to keep you from starting over anyway. As far as physical contact I don't know about whether or not they will be comfortable with hugging you, at least with a first visit..I wouldn't feel comfortable with a T hugging me that is the opposite sex, because I have serious trust issues because of my past. I do pray that you find the right person quickly..I want to hear you happy florida

[divine1966]

I hope you find the right person. Please don't give up but do talk to old t about that discussion and why she is canceling etc

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