Would it surprise you if your therapist didn't know your name?

I've seen my therapist for years now... I was shocked months ago when he wrote my name (long story) and he misspelled my last name horribly, added about 4 letters on to the end of it. Since I write my full name when signing up for apts and since my email is my full name id have to guess he's seen it a lot over the years. I never said anything about it...

Recently I heard him say my full name, and again he butchered my last name. It wasn't like he mispronounced it, it was again like he said a name much longer and nothing like mine. My name is pronounced a lot like it looks, and really no one is so far off pronouncing it. Would this bother you? It really has made me question if he cares about me!

I can imagine that would p*** me off royally to be honest, especially with the transference you have. Have you thought about discussing it with him?

If he never quite looked at it (why would he?) and generally calls you by your first name I would not be too offended; I'd smile and correct him at some point? I saw my T for many years before I got married and then not for quite a few during which time I got married and 8-9 years after seeing her again, she wrote a check out to me (reimbursed me for an overpayment) to my maiden name. This after 400+ checks written to her with my married name printed at the top? My style would be to say something like, "Hey, watch it, that's supposed to be _______". Or, "I think we've been seeing one another long enough that I can tell you my real last name. . ."

They see us once a week, us and 15-20-? how many others? Think of the first day of school and how elementary teachers use to butcher some people's names? The person corrected their pronunciation, the teacher made a note of it (or not) and repeated it a couple times to make sure they got it right and then they saw that child daily for the next 9 months, made out report cards, met with their parents, etc. It's your last name which they have never really had occasion to look at/study and which you never commented about; do you care about yourself and your T enough to set him straight? :-)

I would get really iritated by that. Especially if you've seen the T for over a year. Is your last name difficult? I've had teachers who after months till had trouble with some students names. My name isn't difficult. And T doesn't use my last name much with me. But if for any reason she use my last name, I expect her to use it right. If she wouldn't be sure, then I expect her too look in my file for how to write it.

So if you're really bothered by this, jus say it to him. Though that can be hard. I sometimes find it hard to correct my T or pdoc and then I just don't say anything.

It wouldn't surprise me if he misspelled my last name -- it is a commonly misspelled name so I'm kind of used to that from many people -- mispronouncing it would be a bit more odd, but even that happens amongst people who have known me for a long time. Yes, I have kind of an oddly spelled, thus a bit oddly pronounced last name. It isn't hard; it's just one that people think they know how to spell and pronounce but they are generally a bit off. I've been known to give people lessons on spelling and pronouncing it though.

Yes, it would bother me. He's seen my name many times and, even though my email isn't my full name, my name attached to the email is. He's also seen my full name in announcements I send out to mailing lists and when I sent him links to my online pages because I wanted his feedback. I also gave him a few of my publications as a gift. My therapist has a good memory and my last name is short. I'd be a little upset if he still couldn't recall my last name after all these years.

Sorry about your situation. Perhaps you could let your therapist know how you feel and that he's got it wrong, if you want to.

I doubt he remembers my last name and it doesnt bother me. If he didnt remember my first name I would feel... hmm.. hurted?upset?sad? I dont think its very important to remember last name, people often calls me in wrong first names, they just cant remember everythink.

Well, the important thing is that it bothers you. Names can be important, they are part of our identity, and if somebody who is important to us can't quite remember our name it might feel as if they don't quite remember us. My last name is often mispronounced and misspelt - it is a unique name which only about half a dozen people have, and I pronounce it differently in different languages - but when my T writes it on prescriptions and other forms he never misspells it, and that feels pretty important to me. I suspect he looks at my records to get it right. But the main thing is that he bothers to do that! I've never heard him say it and I don't know how he would pronounce it.

I'm very sure that the misspelling/mispronunciation doesn't mean that he doesn't care. For some people it's hard to get spellings right, and even if you write your full name in his appointment book and he sees it in your emails, chances are that he doesn't "read" it as such; it registers as an image (as well-known words do in our brain) and so the spelling is not part of what he sees. There's a meme going aound the Internet at intervals, which claims that only the first and last letter of words are important. That claim is incorrect, as explained here by one the people who did the actual research, but the fact is that reading usually doesn't involve letter-by-letter decoding of most words that are already familiar to us. And the other side of that is that people often do not pick up on subtle spelling issues in words they recognise. I bet that's also why he said it wrong.

Again, if it bothers you, it's worth bringing up.

Yes, it would (and does) bother me!! Neither my previous or current t consistently pronounces my first name correctly. It is not a difficult name, it's just that there is a much more common pronunciation and that's what t tends to say. I have given up on telling her (and about once in 5 times she gets it right)

It pisses me off when people don't get my name right. He's written enough scripts for me he should know.

Actually it doesn't piss me off, but it does hurt me. That's one of the bad effects of my depression, I can't even get angry anymore, I just get sadder.

I have a somewhat unusual last name and have dealt a lot with people misspelling and mispronouncing it. I try not to have emotional feelings about it, or I would have a severe complex about it by now. I have watched people take a drivers license or credit card and copy my name off it and write it down wrong. It's like their brain insists that it is another more common name so they can't see what it actually is.

I wanted to suggest the possibility that your therapist may be a very bad speller. Some people just are.

If you feel able, you could ask him to greet you with your full name at the beginning of the session until he learns to say it. You could just say that it makes you feel a little "insecure" (or some other adjective) that he doesn't know how to say your name and ask him to learn to say it.

I am probably coming from the point of view that I have because of so many people misspelling and mispronouncing my name.

After several months, no, but, in your case it sounds like you've been seeing this therapist for several years. That would bother me A LOT. That is ridiculous.

Thanks. You know your story reiterates to me how important expectations are. Here I had an expectation before I even knew it, and that's what screwed me! The thing is my last name is 5 letters long and most people can pronounce it or come very close. In your shoes I could see it not bothering me. Maybe I'll bring it up sometime, but I'd never ask him to say it over and over like that. I think it just easily feeds my depressed story line, no one cares about me, better off dead... Here I can say person I spend the most time talking to doesn't even know my name... That has a nice ring to it, my brain just doesn't like to let gems like that go.

I don't think the woman does know my name really. I think she writes it down and repeats it at appointments so she does not forget it while I am there. Out of context, she would not recognize me or be able to put my name to my face.

That's what makes me wonder. If a T would see you one the street, would she know your name.
I know my T would. I've been with her for such a long time. But I wonder if pdoc would. Would he even recognize me outside the therapy office?

In fairness, I doubt I would recognize her out of context either.

I'm not sure that my T would know how to spell my last name since she doesn't make the appointments and only calls me by my first name. I'm sure she knows it, but it's an unusual spelling of a somewhat common name in my area, so I have to correct most people.

My pdoc has misspelled it and also checked with me on it. Again it's a commonly misspelled name and he actually has another client with the same name and the more traditional spelling and he says he confuses our names. Since he's a script writer I'd expect him to know it. I can see mistakes with spelling though- last names are misspelled all the time by people we'd least expect it from simply because they spend less time thinking about them than our first names.

I have a good, intelligent friend who butchers everyone's name, including mine. We have been friends for 2 decades.

My last name is not hard to pronounce and after 20 years, my friend should be able to spell it correctly. Oh, she doesn't spell my easy first name correctly either. It used to offend me, but then I realized she has this problem with everyone's names. There is just some disconnect with the part of her brain chamber that deals with names. Perhaps your T has this sort of disconnect also.

I don't think it would surprise me if she didn't know my last name, but it would bother me.

The issue of knowing me or my name out of context is really interesting. I don't think I'd want to know the answer to that. She probably wouldn't know me unless I had my dog with me, but even then it might not come to her right away.