I had this thought that I would like to watch T make love.
I asked myself do I want to make love to her??
No, I don't think so. Than what is it? Something about me just looking at her as she swept away by naked passion?
Then I realised. I was the onlooker to my mother's narcissistic self love.
That became the pattern of our relationship.

[divine1966]

Hhhmmm does it simply mean you want to see her being vulnerable? It is not about sex?



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Possibly.

Part of my issue with erotic transference with my therapist is the desire to MAKE him lose control. I hate that I am always the one to lose control and cry or get upset. I care about him and don't want to make him upset, so my control issue expresses itself with the desire to make him lose control sexually. Perhaps it is partly a control issue?

[unaluna]

I think we are just learning about how our ts love. Like they are modeling good love. I think of my t as eyes wide open. As opposed to my mothers rejection or my fathers secretiveness.

[JustShakey]

Good insight Mouse. I feel like my ET with previous T was similar - though I wanted to be the one giving her pleasure. My mother was very needy - I was a parentified child. The only way I could be cared for was by first giving care...

[LonesomeTonight]

For me, I think it's like he makes me feel good emotionally, so I want to make him feel good, too. But in a physical/sexual way.