So its been a month since our rupture and t and I have been working hard to rebuild the relationship.
It's been hard but she has been very real with me and I understand more now that it was my projection and not hers, I was too terrified of this part of me to even try and own it after I said it. I can accept now that it was mine and my relationship with t has strengthened. There are things I still resist telling her but I can feel the trust establishing again. I am present to her and am not blocking her out as much. Yesterday we made eye contact a lot and she asked how it was as I looked at her. I said it was reassuring and warm. She said she felt the same and it was nice to see me being present and risking real contact with her. She asked me to say what happened in my body as our eyes met and I felt a sense of warmth.

I'm so glad things are going well. I also had this thought reading your post - which I hope you don't mind me sharing with you: you seem to have had to accept her position about the rupture.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

So its been a month since our rupture and t and I have been working hard to rebuild the relationship.
It's been hard but she has been very real with me and I understand more now that it was my projection and not hers, I was too terrified of this part of me to even try and own it after I said it. I can accept now that it was mine and my relationship with t has strengthened. There are things I still resist telling her but I can feel the trust establishing again. I am present to her and am not blocking her out as much. Yesterday we made eye contact a lot and she asked how it was as I looked at her. I said it was reassuring and warm. She said she felt the same and it was nice to see me being present and risking real contact with her. She asked me to say what happened in my body as our eyes met and I felt a sense of warmth.

I'm in the same boat as you. She just told me yesterday I'm not talking much since. I thought I talked a lot yesterday, but I suppose it was from her prodding me to do so. I feel bad. But I'm not choosing to be this way. I need to learn to choose not to. But it, the whole rupture thing, still hurts.

[rainbow8]

Mona, I'm very glad to hear that you are working hard with your T to repair the rupture. I like that your T asked what happened in your body while you were making eye contact. That's a question my T asks me when we're holding hands. Yes, connection feels warm and reassuring. I hope your progress continues on the same path you're on now.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

So its been a month since our rupture and t and I have been working hard to rebuild the relationship.
It's been hard but she has been very real with me and I understand more now that it was my projection and not hers, I was too terrified of this part of me to even try and own it after I said it. I can accept now that it was mine and my relationship with t has strengthened. There are things I still resist telling her but I can feel the trust establishing again. I am present to her and am not blocking her out as much. Yesterday we made eye contact a lot and she asked how it was as I looked at her. I said it was reassuring and warm. She said she felt the same and it was nice to see me being present and risking real contact with her. She asked me to say what happened in my body as our eyes met and I felt a sense of warmth.

That's fantastic! It is sometimes possible to repair a relationship even though it takes work. Good for you

I'm pullin for you, monalisasmile.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I'm so glad things are going well. I also had this thought reading your post - which I hope you don't mind me sharing with you: you seem to have had to accept her position about the rupture.

Of course I don't mind I welcome all opinions/ suggestions. Well I can understand how it would appear that I had to accept her position but I don't feel like she forced it onto me anymore. I did whilst I was in the midst of my rupture but I don't feel like that now. Since she has told me that she is not homophobic and went to her nephews gay wedding last summer. I do project my own homophobic onto others and am extremely sensitive to rejection and people's reactions around it.