[Yearning0723]

The session itself was okay, but as I was packing up, T said she wanted to hear my thoughts in the next session about how our sessions were going. I said sure, but I wanted to hear her thoughts first, since I feel like we're working pretty well together but I want to get a better feel of whether she really understands me as well as I think she does, and it's important because with my former T, if I had asked her to elucidate her understanding of me early on, I would have not only realized that we weren't on the same page, but that we weren't even in the same book and possibly not even in the same library. T said she would share her thoughts, but we would have to negotiate about who speaks first. I said (a bit jokingly, but it's not a nice thing to say either jokingly or otherwise) that I don't negotiate with therapists or any other people I pay to help me, and if we're going to play that game, we either play by my rules or we don't play at all.

It was obnoxious and I realized the second I said it that it was not okay, and she'd done nothing to warrant that type of response, so I tried to backtrack and explained that it's important for her to talk first so I don't feel like she's just reflecting my own thoughts back to me or so my own thoughts don't unduly influence hers, and I just feel more comfortable that way, and she said okay, and she didn't seem upset at me, but I felt SO upset with me.

I know I just reacted so strongly because my former T would constantly say things like, "We'll have to negotiate that," and it invariably meant that I wasn't going to get what I wanted/needed, and often that I shouldn't have even asked, so it just reminded me of all the power struggles with my former T and that is still hugely upsetting for me, and I know it had nothing to do with new T at all...just memories of a former T, and I will explain it to her next week and try to keep that more in check in the future, but I just feel AWFUL. This is only our fourth session and I reacted really badly to her for no good reason.

And to top it all off, I forgot to pay her. I had the cheque in my pocket, but we were talking and I was just distracted and forgot. I realized it about fifteen minutes after I left and sent her a super apologetic email asking if I should pay her next week or if I should bring over the cheque today or tomorrow. She said next week was fine and not to worry worry; she forgot too, but I just feel so bad...ugh...

[Crazy Hitch]

Hang in there Yearning

Yes I am sure this is not easy at all and you didn't exactly have a nice session with your T today - I totally agree and that sucks.

But you know what I think when this happens with me?

They're professionals.

So they're qualified in helping us through difficult times.

Please don't take this personally.

You can simply say to your T next time: "I'm sorry about what happened last session; it wasn't intentional; I'm just going through a few issues right now; that's why I am here to see you; so that you can help me with some strategies to best manage xyz ....."

I'm quite sure your T will understand.

[ThisWayOut]

hmm, my response disappeared. but it was along the lines of what Hooligan said.
T's might be more aware than the average bear that sudden and intense responses often are linked to other things.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

Hang in there Yearning

Yes I am sure this is not easy at all and you didn't exactly have a nice session with your T today - I totally agree and that sucks.

But you know what I think when this happens with me?

They're professionals.

So they're qualified in helping us through difficult times.

Please don't take this personally.

You can simply say to your T next time: "I'm sorry about what happened last session; it wasn't intentional; I'm just going through a few issues right now; that's why I am here to see you; so that you can help me with some strategies to best manage xyz ....."

I'm quite sure your T will understand.

I couldn't have said it better. I was struggling to find the right words that would strike the balance between being supportive and yet acknowledging that it was not the best situation. You did it perfectly.

[SoupDragon]

I am sure T's are well practised at seeing through our defences.

[Yearning0723]

Thanks everyone. I know you're right that Ts are good at seeing through defenses...for example, if I said that to my current T she would have understood right away and helped me sort through it...it's just that I've only seen this T for four sessions and I don't think she knows me well enough yet to know that that sort of comment is incredibly uncharacteristic of me. She might just think that's the way I am.

And that's especially triggering because my former T decided she couldn't work with me anymore because she thought I was too angry at her all the time, when really I was genuinely never mad "at" her and these sort of outbursts were really rare, but they upset her so much she couldn't keep seeing me...she just thought that was who I was, this rude, mean, angry person...

[ThisWayOut]

would it help to email her a brief explanation and let her know you would like to talk about it next session?