[Coco3]

I could use your help. My therapy is almost ending, last session is in two weeks. And I'm really struggling with saying goodbye. I'm not happy with today's session and I really want to end my therapy well. I really like my therapist and I'm thankful of having him as my T.

Some background info: I've been in therapy for about 1,5 years and I made the decision to start ending therapy myself. I still feel good about that, it's just that I didn't expect to be grieving so much. After my decision we went from appointments every fortnight to every four weeks. I thought that would be a good way to getting used to living without therapy. Wrong! It didn't work for me at all. I needed to work towards a certain point. So two weeks ago we agreed on two more sessions fortnightly and then it's over.

I still agree to it, but also I'm still grieving. Going from sad to angry to sad again. Right now I'm really angry with T. And since this week I'm feeling sick and tired of it all, of this f**king rollercoaster.

I was still angry when I went to my appointment today and remained angry throughout. We talked about lots of things I wanted to talk about and even laughed quite a few times. However, the anger didn't go away. I told him about it. It's not how I imagined being with my T for the second to last time would be. And I certainly don't want to spend my last session being so angry. That wouldn't be closure for me!

Still, leaving after 50 minutes was really hard. That was also the case two weeks ago. It really, really hurt. I just wanted to stay and not feel this pain. It took all my courage to walk out of that door.

Also, T asked me how I want to spend the last session. I don't know! What's a good way to end it?

[SoupDragon]

Hi Coco3, I think your feelings are probably really OK. 1.5 years with your T and I'm sure it would be more concerning if you weren't feeling anything.

I almost finished last year and my T asked me what I wanted to do, I had no idea either. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, just wanted to quietly slip away.

I have done some group retreats and at the last day, we sit together with a stick between us and in turn pick it up when we want to say something. At the end of the retreats people sometimes also give small gifts / offerings, a poem, quote, a stone, a home baked cake. It is always very sad, but I guess important to be able to say all you want to say, without leaving with regrets that you wished you had said A, B or C.

The pain reflects the depth of your experience with your T and of course like all feelings will pass.

Take care - Soup

Are you sure you are ready for it to be your last session? Do you need a few more sessions ( maybe closer together - weekly) to process the ending? I didn't do an ending with my T, I just stopped, but something that helped was that I wrote a letter after woods just about the good things, she also gave me a letter. I think that reflection on the good things helped. Can you Reflect on the good things that have come out of the therapy and the things he said that you liked, times when you felt close to him, and talk about these things?

[Coco3]

I don't know anymore, Brown Owl. I thought I was ready. When we agreed on that final date, I felt relieved. I'd been feeling really insecure in the months before that, not knowing what was ahead. Also I just couldn't deal with trying to cut lose while still having my T as a safety net. I don't know why, but it's such a strong feeling. Sometimes I think I will feel much better when that final session is behind me. Maybe prolonging only makes it worse.

Now that I think of it, my T suggested we'd both write a letter and read it (to each other) in session. What a coincidence. I like the idea, it's really nice.

Thank you SoupDragon, for saying that my feelings are okay. 1,5 years is something, right? I'm thinking of giving my T a small present, something that represents our work or my growth or something like that. I think he would like that. I agree it's important to leave without regrets for good closure. I gotta figure out what it is that I want to say. Only one chance left.

[iheartjacques]

2.5 years for me and still not ready to go. Been on fortnightly appointments. Good luck with yours and I hope you will be okay

[Coco3]

Thank you so much iheartjacques. Take your time, you'll know when you're ready. Take care.

I don't know how to say goodbye either. I'm in the process of terminating with my t I've been talking to for 3.5 years..... it's been over 2 weeks since we've talked, we'll be talking again in 5 days, and I need to ask her "how do I say goodbye?!" I am the one who initiated this, because I am ready to end therapy, ready to be out here "on my own", I know I will be fine, but... how in the world do I say goodbye?!?!?! I wish I had the answer for you, then I'd have it for myself too. Talking through it with t, I guess, is the only way I'll be able to do it. I wish you all the best!!

[Coco3]

Thank you Artemis-within. I find talking about it with my T very helpful too. So now I'm thinking I'll probably need 1 of 2 more sessions. I don't think 50 minutes is enough to adress everything that needs to be adressed.

Good luck on your next appointment! It's a good thing you're feeling ready to be "on your own". I wish you all the best too, I hope you'll find a good way to say goodbye to your T.

[Coco3]

Things have changed after the last session, I'm doing much better and the anger is gone. Almost in a blink of an eye. Therapy works in mysterious ways I guess. I wrote my T a very long email full of insights after doing some heavy thinking. I also suggested the extra session(s). Can't wait for his reply.

[iheartjacques]

That's encouraging to hear. I fear I'll become a wreck when the time comes. I'm not good at goodbyes. I cry.

[Coco3]

Saying goodbye is hard. I've lost a lot of people but almost none as close to me as my T is. It's real heartbreak.

There's an upside to it. In therapy you'll have a chance at a proper goodbye. You get to talk about it with the person you're losing, so you can have closure. Although I'm very hurt, I'm also thankful for this process.

My T finally replied. He's not that keen on extra sessions, because he's afraid it will unnecessary extend my suffering. I sooooo don't know what to do anymore. Couple of days ago I was so sure I needed that extra session. I was shifting towards another opinion already, before my T emailed. Maybe I only want that session because I like talking to my T and I like his attention for me. I think my T might be right, but that I'm not ready to admit that.

Why does it have to be this hard?

[bounceback]

I am sorry you are going through this. It is so hard. I am going to be saying good bye to my therapist in October and am not looking forward to it. I feel for you. I really do.

[Coco3]

Thank you so much Bounceback. I'm sorry you'll be going through a termination too. I hope you can talk about with your T when the time comes and that you'll have closure.

[Coco3]

Okay, so I decided after lots and lots and lots of thinking, that I don't want any more sessions. Well, I do, but I don't. I still really don't like the idea of not seeing my T ever again. However, for my process it's best to round up quickly. Since the anger has gone, I feel stronger again. Ready to move on. It's time to cut lose and get on with my life.

It's strange, I can't imagine my life without therapy. Without my T. I wonder what it's like to lead a "normal" life again. I hope I'll be fine. ****, this hurts so much. I'm starting to cry all over again while writing this down.