Should I send an apology to my therapist?

AnxiousGirl · Apr 16, 2015 at 08:13 AM

I'm 19 and I have GAD. This makes it REALLY hard for me to talk about my feelings in the sessions and I feel horrible about it. Like just imagine sitting in a room with a client who doesnt say a word, imagine how frustrated a therapist would be. So anyways, sometimes I feel really bad and I've decided that maybe I should just send her a long detailed email apologizing and telling her that I am really trying hard to talk and I do feel like a burden sometimes. My question is, would that be weird or would it allow her to know that I am trying and that I also feel like I could open up more? I feel like it's a mature thing to do. Also just do add; My therapist is OKAY with emails, she tells me that ANYTIME I need her I could just email her.

Thank you !

Apathy123 · Apr 16, 2015 at 09:27 AM

Hi AnxiousGirl,

I've read your posts and gently think that your anxiety is getting the best of you. I don't think you need to apologize. Counselors are trained to work with people that have a hard time communicating. I'm sure your not the first person she's worked with that has had that problem. But if it makes you feel better to write the letter than I think it would allow her to get to know you better and where you are coming from but you shouldn't apologize, there is no need for that.

Rive. · Apr 16, 2015 at 10:50 AM

If it's okay with them to email, that seems a good idea. Or maybe type something and bring it to session so T could read it with you (better able to have her reaction and 'live' interaction, so to speak). Maybe you could write something as in (only if that's what you want) maybe she could gently prompt you or help you to open up.

I don't think you need to apologise though. It's hard to open up anyway. But yes, if you could get her on board that wouldn't hurt...

BlessedRhiannon · Apr 16, 2015 at 11:07 AM

You probably don't need to apologize, but you could certainly tell your T that you feel like you need to apologize and explain why.

I struggle with this, because I feel like I need to apologize for everything, including just existing, so I've started checking with my T. I'll email or say "I feel like I should apologize, but I'm not sure if it's necessary" and then explain what I'm thinking. My T will often talk about it with me and help me figure out if an apology is really warranted or not. In almost 6 years, she's only said that an apology was probably warranted twice. I, on the other hand, feel like I need to apologize to her nearly every session.

ThisWayOut · Apr 16, 2015 at 11:33 AM

I think that would be a great idea. I'm not advocating needing to apologize, but like blessed rhiannon, I have that same compulsion to apologize for simply existing...
I'm of the camp that always for communicating however you can, even if it's not the traditionally expected verbal exchange during session. Perhaps telling t all this can open the door to easier "in the moment" communication.

AnxiousGirl · Apr 16, 2015 at 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

You probably don't need to apologize, but you could certainly tell your T that you feel like you need to apologize and explain why.

I struggle with this, because I feel like I need to apologize for everything, including just existing, so I've started checking with my T. I'll email or say "I feel like I should apologize, but I'm not sure if it's necessary" and then explain what I'm thinking. My T will often talk about it with me and help me figure out if an apology is really warranted or not. In almost 6 years, she's only said that an apology was probably warranted twice. I, on the other hand, feel like I need to apologize to her nearly every session.

Thank you so much! I just feel really guilty about not being able to open up and I also apologize for everything.

ManOfConstantSorrow · Apr 16, 2015 at 11:41 AM

I like to apologise pre-emptively, as I am always certain that sooner or later there will be a reason for an apology - but then I am British: Apologising, A to H, British Behaviour, British Etiquette | Debrett's

Apr 16, 2015 at 11:43 AM

What type of response are you looking for?

I would not send an apology. I think it would be okay to explain how hard it is to talk, but an apology seems a little manipulative to me when you don't have anything to apologize for.

stopdog · Apr 16, 2015 at 11:55 AM

I would not apologize - you are not doing anything to the therapist. They get paid whether you talk or not.

Sarah1985 · Apr 16, 2015 at 12:02 PM

I don't think you need to apologize, but I think it would be helpful for you to email your therapist to let her know how hard you are trying to talk. Maybe if she knows what's going on, she could break the ice and help you work through not being able to talk.

Apr 16, 2015 at 01:29 PM

I don't see any reason for you to apologise.

tinyrabbit · Apr 17, 2015 at 07:59 AM

As others have said, you don't need to apologise but it might be helpful for your T to know how you are feeling.

Just because you're not talking, doesn't mean you aren't saying anything. Much of the way we communicate is non-verbal. And I think it can be misleading the way people talk about therapy as 'the talking cure' or 'talking cure' when it doesn't have to involve talking.

It sounds like emailing might help you. Also, try to remember that - given how anxious you feel - you are doing so well to get yourself to therapy in the first place. That's an achievement in itself. Your T will know that too.

Apr 17, 2015 at 08:18 AM

I think we gave the urge to apologise because we want to feel comforted.
It's nice to hear 'you have nothing to apologise for'.

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ManOfConstantSorrow Grand Poohbah Member Since Jul 2014 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 1,954 9 4 hugs given	Apr 16, 2015 at 11:41 AM #7 I like to apologise pre-emptively, as I am always certain that sooner or later there will be a reason for an apology - but then I am British: Apologising, A to H, British Behaviour, British Etiquette \| Debrett's
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Anonymous37890 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 16, 2015 at 11:43 AM #8 What type of response are you looking for? I would not send an apology. I think it would be okay to explain how hard it is to talk, but an apology seems a little manipulative to me when you don't have anything to apologize for.
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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,809 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Apr 16, 2015 at 11:55 AM #9 I would not apologize - you are not doing anything to the therapist. They get paid whether you talk or not. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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Sarah1985 Member Member Since Mar 2015 Location: usa Posts: 236 9 94 hugs given	Apr 16, 2015 at 12:02 PM #10 I don't think you need to apologize, but I think it would be helpful for you to email your therapist to let her know how hard you are trying to talk. Maybe if she knows what's going on, she could break the ice and help you work through not being able to talk.
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Anonymous100185 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 16, 2015 at 01:29 PM #11 I don't see any reason for you to apologise.
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Anonymous37903 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 17, 2015 at 08:18 AM #13 I think we gave the urge to apologise because we want to feel comforted. It's nice to hear 'you have nothing to apologise for'.
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