[justdesserts]

I've been seeing a therapist for about 22 months. I have some issues in my current life that we spend time a good deal of time talking about, but I have some childhood trauma and abuse that is currently causing me a lot of heart-hurt. My t thinks that talking about my childhood and working through some of the issues will help me heal. I'm afraid it will open up wounds and pain that will be impossible to close. What has been your experience? Does talking about childhood stuff really help heal from it?

[Ad Intra]

I did for me. It was tough but rewarding. My old-T did something I really liked it was allowing myself to take a breather when things got too much. She would play a 10-minute relaxation tape and I loved it. I also encouraged me to share more becasue I knew if things got too tough I could do that and feel better.

[AllHeart]

Google something like "effects of childhood trauma in adulthood" and you will be amazed at what you will find. Though I don't know exactly what your childhood trauma was, I'm afraid you are gonna have to face it head on in order to move on. That crap can haunt you for the rest of your life if you don't.

[ThisWayOut]

If you feel if important to tackle (and it sounds like you do), then if can be helpful. It will likely stir stuff up, but a good t can help you through that...

I was in t for a good 15 years before starting on the trauma stuff. I tried to move through workout addressing it (because I was scared to do so), but it kept haunting me. I'm still trying to get through it all, but it has certainly helped talking about it.

As above, being able to take a few breaks is helpful.

[Restin]

The therapist will help you go into it gradually, and support you. It's T's job to "titrate" your experience of therapy. A main part of therapy is to re-experience childhood with T, not just talk about it, or around it. But this time, the therapist offers you an empathic, healing experience instead of the damaging one you had. It isn't all up to you to manage your fears. T is not just there to be stonefaced, unresponsive, and depriving, like the old psychoanalysts, but to help you change over what happened that's so painful to recall.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by justdesserts

I'm afraid it will open up wounds and pain that will be impossible to close. What has been your experience? Does talking about childhood stuff really help heal from it?

Yes. It helps me a lot. I'm not at the healing stage yet, but I am coping better.

It sounds like your therapist could help you with this. I do think in that case things could get better for you.

For me it just made things worse. My therapist kept pushing me and he also kept saying I had the worst childhood of anyone he had ever seen (he'd been a therapist for about 25 years at that point.) That did NOT help me at all. I already felt like a freak and that made it much worse. In some ways I felt even more exploited than I already was. I didn't even realize it at the time though.

BUT I think there are decent therapists who aren't like that who can help people with this. For me I will NEVER go through that again. That stuff is locked back up and I think I'm okay with it.

Good luck with this.

[Favorite Jeans]

"[...] currently causing me a lot of heart-hurt."

I think your answer is right there. If it weren't causing you pain, a reasonable argument could be made for not getting into it. But it is.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

For me it just made things worse. My therapist kept pushing me and he also kept saying I had the worst childhood of anyone he had ever seen (he'd been a therapist for about 25 years at that point.) That did NOT help me at all. I already felt like a freak and that made it much worse. In some ways I felt even more exploited than I already was. I didn't even realize it at the time though.

I think it also helps if they can help you in more concrete ways learn to deal with it and leave behind negative patterns. I have found that endless talking doesn't really help me much.

I've been doing a bit of ACT and I find that is helpful too. Learning to say, "this happened, it was traumatizing and painful, but I need to learn to cope with it and move on."

My T said something that made a lot of sense to me when I asked him if we need to address the past. He said "we should be informed by the present". ie we should stick to current issues, but if past trauma is impacting on the present then it's important to tackle it. Clearly from what you said, the trauma is causing you a lot of pain in the present, so I would think it would be worth addressing.

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

My T said something that made a lot of sense to me when I asked him if we need to address the past. He said "we should be informed by the present". ie we should stick to current issues, but if past trauma is impacting on the present then it's important to tackle it. Clearly from what you said, the trauma is causing you a lot of pain in the present, so I would think it would be worth addressing.

My therapist said exactly the same thing.

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

My T said something that made a lot of sense to me when I asked him if we need to address the past. He said "we should be informed by the present". ie we should stick to current issues, but if past trauma is impacting on the present then it's important to tackle it. Clearly from what you said, the trauma is causing you a lot of pain in the present, so I would think it would be worth addressing.

That was also my therapist's philosophy. As the past is affecting the present, it should be addressed, and he finds digging up the past without present context to be potentially retraumatizing. Each and every time we explored and processed past trauma, it was in that context, done very specifically and for specific purpose.

Originally Posted by justdesserts

I've been seeing a therapist for about 22 months. I have some issues in my current life that we spend time a good deal of time talking about, but I have some childhood trauma and abuse that is currently causing me a lot of heart-hurt. My t thinks that talking about my childhood and working through some of the issues will help me heal. I'm afraid it will open up wounds and pain that will be impossible to close. What has been your experience? Does talking about childhood stuff really help heal from it?

What do you think?

[Coco3]

Yes it does. Because of this:

Originally Posted by Restin

The therapist will help you go into it gradually, and support you. It's T's job to "titrate" your experience of therapy. A main part of therapy is to re-experience childhood with T, not just talk about it, or around it. But this time, the therapist offers you an empathic, healing experience instead of the damaging one you had. It isn't all up to you to manage your fears. T is not just there to be stonefaced, unresponsive, and depriving, like the old psychoanalysts, but to help you change over what happened that's so painful to recall.

And this:

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

My T said something that made a lot of sense to me when I asked him if we need to address the past. He said "we should be informed by the present". ie we should stick to current issues, but if past trauma is impacting on the present then it's important to tackle it. Clearly from what you said, the trauma is causing you a lot of pain in the present, so I would think it would be worth addressing.

It worked for me, I found it very healing. Good luck

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by justdesserts

I've been seeing a therapist for about 22 months. I have some issues in my current life that we spend time a good deal of time talking about, but I have some childhood trauma and abuse that is currently causing me a lot of heart-hurt. My t thinks that talking about my childhood and working through some of the issues will help me heal. I'm afraid it will open up wounds and pain that will be impossible to close. What has been your experience? Does talking about childhood stuff really help heal from it?

I have not found it so. The funny part to me is that the therapist thinks it has.

[WrkNPrgress]

I liken this kind of stuff to working on one's own foundation ( and I like visual metaphors.)

I imagine this as myself standing on a platform that feels unsteady. Any wind or quake that comes along makes me feel like I'm losing my footing. Sometimes it's slanted and I keep falling off or getting tripped up. So I wanted to know why this happens. In order to do so, I needed to look at what (beliefs) I was standing on. This is foundational work. I think of the examination of childhood issues as a way of looking at and filling in the cracks in my own foundation.

The hard part is that you're working on this system while you're still standing on it. Much of what we believe about ourself for better or for worse was built on our childhood or family structures. This is a structure that we've built our whole lives on, that we've learned to rely on, that we know best. This is what we're made of. It's scary work to start feeling around for the loose bolts and cracks underneath our feet. Of course it feels unsettling to examine that when it feels so close to our core.

But I believe a good therapist is there to hold you up while you tighten the screws that do work, find those cracks that need to be cleaned, and remove the broken down beliefs that don't help us anymore and fill them with a more solid sense of self.

In the end, you're left with something more solid and secure.

--- but that's just my little analogy.

[baseline]

I brought up my trauma because it was affecting my relationship with my h and our teenage daughters. He thought I was too tough and worried too much. It was a source of contention between us. I felt he should be more concerned about their safety. HE didn't know about my past trauma. So while talking about my marriage problems I needed my T to understand why I was so protective of my children and so angry with H. First time I told anyone about what happened. My anxiety and fear skyrocketed for months. I think I kind of blurted it out in hopes my feelings would dissipate. They did not. T was very understanding and made me feel safe. IT felt like a relief to finally talk about it and that someone knew where I was coming from. I won't lie it was really confusing and painful afterward but I am slowly letting go of the fear and shame. Good luck with your journey

[justdesserts]

Thank you for your input. I think my progress in therapy has stunted because I've gone as far as I can without doing deeper work on my core beliefs and how they informed by trauma and abuse. Saying that is easy. Talking about it and looking at the trauma feels like opening Pandora's box and makes feel very afraid. I'm glad some of you experienced healing from doing the hard work. It gives me hope. I want to be a whole, real person.