[Soccer mom]

I live in a small town so I see my T. driving quite often. I saw her twice this weekend at a light or passing me on the road. We park near each other for work, so unfortunately I know what she drives.

When I see her my mind just thinks "oh, there's T." but my body says "OMG, THERE'S T". I get an adreneline rush and shakey like anxiety I guess. Obviously I can't talk to her or say anything so I don't understand my body's response. Immediately, I think "why are you reacting this way!!"

I finally told her about this because it bothers me and it's another piece of my maternal transference puzzle. She's a tough cookie and thinks I can figure it out. I'm still working on it since I forget about it if I don't see her.

Would any of you like to guess why I get this reaction? It drives me crazy. I just want to have normal feelings.

[wheeler]

Normal feelings?? Not sure what that actually is!!! I live about 2 hours from T so I wouldn't normally just bump into her. However because of the distance we quite often meet halfway in 'public' places, usually a coffee shop. It was very unsettling at first but it has gotten much better. To see her in her 'natural' habitat can be a bit weird. Not sure why though. For the most part however I prefer to see her in her office, it feels more comforting/intimate.

[ruh roh]

I've had that feeling in a lot of situations, with people I like and don't like, so maybe all I can see in what you've described is the anxiety part of it and not the cause. For me, it's debilitating. The only commonality is that in each case, I see the other person as a persona, a figure-head of some sort. I'm reacting to an idea of the person but not the real person. Could that have anything to do with what you feel around your therapist?

fwiw, my therapist elicits none of this when I'm in session. She's very normal. But after I leave, she sometimes takes on this aura of sainthood in my mind that I have to bat down. It's some sort of projection, so I don't put much energy into it.

[Perna]

I always had that reaction too. I had an interesting experience going to my session one week; the office was a townhouse-like building in a large business park and another building nearby was getting a new roof and roofing trucks with cranes were hoisting bundles of shingles, etc. up on this adjacent building and blocking the "road" to get to T's building. I had to go around, on the other side of the parking lot, and that made me intensely anxious! I found that truly odd, that driving through a different part of a parking lot should make me so anxious and started working on the feeling while I was sitting in the waiting room, waiting for T/my session.

I finally figured it out. I was "exposed" going a route I'd not been on before, I didn't "belong" there? My stepmother was always harsh to me, when she noticed me, and she always seemed to notice me when I was doing something she felt was wrong, so she always seemed angry or punishing. So, I learned to hide and not get noticed. When I was older and would be in my room, door closed, reading on my bed or just doing nothing, if I heard a car come or go, I'd get up and look out the window. I finally figured out I was looking to see if it was my stepmother or my father coming or going and I'd be relieved if my father was home or my stepmother was leaving and become anxious if it was the opposite :-) Maybe seeing your T outside of therapy rouses something like that in you, your mother being around and if she sees you too, you're "in trouble"?

[Creative ToFu]

I have a talent for always seeing my whatever T I have in public. It always happens, and I will tell you this, sometimes it is as startling for them too. haha! I have been looking for a T and I started to see one that was just terrible. I left and she asked why and I told her the truth, which wasn't very nice, but true. Well guess who I met 3 days later at Trader Joe's. lol The look on her face said it all. I almost didn't recognize her because she had no makeup on, but I recognized her boots. haha! I don't think I would have even noticed her if she didn't have the look of shock on her face of seeing me.

I think many people freak out when they see someone unexpectedly. My husband would freak out because if he was with me and couldn't remember their name to introduce us, he would try to get away as fast as possible without being seen. haha! One time we were shopping in a store and I went up the register and I couldn't understand why my husband was freaking out and wanted me to go to a longer line. Well it was his ex and I didn't recognize her. haha!

But in your case, you live in a small town and can expect to see her. Part of it could be it is weird seeing them outside of their office. Many clients freak out when they see T outside of the office because somehow it changes their perception of them. There is also the weird thing that they know all about you and it might feel like you are being exposed in public. Most people we see in public or even our family don't know us like a therapist does. Part of it is seeing our T, who we don't have a relationship with outside of the room, is realizing and knowing we aren't a part of their personal life. If you are yearning a maternal thing from her, the reality of seeing her in public and not in your personal life can be upsetting because the boundary like that can feel that way.

[divine1966]

I recently started part time job which is in a public place. My regular job is teaching high school so no one would see me there.

But at this job I saw whole bunch people. I saw this woman I knew from al anon and freaked out but thankfully she pretended she doesn't know me, luckily she didn't violate al anon anonymity policy

! I told my t right away where I work some nights in case she ends up going there. She knew I was looking for a second job as one of major thing we talk in therapy is my finances and time management (it is mostly why I am in therapy).

But she was glad i told her exact place as she admitted she would be startled as she knows what I do for living and she'd be shocked seeing me elsewhere lol

It is weird as I live in a large metro area and commute all over the place miles and miles and I constantly bump on people I know everywhere I go

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[nottrustin]

Is it possible that you feel exposed when you see her??

I also live in a small area and occasionally run into T. In fact in one session I told her about going for a girls lunch with my best friend. She told me that she and a group of her girl friends go there frequently as well. So if I go there I might see her and she would just say hi. If I wanted more of a conversation I had to initiate it...and that she might have alcohol (not sure why she thought that would bother me)

Anyway, when I do run into her I feel exposed. She is very good at reading me and seeing through my mask. So when I see her I am afraid she will know if I am in a bad space even though others don't

[Soccer mom]

Hmm, I've never thought of it as feeling exposed. Maybe it is about her being able to read me. BUT, when I have these feelings I'm not even in a position to talk to her. We might be passing in our cars and I still get it.

I asked her about it and she said she probably knows but wants me to figure it out. She doesn't want to put any ideas in my head. Ahh, my good ole tough T.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Perna

my stepmother was always harsh to me, when she noticed me, and she always seemed to notice me when I was doing something she felt was wrong, so she always seemed angry or punishing. So, I learned to hide and not get noticed. When I was older and would be in my room, door closed, reading on my bed or just doing nothing, if I heard a car come or go, I'd get up and look out the window. I finally figured out I was looking to see if it was my stepmother or my father coming or going and I'd be relieved if my father was home or my stepmother was leaving and become anxious if it was the opposite :-) Maybe seeing your T outside of therapy rouses something like that in you, your mother being around and if she sees you too, you're "in trouble"?

Omg, as i read this, i realized i lived my life the same way, waiting for them to come home after school from 5th grade on. I had to be ready to do chores for my mother. My father was more benign.

Ive seen my t outside like average once a year in the eight years ive been seeing him. Each time has been a benchmark of how much i am improving. This last time i was pretty darn normal! So proud of myself!

Eta - ooh, i hate when they know but wont tell us. Altho i know my first impulse is to disagree. Still it takes me centuries to figure this stuff out!