The last couple of sessions this happened which I didn't really like: my T said it was time to finish, and said a concluding comment. I responded with something, last time I started telling her about something that I was going to be doing the next day, a nice thing. My T then conveyed with her body language that the session was over, one week she kind of turned away from me, last week she got out of her chair. I know I have to accept that when my time is up it is up. But I felt kind of chased out. It made me feel like I didn't matter. It had been a really difficult session for me, excruciating, I'd kind of been writhing internally with emotion. I don't know if she worried I wasn't going to leave. I've resolved to just stop talking and leave in future. I'm not sure if I want to talk to her about this. Maybe sometime. I never want to leave.

I'm curious about how others experience the end of the session?

I think rejection is an issue for many.
It's hard to marry the all listening T during session to the one who clearly has drawn her line.
Talking about that us beneficial.
I've also discovered by T being very clear on where the 'edges' between her and I are. I'm able to use that in my life.

[growlycat]

I get anxious even at the halfway mark. Did I talk about everything I needed to? Am I on a topic so off course that I will regret it all week?

He sets his stupid iPhone to play trumpets at the 5-minutes-till ending mark. Then at the end it makes another stupid noise. He does soften the blow by chatting with me on the way out, sometimes even when his office door is opening (his office connects to a hallway, does not connect right into the waiting room.)

End of session makes me super anxious. That same day and the next day are the ones in which I'm most likely to email him. Separation anxiety anyone?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

We seem to manage it quite gracefully with T summing up, reviewing and suggesting 'homework' at the 50mins stage, but my sessions are more like counselling than therapy.

Clearly others will need, and hopefully get, more support and therapy and will suffer entirely understandable stress at the end of each necessarily limited session.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I think rejection is an issue for many.
It's hard to marry the all listening T during session to the one who clearly has drawn her line.
Talking about that us beneficial.
I've also discovered by T being very clear on where the 'edges' between her and I are. I'm able to use that in my life.

I think that is exactly it - marrying up her bahaviour towards me in session with the fact that she kicks me out after 50 minutes. I was suffering so much, how could she kick me out? It felt like the T who had been there with me just shut down. I would have thought that that session she would have let run over slightly, even if just for two minutes. Perhaps isession time for her is one of Growly's hard boundaries?

Originally Posted by growlycat

I get anxious even at the halfway mark. Did I talk about everything I needed to? Am I on a topic so off course that I will regret it all week?

He sets his stupid iPhone to play trumpets at the 5-minutes-till ending mark. Then at the end it makes another stupid noise. He does soften the blow by chatting with me on the way out, sometimes even when his office door is opening (his office connects to a hallway, does not connect right into the waiting room.)

End of session makes me super anxious. That same day and the next day are the ones in which I'm most likely to email him. Separation anxiety anyone?

I'm trying to think whether I'd like trumpets (or some other noise like Tibetan gongs) sounding. I'm wondering if I might like it as I could then use the last five minutes to wind down. Have you told him you don't like the stupid trumpet?

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

We seem to manage it quite gracefully with T summing up, reviewing and suggesting 'homework' at the 50mins stage, but my sessions are more like counselling than therapy.

Clearly others will need, and hopefully get, more support and therapy and will suffer entirely understandable stress at the end of each necessarily limited session.

I'm curious as to why you feel your sessions are more like counselling than therapy? I 'm not sure I really have an idea of the distinction between the two except for feeling that that therapy has more of an involvement of your relationship with the therapist, and I think of counselling as more of 'just listening', or perhaps involving advice giving?

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I'm trying to think whether I'd like trumpets (or some other noise like Tibetan gongs) sounding. I'm wondering if I might like it as I could then use the last five minutes to wind down. Have you told him you don't like the stupid trumpet?

I suppose it isn't a bad technique to remind us of the time. I'm not sure why it annoys me. I would probably like a gentler nature sound of some sort. Frogs or crickets? The trumpets startle me.

I guess I never brought it up because I have other things I'd rather bring up first.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I think that is exactly it - marrying up her bahaviour towards me in session with the fact that she kicks me out after 50 minutes. I was suffering so much, how could she kick me out? It felt like the T who had been there with me just shut down. I would have thought that that session she would have let run over slightly, even if just for two minutes. Perhaps isession time for her is one of Growly's hard boundaries?

I don't see it as a hard boundary. T is human. She has to take care if herself too or else she'd never be any good for me.
Eventually we are able to take the relationship with us and use it outside.
It can feel like a harsh lesson in coming to understand others gave needs too. Especially if we grew up with blurred boundaries.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I would find that hurtful too. We often go over by a few minutes and time doesn't seem like a huge deal. I always make a joke or light comment on the way out and wish her a good week... It's hard to just STOP and walk out

With my ex-T I would beg her to reassure me she still cared about me at the end of every single session. She often wouldn't answer because it was compulsive and that would make the separation anxiety way worse. We would also hug at the end of every session which helped though.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I'm curious as to why you feel your sessions are more like counselling than therapy? I 'm not sure I really have an idea of the distinction between the two except for feeling that that therapy has more of an involvement of your relationship with the therapist, and I think of counselling as more of 'just listening', or perhaps involving advice giving?

You have indeed nearly summed it up; It is not passive in just listening, but it does involve each of us giving our take on a particular aspect, say difficulty in social situations with strangers. I say how I feel, we break down why I feel as I do, then she advises me on how to work on this problem, and I seek clarification until I have something I can take away and work on. Then later we review it and/or discuss success/failure as the case may be.

[SkyscraperMeow]

One of the reasons I stopped seeing my first therapist was the way she powered down like a robot at the 50 minute mark. It was always so jarring, she just went dead behind the eyes and it really did undermine everything she'd attempted to build over the session.

My new therapist takes his time, is careful to wind the session down in advance so we're not in the middle of something, and I always feel as if its a natural transition out the door. His warmth does not suddenly end the moment the clock ticks over. He feels infinitely more genuine to deal with, and interestingly, the sessions with him feel much longer than the sessions with my old therapist did. He's really good at setting a nice pace and managing time and it's such a relief.

[divine1966]

I never have enough time because I don't see t often. My schedule doesn't allow it. I always wish I had more time. I don't feel anxious about leaving I just wish I could figure out how to have it bi weekly it is once in 3 weeks now.

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[baseline]

Ugh end of session! Let's stop here. When do u wanna come back???? but doc i was at the part where I was gonna jump!omg

[Jessica Hazlitt]

My T usually says something along the lines of, and that's where we have to finish today. But if we are in an intense moment he usually starts the ending process 5 mins before time is up to bring me back out the 'dark place' as we call it. Here he often reiterates that this is why we have time boundaries, to stop it continuing and causing harm etc. However, if we hit the dark place too close to end time and the usuall pulling out doesn't work or is going too slow, he will talk about something totally unrelated. For example one week I had something written on my hand from work and he stroked my hand and said, "whats the 53 for?" Just depends how that particular session is at the 50 minute mark.

[junkDNA]

he puts the cards up and i get up and he walks me out usually telling me have good week/weekend, good luck w/ something, good work today, etc

[LonesomeTonight]

Wow, having some sort of alarm play at the 5-minute mark would be very jarring to me!

With my T, I have a good view of the clock, so when it's near the ending mark, I'm always like, "I know we have to stop soon, but ..." It's like I want to make sure she knows I'm aware of the time. She used to be very hardcore about stopping at exactly the 50-minute mark (she'd put down her notepad and pick up her appointment book). But the past couple months, she's been letting me run over by 5 or 10 minutes, I think because I've especially been struggling. I really appreciate that. She doesn't do any hand-shaking or hugging or anything, just opens the door and may tell me to take care or have a good week, or something like that.

Marriage counselor is less rigid about the time constraints, often letting us go 10 minutes or even 20 over at times. In there, I don't have a good view of a (functioning) clock from where I sit, so I'll often be like, "I know we probably have to stop soon, but..." and he'll usually say, "We're fine," meaning we still have more time. Towards the end (or if we're starting to move toward more low-key topics), he'll say, "We do have to wrap up soon, but..." and then usually give us a couple minutes. When it really is time to stop, he'll move from the couch to his desk chair to check his schedule on the computer (he's more high-tech than T!). We used to have to schedule an appointment, but now we have a regular slot, so he checks to make sure he'll be around then. Then he gets up, opens the door (also opens into a hallway, not waiting room), and stands there with his arm extended, waiting to shake our hands. He generally says "Good to see you" when he shakes our hands, then when we're walking out the door, he says, "Take care!"

[ThingWithFeathers]

My t opens her diary (or looks like she's about to open it), that's her signal that the session has come to an end. We make a time for next week and we small talk a bit on the way out of the room.

[Leah123]

I had a terrible time with session endings for a very long time, got triggered on occasion and it was excruciating to deal with the pain and panic attacks.

We've done a few things.

One that's easy and helps with the transition a lot is using Angel Cards. I'm not religious but I love the cute little deck of angels, painted in water colors, each with a unique positive word on them, like Transformation, Freedom, Abundance, Sisterhood, etc. on them.

Drawing a card from the deck is pulling whatever energy/spirit I need from the universe to focus on and help me through the week, a little meditation item and a lovely transitional one.

I got the idea from a high school counselor, so the cards also give me a connection to her.

I bought them online and sometimes my T will pick one for me if I ask, others, I'll pick my own, and it helps me refocus my thoughts gently.

http://www.amazon.com/Angel-Cards-Or.../dp/0934245525

I think there are a million "Angel Cards" out there in terms of transitional routines, but having that ritual is immensely helpful for me.

At times I've used others too, including thinking of a virtual library and shelving the issue we're on, a visualization we would do together, or being able to send her an email right after session to finish my thoughts, or listening to a song together, etc.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I don't see it as a hard boundary. T is human. She has to take care if herself too or else she'd never be any good for me.
Eventually we are able to take the relationship with us and use it outside.
It can feel like a harsh lesson in coming to understand others gave needs too. Especially if we grew up with blurred boundaries.

I know she has to take care of herself. And I think my thoughts are a bit irrational, but what I really want is for her to go over time a bit as I would see this as a sign of caring. Also just to finishe the session better. As I write this I can see that it is a bit unreasonable. I don't think she usually has a client straight after me, I also don't think she is particularly busy as she has quite good availability if I've needed to change my appointment. Maybe it's more about finishing the session 'better'.

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Wow, having some sort of alarm play at the 5-minute mark would be very jarring to me!

With my T, I have a good view of the clock, so when it's near the ending mark, I'm always like, "I know we have to stop soon, but ..." It's like I want to make sure she knows I'm aware of the time. She used to be very hardcore about stopping at exactly the 50-minute mark (she'd put down her notepad and pick up her appointment book). But the past couple months, she's been letting me run over by 5 or 10 minutes, I think because I've especially been struggling. I really appreciate that. She doesn't do any hand-shaking or hugging or anything, just opens the door and may tell me to take care or have a good week, or something like that.

Marriage counselor is less rigid about the time constraints, often letting us go 10 minutes or even 20 over at times. In there, I don't have a good view of a (functioning) clock from where I sit, so I'll often be like, "I know we probably have to stop soon, but..." and he'll usually say, "We're fine," meaning we still have more time. Towards the end (or if we're starting to move toward more low-key topics), he'll say, "We do have to wrap up soon, but..." and then usually give us a couple minutes. When it really is time to stop, he'll move from the couch to his desk chair to check his schedule on the computer (he's more high-tech than T!). We used to have to schedule an appointment, but now we have a regular slot, so he checks to make sure he'll be around then. Then he gets up, opens the door (also opens into a hallway, not waiting room), and stands there with his arm extended, waiting to shake our hands. He generally says "Good to see you" when he shakes our hands, then when we're walking out the door, he says, "Take care!"

I'd like what you have with your MC. I don't like the feeling that she wants to kick me out as soon as my time is up.

Originally Posted by Leah123

I had a terrible time with session endings for a very long time, got triggered on occasion and it was excruciating to deal with the pain and panic attacks.

We've done a few things.

One that's easy and helps with the transition a lot is using Angel Cards. I'm not religious but I love the cute little deck of angels, painted in water colors, each with a unique positive word on them, like Transformation, Freedom, Abundance, Sisterhood, etc. on them.

Drawing a card from the deck is pulling whatever energy/spirit I need from the universe to focus on and help me through the week, a little meditation item and a lovely transitional one.

I got the idea from a high school counselor, so the cards also give me a connection to her.

I bought them online and sometimes my T will pick one for me if I ask, others, I'll pick my own, and it helps me refocus my thoughts gently.

http://www.amazon.com/Angel-Cards-Or.../dp/0934245525

I think there are a million "Angel Cards" out there in terms of transitional routines, but having that ritual is immensely helpful for me.

At times I've used others too, including thinking of a virtual library and shelving the issue we're on, a visualization we would do together, or being able to send her an email right after session to finish my thoughts, or listening to a song together, etc.

Thanks for sharing that you too had a hard time with endings. Your transition cards sound good. It feels hard to talk to my T about this as I'm still getting to know her and I feel a bit silly finding the ending difficult when I've only just started seeing her (about 3 months).

My T is a teacher at heart, so he has this very natural way of bringing things to a close. I never watch a clock, but generally I get the sense when time is almost up because he helps me bring things to a bit of a summation/ending/transition back to the outside, etc.

[atisketatasket]

Mine also used to be a teacher, so wraps things up in the neatest package she can, when she can. That isn't always possible, and she will go over a bit - sometimes expressing a desire to go over a lot. Since I can see a clock, and am often raring to get out of there, I anticipate the end of sessions pretty well.

One thing I like about her is that to her an hour is 60 minutes and she's set up her schedule so that every client gets a real hour.

[Whiteroses02]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I know she has to take care of herself. And I think my thoughts are a bit irrational, but what I really want is for her to go over time a bit as I would see this as a sign of caring. Also just to finishe the session better. As I write this I can see that it is a bit unreasonable. I don't think she usually has a client straight after me, I also don't think she is particularly busy as she has quite good availability if I've needed to change my appointment. Maybe it's more about finishing the session 'better'.

I don't think you are being irrational. I think you understand the boundaries in place except you would appreciate a smoother more natural transition to end your sessions. And I think you deserve it.
This is something I never thought about until this post but I can see now that my T and I seem to have natural way of ending. I have a visual to a clock, so I'm always really aware of when time is winding down. She is in a private practice so we usually have a good amount of small talk as I give my payment, which can also be helpful.
There has been times that the topic is especially hard right up until the end, which T will then always lead into a cool down of types, asking what is up for the weekend, or something completely unrelated to what we were just on topic about. On these particular days, when I leave the office she will always make sure to say with conviction "take extra care of yourself" I usually brush it off in front of her, but it can be very comforting internally. Like she really does care. You know, I never realized how much it mattered until you asked this question.