[laxer12]

I've been having the urge to ask my T what she really thinks of me. Not what she thinks I need to work on or what my problems are. We talk about that stuff all the time, but what she thinks of me as an overall person.

I haven't asked because I'm not sure that I will get a response that I'm actually looking for...

Has anyone ever asked their T what they think of them? What did they say?

I never really asked. He has told me though. Basically, he really likes me as a person, likes my sense of humor and admires my loyalty to my family. He says I'm a great parent and, as far as he can tell, a great teacher. We enjoy each other's company; we have chatted pretty freely over the years, so we are comfortable with each other just as people.

[acceptance]

Depends how long one has know the T. ? if its pretty new...I wouldnt ask..cuz the answer might not satisfy me..as he doenst know me THAT well yet...

[stopdog]

I can't imagine why I would care.

[laxer12]

I know I shouldn't necessarily care what people think of me but I'm interested in what T thinks because she sees a very different side of me than anyone else in my life. Maybe I'm hoping I could learn something about myself from her perception of me.

I'm not sure most therapists would really be totally honest about something like that.

[musinglizzy]

I know my T thought quite highly of me at one time. I believe if I were to ask her and she were to tell the truth, that thought has changed. Just a hunch.... I'd have no problem asking her either. Although right now, I don't know if I want to know.

no because i'm scared of what she'd say. i have rubbish self esteem so i would just take anything she said badly. i'd prefer not to know.

I think there are some people in this world who have a kind of intrinsic respect for other people and tend to value pretty much every person they meet - I mean every person, regardless of what they have done in their lives. There must be a few T's like that out there who really value each client they work with - see them as unique humans with whom it is a privilege to spend time with.

I've never asked, but T did say once she has great respect for how I've not only survived my past, but how I've used my past to make sure I made better life for my children.

[iheartjacques]

My t has named some good attributes about me. Doesn't necessarily mean he actually likes me.

[ragsnfeathers]

My T always treats me as if he likes me and I'm always sure he doesn't. ;-/

I just treat it as therapy fodder. So much therapy fodder. My therapy is very well fed.

[Chummy]

I have never asked. I'm afraid for the answer. But I'd really like to know. Maybe someday I'll have the courage to ask her.

[archipelago]

I have never asked and not considered asking, but I can see that it would be quite natural to wonder. I guess I can tell some things just by how someone responds to me. For instance, my current therapist does not seem to care much about my intellectual side, which is not my typical experience. He privileges kindness, decency, and other more heart-centered qualities. That has actually been a telling and very productive shift in emphasis for me and caused lots of reevaluation and growth. I did not need to be told explicitly though.

My former therapist thought enough of me that she acceped my offer of friendship, once we terminated therapy. Next month marks equal amounts of therapy and Frienship, 18 months. Many people speak about the inbalance of power in therapy, and I just never felt that way. Even, with my tears, and my nose goo streaming down her shirt, she never made me feel or did I ever feel that she was somehow more than me. In our friendship, there is an equal balance in our relationship. She knows the inner most recesses of my core, and has never taken advantage of that knowledge. She tells me she always enjoys our get togethers, and so do I.

[Coco3]

I can imagine you wonder. I never asked my T, don't know if I would have. Luckily he mentioned things he likes about me, like how hard I work in therapy and he thinks I'm funny and intelligent. Also we get along really well.

[stopdog]

It would seriously piss me off if the therapist thought they got to comment or judge how hard or actually anything about how I work concerning therapy.

Can I ask a question? Can you not get a good sense for what people think of you simply through your interactions? Or do you not trust your perception? I'm curious because I always have a pretty good sense of what most people think of me; I figure it out through our interactions and really don't give it much thought beyond that. So, it isn't a questions I ever really think about until it gets asked here concerning therapists.

[unaluna]

I think this question says more about the client's needs or wishes than the t's opinions. But it is also something to be looked at as part of therapy. For me, at first it felt like i was looking for my t's "objective opinion". Like to counteract opinions from home? Now i feel its more like strengthening my own opinions of myself.

Eta - my opinions of me based on my interactions with others are less than favorable!! Objectively!

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Can I ask a question? Can you not get a good sense for what people think of you simply through your interactions? Or do you not trust your perception? I'm curious because I always have a pretty good sense of what most people think of me; I figure it out through our interactions and really don't give it much thought beyond that. So, it isn't a questions I ever really think about until it gets asked here concerning therapists.

I have never been able to tell, no. I have no idea, and I absolutely cannot trust my perceptions.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I have never been able to tell, no. I have no idea, and I absolutely cannot trust my perceptions.

Interesting. I guess I've always felt pretty attuned to my interpersonal interactions with others, and I seem to be pretty accurate about it. I'm not one to think everyone thinks I'm awful or otherwise. I've always had a pretty good sense of who I mesh with, who my interactions are rather indifferent with, and who absolutely just barely tolerates me. Maybe it's the teacher thing; I deal with hundreds of individuals every day who all think of me very differently. I have a pretty good sense of which students think what about me based on our interactions. I'm not one to get highly offended when I run into people who it is clear we just don't jive well; I learned long ago I won't please everyone and that's okay really. Just the way life works I guess.

I'm pretty much the same in my other dealings with people I guess.

[StressedMess]

I'm socially stunted or awkward or whatever, plus I have low to no self-esteem. Not going to get a true sense of how anyone feels about me, and not going to believe what they say should I ever work up the nerve to ask.

[laxer12]

I'm not exactly looking for an answer of whether or not T likes me. It's more of what her opinion of me is in terms of my strengths, qualities, personality, etc. I don't even know what I want her to say but it would be nice to have a general idea of what she thinks. Does she think I'm smart, thoughtful, charismatic, funny, kind, etc.

Like if you were to ask your best friend to tell you a few words that they think describe you, what if you asked your T?

Actually, maybe that's what I'll ask next session. That's easy enough and I hope she would be honest with me. It's not exactly that I want her to like me and think highly of me, it's more of a learning opportunity. When other people tell you tell you what they think of you, whether or not it is accurate, it allows you to look at yourself and learn about who you are or how you come across to others.

I'm a teacher, too. That does not affect my lack of intuition about what other people may or may not be thinking about me. I simply don't possess that ability, and there is only one relationship (that with T) where it is even theoretically possible for me to ask about the other person's perspective.

It's no big deal not to know that kind of thing about other people. I guess because it is an ability I never had, I don't feel the lack. What I have learnt through therapy is that I shouldn't trust my own guesses about other people's opinions, and that is a valuable insight.

[StressedMess]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

It's no big deal not to know that kind of thing about other people. I guess because it is an ability I never had, I don't feel the lack. What I have learnt through therapy is that I shouldn't trust my own guesses about other people's opinions, and that is a valuable insight.

Mast, how do you let that go?

I've been trying to accept the old saw, "Other people's opinions of me are none of my business." However, old habits die hard, and I am a born people pleaser at heart. How do you let go of wanting to know, caring about, how people feel about you?