Referring to this previous post of mine:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...erapist-6.html

Do you guys think it's worth it to finally ask him why he deflected and totally avoided what I had texted him about? His response seemed so passive-aggressive. I would prefer if he just said what he really felt about me, good or bad, than this half-assed ********. If he wants to tell me off, fine. I could accept it.

It's just annoying because he didn't have to respond to me with that stupid reply. He could have said nothing. Or maybe I would have gotten mad about that too. Maybe he can't win, no matter what he tells me. Either way, he KNOWS how much it pisses me off when people are avoidant, and he's using it against me. He has always prided himself on being so "direct." Direct my ***.

Or...I could just leave it alone. It's just difficult to do that. It's hard to come to terms with knowing he really doesn't care at all. Makes it seem like our whole professional relationship was a sham. He thinks I'm a joke. Well maybe if he really wanted me to leave him alone, he shouldn't have told me he "wants to **** me, but won't, because it's unethical." It's ********. Why dangle that carrot over my head just to take it away? What's the point? And then to pretend like none of it matters. It matters to me. Why can he talk to me however he wants? Why do I have to tread lightly on eggshells, so as not to seem "psychotic?" It's not fair.

It sounds like you are trying to find a justification for contacting him again when you know it isn't in your best interest to do so.

[Gavinandnikki]

Based on everything you've posted about your ex-therapist, leaving it alone, regardless of difficulty, is best.

There is nothing he would say that would make it better.His need to one-up you ensures that.

It is done. And I know it hurts.

What would you get out of contacting him again? How would it feel if he responded in a way that incited further questions that you may never get an answer to? Did it seem like your last session with him was baiting? Perhaps he wanted to leave you with a sense of unrest?

I would have nothing to do with him again, and process your need for closure with a different therapist.

i think it's best you leave it be. digging stuff out that's already happened, particularly T conflict, is not always too helpful in my experience.

[unaluna]

Why is this coming up now? Have you been okay for the past few weeks, but now you are becoming anxious again? These may be your personal self esteem mood swings that have nothing to do with him really. I hated my exes and my life one week out of the month and wanted a divorce; by the next week, everything was peachy. Its a horrible way to live.

Originally Posted by Clementine K

What would you get out of contacting him again? How would it feel if he responded in a way that incited further questions that you may never get an answer to? Did it seem like your last session with him was baiting? Perhaps he wanted to leave you with a sense of unrest?

I would have nothing to do with him again, and process your need for closure with a different therapist.

I guess if I contacted him I would feel relief. Lately I'm constantly having the compulsive need to reach out to him. I hate leaving things untidy.

If he responded in a way that just made things worse, well, yeah...it would probably make me feel worse. I don't know why I keep expecting him to change how he's been treating me. If the last session was baiting, then it's still hard for me to accept that someone I've cared about so deeply would treat me like that! Not to mention he was supposed to be my therapist, and he's treating me like ****.

Contacting him probably wouldn't help in the long run but it's hard to sit still and let things just run their course. I'm struggling. My therapy with the other therapist isn't helping that much. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. I'm angry and hurt.

[Fuzzybear]

[missbella]

Originally Posted by winenot3

I hate leaving things untidy.

I don't see how the situation could be anything EXCEPT untidy with this guy. Therapists receive post-graduate instruction in blame-the-patient.

Originally Posted by hankster

Why is this coming up now? Have you been okay for the past few weeks, but now you are becoming anxious again? These may be your personal self esteem mood swings that have nothing to do with him really. I hated my exes and my life one week out of the month and wanted a divorce; by the next week, everything was peachy. Its a horrible way to live.

I know it seems weird it's just coming up now, but I was actually feeling ****** about it even two to three weeks ago. The longer I go without contact the worse it's getting. At first I thought that I could "be strong" and not have anything to do with him anymore. It's becoming more obvious that I'm failing at that.

But maybe you're right. Maybe today it's exceptionally difficult because I had ZERO sleep last night (and I mean zero). Also, I'm on the type of birth control pill where I skip periods, and I'm finally letting myself have one. Hasn't started yet, but I'm sure it's making my mood all sorts of crazy. :-/ I just feel like I would feel a million times better if I just heard from him. Any contact at all.

[unaluna]

Yeah no sleep is bad. And my theory on pms is NOT that we are more feminine at that time. Before my periods would start, my armpits smelled like my dad! So when we feel like carp for a week, thats what men feel like ALL THE TIME - crabby, hungry, horny, and smelly. After the period starts, estrogen is restored, and then we are back to feeling like women - on top of the world. Men never feel that good - thats why they're like they are. By which i mean wonderful, of course

It sucks, because I'm already starting to feel better...but this is only because I've composed something to send to him. It's just a draft sitting in my email. I have yet to do anything with it, because I'm still at work. But just knowing I have the option to contact him if I REALLY want to is calming my nerves. Of course, knowing me, I'll be a wreck after, waiting for a response. If I send, that is. Ugh. I don't know what my problem is.

[Lauliza]

I think it's normal that you want to contact him given your feelings for him. There's an element of excitement that can come from a roller coaster ride type of relationship. Sending an email or a text and the anticipation of his response; trying to find the meaning in vague or suggestive comments made in session. You had a lot going on internally and now it's over. I think the its good if you can force yourself to sit with the feelings of angst, anxiety or whatever else you feel and work through them. If you need help then Id utilize your other T for this. Contacting him will just leave you feeling worse after the initial rush you get from sending the text is gone. It's hard to let go but this is what people have to go through to get over relationships that have ended - it's important to learn how to do this in a healthy way.

[MoxieDoxie]

It is like an itch you have to absolutely scratch or......or what. What would happen if you did t scratch that itch?

[AllHeart]

If you contact T., are you prepared for another snarky response? Or no response at all? If that happens, will you need to text him again down the road?

Based on what you have written about him, it is likely this will be an on-going issue. I hope you can find peace and closure without having to contact him anymore.

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

It is like an itch you have to absolutely scratch or......or what. What would happen if you did t scratch that itch?

It is kind of like an itch I have to scratch. If I don't scratch that itch when I feel it, I feel sick, anxious, etc. Once I get an idea in my head it's hard to get it out. Once I start composing the first sentence of a text draft, I have a feeling I'm usually gonna send it, no matter how devastating the results could be. I guess maybe that means I shouldn't complain then.

Originally Posted by AllHeart

If you contact T., are you prepared for another snarky response? Or no response at all? If that happens, will you need to text him again down the road?

Based on what you have written about him, it is likely this will be an on-going issue. I hope you can find peace and closure without having to contact him anymore.

Well I'm trying to write something that will NOT put him on the defensive. At first it was gonna be a snarky angry text, but I've calmed it down a bit. I realize I won't get the reaction I want from him unless I cater to his stupid ego a little. If I start "screaming" at him, he won't want anything to do with me. He'd probably insult me back.

Overall, I don't understand why he's like this to me. What on earth could I have possibly done to make him hate me so much? It makes NO sense. I think that's what drives me crazy. I want answers and won't rest until I get them. I want a legitimate REASON.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by winenot3

Overall, I don't understand why he's like this to me. What on earth could I have possibly done to make him hate me so much? It makes NO sense. I think that's what drives me crazy. I want answers and won't rest until I get them. I want a legitimate REASON.

I don't know what would possess a T. to "hate" someone, especially a former client. The only thing that comes to mind is that he himself has some sort of mental health impairment. He sounds like a delusional di** weed.

Whatever the outcome, I wouldn't take it personally. Something is not right with this guy!

It's ****ing weird, but I feel like the urge has passed. Admittedly, I smoked a little bit of pot. But aside from that...I looked at the draft I had saved and still couldn't make myself send it. I dunno. Like I'm having good vibes right now and don't wanna screw that up. Hmm. Wonder if this will hold tomorrow.

Am now wondering...if he really wanted me to leave him alone, shouldn't he have just told me not to contact him again? I don't understand his deal. I don't understand how he gets away with half of the **** he does, and still be allowed to practice. It kinda pisses me off. Is there a way to see if a therapist has had complaints about them somewhere? I'm curious.

[lunatic soul]

Please dont humble youself... if he wanted to talk to you or to see you he would do it but he laughs about you, show him you are strong and not miserable, stop begging him, men dont like it (okay there are exceptions but its sadomasohistic then)

[unaluna]

http://www.healthguideusa.org/psycho...nse_lookup.htm

https://www.breeze.ca.gov/datamart/s...from=loginPage

Originally Posted by winenot3

Am now wondering...if he really wanted me to leave him alone, shouldn't he have just told me not to contact him again? I don't understand his deal. I don't understand how he gets away with half of the **** he does, and still be allowed to practice. It kinda pisses me off. Is there a way to see if a therapist has had complaints about them somewhere? I'm curious.

Complaints would be on the state licensing board. It will be online Almost always.

[musinglizzy]

No, I don't necessarily believe he would have specifically told you to leave him alone. I am quite sure if we terminated, my T wouldn't say that. It would just be a given, based on the circumstances. I'd leave him alone. You're obsessing. (I say that with all do respect...I obsess myself...that's how I know...lol)