[Partless]

I know that's such a general question, but that's one of the areas that is supposedly the goal of all therapies, to empower people, and also one of the areas I've felt I made least progressed. I mean in a way I'm better, I'm less regressed, less powerless, but certainly not what I should be for person my age and current circumstance, objectively speaking. Still feel quite powerless in most areas.

Power related things trigger me big time. I even became a moderator on a small celebrity forum a while back, but that volunteer job which was supposed to help me better about myself, actually became the source of new triggers, as I kept seeing moderators treating users unfairly, labeling them, and not taking their job seriously. Or I mean seriously enough to make sure the forum runs like clockwork but not caring about members being banned or whatever. I was triggered when I was asked to do some banning people who had broken rules, and got into argument with mods and admin about how random the rules were or why rules could not be challenged.

I'm weird in that having a lot of power scares me, having too little power scares me, can't find the right amount. Depending on how much power I have, I feel either being a helpless victim or being a powerful abuser. I'm not saying the other forum is my imagination, it is far from just how it's run, but power-related issues are everywhere (I mean today I saw on New York Times article about American Psychological Association's collaboration with torture in Iraq (http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/01/us...ification.html). Same page that talks about what's going on in Baltimore, etc. So no matter where I go, I'm bound to come up against this. It's not just when I was a kid and parents were powerful and I was powerless, or situation with my sister in the hospital, it's at work, in sports, in politics, in business, even here, like how some people complain sometimes about moderators or something. Does any of this ring true with you guys and how have you been able to get past it?

[unaluna]

This topic certainly resonates with me, thanks! I just referred to it on the couch thread, its probably part of what drives me crazy about being sick (i have a bad cold). I feel like a car with a broken transmission.

I remember talking to my t in the late 70's - early 80's about bullying, waaaaay before it became the thing it is now, telling her i didnt think i would be able to help my kids with this issue. She kept asking me why was this coming up now - i didnt have kids, i didnt even have a serious partner, whatever. But i realize now its because my mother is a big arse bully. I didnt realize that AT ALL back then.

[FranzJosef]

I certainly had issues with power and powerlessness and therapy did help in the end.