[TangerineBeam]

My new T is great, she's been really helpful, and I like working with her a lot. But. From the start she insisted that I call her Dr. And she calls me Mr. I didn't like it, I asked if we could just use our first names, but she explained it's her boundary (kind of) with all of her clients, and she wants it to stay that way.

It wasn't such a big deal for me at first, but now it's just driving me mental to the point I can't talk to her at all. When I think how I share some intimate things with this person and I still call her Dr. (sigh) I just can't do it. I've tried talking to her about this, but she won't budge. She thinks it's my resistance acting up or something like that. It annoys me so much, I even consider switching therapists.

How do you address your T? Do you have a T who prefers formal titles?

My T says I can call her by her first name, or even go "Hey".

I tend to call her "Dr FirstName" though, because I feel I have to respect the fact that she's earned a PhD in clinical psychology.

We're Asian and I would feel uncomfortable just addressing her by her first name.

But I feel comfortable with her so I don't address her as "Dr Surname " like I would for other clinicians.

This is despite how she's only a couple of years older than me and we're both under 30.

She calls me by my first name. If she addressed me as "Ms Surname ", I would feel awkward, like she's equalizing us, and it would be too formal.

[Favorite Jeans]

I've never had a T with whom I wasn't on a first name basis. I don't think that this is necessarily your resistance acting up. I'm pretty sure I'm wouldn't be able to do it either. It's a boundary thing perhaps, I also wonder if it's a power thing.

[splitimage]

My first T, I called by her first name. My second T, I called Dr., but that wasn't really her choice, it was protocol at the hospital, my new T, I call by her first name.

Doesn't really matter to me one way or the other.

splitimage

[nicoleflynn]

we call each other by our first names;I think it is a power (ego) thing....having to call someone dr, etc.

[RedSun]

Yeah, it seems unusual, especially as I see you live in England. I would even call my GP by their first name. I call my T by her first name, to her face and in all correspondence, she does the same. I don't even know if she is a Dr.....my tutor is a Dr, she would never be asked to be referred to as that. Sounds quite old fashioned to me.

[Chummy]

My T and I are on a first name basis. If she send me an email, she doesn't even closes with her whole name, just her first name.

With pdoc, I actually haven't use his name yet. But he ended his email to me with his first and last name, but not with his title.

With most T's I had to use first names. Even as a teenager. One T actually said that I should use her first name, because that would create less distance (something like that). In Dutch we have two different forms for ''you''. One you use with strangers or older people and then one ''less polite'' that you use with people you know/friends. And with T's I also usually used that one, I was also told by T's I could use that. Though with the more older T's I usually used the polite ''you''.

I think that when you use last names or mr and such, you kind of create some distance.

My first question is whether your therapist is actually a medical doctor, a psychiatrist. That would be more common if that is the case. Otherwise, it does seem unusual for a therapist to insist on titles and last name.

I do call my pdoc Dr. M____, but all of my therapists were on a first name basis. The reality though is that I actually rarely use his name when talking to him. Generally when I use his name it is when I call and speak to secretaries to make appointments. In those cases, what name I use actually depends on who I'm speaking to. If it is the usual secretary, I use his first name, but if it is someone who doesn't know me, I say Dr. M (he's a PhD.).

Do you really actually use your T's name that much?

[divine1966]

T calls me by my first name and I call her by her first name by her request.

I wouldn't care if she wanted me to call her differently.
I don't use her name much unless on the phone calling for scheduling. In person not so much.

But I would intensely object being called by my last name. I am a teacher. I am called Ms. "So and so" all day long. I don't want to be called by my last name outside of work

I seriously would feel annoyed up to the point of switching therapists.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sarah1985]

I've never said her name to her, but she goes by her first name. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable using anything other than her first name.

[stopdog]

I would not address any of them that I was seeing as dr. Or any other title unless they were addressing me formally too. I stop mds who try to use my first name if I don't know theirs.
I don't call the therapist anything in person. There are only two people in the office and I am clear on who is who. The therapist in the OP at least does not assume familiarity while expecting formal address towards them. If it bothered me enough, I would find another.

Originally Posted by orangebish

My new T is great, she's been really helpful, and I like working with her a lot. But. From the start she insisted that I call her Dr. And she calls me Mr. I didn't like it, I asked if we could just use our first names, but she explained it's her boundary (kind of) with all of her clients, and she wants it to stay that way.

It wasn't such a big deal for me at first, but now it's just driving me mental to the point I can't talk to her at all. When I think how I share some intimate things with this person and I still call her Dr. (sigh) I just can't do it. I've tried talking to her about this, but she won't budge. She thinks it's my resistance acting up or something like that. It annoys me so much, I even consider switching therapists.

How do you address your T? Do you have a T who prefers formal titles?

I wonder if she has had some kind of experience that made her introduce this 'boundary'? I think it's important for a T to have a degree of flexibility and to be able to understand that different clients have different needs. Clearly this formality thing is not meeting your needs (I would hate it too). If she is inflexible and can't adapt on this thing I wonder if she will be able to understand you and meet your needs over other things?

My T goes by her first name, but I have never addressed her in any way, it feels too 'close' to do so.

[nottrustin]

We use each others first name. She is a LCSW though so I wonder if that makes a difference. IME Doctors prefer to go by Dr. None of my providers are doctors. My pcp is an FNP and my psych med provider is a PMHNP.

[AncientMelody]

My therapist is a psychiatrist. She introduced herself as Dr. X...I've always referred to her as such without complaint or concern. She's earned the title, to me there is nothing conceited or power-trippy at all about her or the use of her title.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would not address any of them that I was seeing as dr. Or any other title unless they were addressing me formally too. I stop mds who try to use my first name if I don't know theirs.
I don't call the therapist anything in person. There are only two people in the office and I am clear on who is who. The therapist in the OP at least does not assume familiarity while expecting formal address towards them. If it bothered me enough, I would find another.

One of the doctors I work with addresses all his patients by Mr or Ms last name for this reason. He feels if patients call Dr. he should be formal with their name as well unless the patient requests otherwise.

[ruh roh]

First name (both ways). A couple of times, I have addressed her as firstname lastname. I like saying the name of the person I'm talking to.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by AncientMelody

My therapist is a psychiatrist. She introduced herself as Dr. X...I've always referred to her as such without complaint or concern. She's earned the title, to me there is nothing conceited or power-trippy at all about her or the use of her title.

I agree there are many professions that the persons title used. I call them whatever they prefer. I couldn't imagine not calling my priest Fr. first name. I have a close relationship with multiple priests and still call them Fr. I wouldn't go to court and call a judge by his first name.

[Polibeth]

My T is a PhD and I call her "Dr. M...." (last name). She would like me to call her by her first name but I do not want to do it for some reason.

My pdoc always calls me "Ms. M...."(last name). I have repeatedly asked him to use my first name but he always forgets.

[stopdog]

For me, the power trippy part comes in not from the side of wanting formality as long as it is formality on both sides. The problem I have is if they want to get addressed by their title while they assume to use my first name - I don't allow that.

[TangerineBeam]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

My first question is whether your therapist is actually a medical doctor, a psychiatrist. That would be more common if that is the case. Otherwise, it does seem unusual for a therapist to insist on titles and last name.

Yes, she's a psychiatrist.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Do you really actually use your T's name that much?

Not THAT much, but I prefer using person's name when I address them. It's just how I talk.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I wonder if she has had some kind of experience that made her introduce this 'boundary'?

She's very strict about her boundaries. Calling her by her first name would be too informal for her, and she can't have that because she (as a therapist) can not be my friend. She's there just to help me to understand things about myself. And she wants me to respect her boundaries the way she respects mine. And I can understand that (on some level), it's just this Dr.-Mr. thing feels so wrong to me. I'm not used to this.

[timentimeagain]

I never had to actually refer him. In emails I just start with FYI..or just wanted to let u know. In session...also he calls me by first name. .but I don't need to address him by anything just hey n follow him into the office.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've always called my Ts by their first name, even the ones who have their doctorate. It would bother me to have to call any of them Dr. X. It's like putting up a wall. I wouldn't be able to connect on a deep level with someone who elevates themselves by title.

Btw, my Pdoc lets me call her by her first name too! That I find weird. First medical doctor that has allowed that. I still call her doctor

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by stopdog

For me, the power trippy part comes in not from the side of wanting formality as long as it is formality on both sides. The problem I have is if they want to get addressed by their title while they assume to use my first name - I don't allow that.

And in your case I think it's completely reasonable to want that equality on both sides. Adress each other formally on both sides or on neither side. Makes sense to me.

we call her mom ♥

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by orangebish

Yes, she's a psychiatrist.

Not THAT much, but I prefer using person's name when I address them. It's just how I talk.

She's very strict about her boundaries. Calling her by her first name would be too informal for her, and she can't have that because she (as a therapist) can not be my friend. She's there just to help me to understand things about myself. And she wants me to respect her boundaries the way she respects mine. And I can understand that (on some level), it's just this Dr.-Mr. thing feels so wrong to me. I'm not used to this.

She sounds very professional to me. she doesn't sound egotistical to me. You're not used to it now, but the first time for things is often weird, maybe you'll grow comfortable in a short time