[wotchermuggle]

Have you ever felt, as great as your therapist may be, that you are just eternally screwed? That times are just counting down until the next triggering event in your life that's gonna take you down for the count?

How on earth can you explain that to someone? That even on your good days, if you get so much as a scratch on your leg (so to speak), it will all come crashing down?

[growlycat]

Yes, yes yes.

I do feel like whatever life I have pieced together is pretty fragile. It wouldn't take much for it to all come crashing down.

I dont think you can explain that. that is pretty much my life i personally think that for me i will have to deal with this for the rest of my life and it will be about managing well enough to not want to off myself constantly. I dont believe i will ever feel good though maybe not as bad but i dont think i will ever feel good.

[iheartjacques]

Always. I get on top of things, then life likes to pull out the rug from under me. I'm over it.

[ThisWayOut]

That's pretty much my life... I have yet to figure out how to explain it to anyone. The closest I've come is trying to explain it in terms of cancer: it's like knowing you will have to go through chemo every year for the rest of your life without ever attaining remission... not a great analogy, but the closest I've come.

[laxer12]

Yep. I've got a ton of mental health issues among my dad's siblings (alcoholism, bipolar, depression, anxiety, two suicides, another failed suicide attempt) so my T was pretty real with me once and told me that depression may just be something that I'm genetically more prone to. Thankfully I function much better than 90% of my dad's family so I think I'll be able to cope with it and not end up how many of them have.

Depression is pretty on and off for me but I'm almost certain that I'll fall into it again. I'm just hoping that what I'm learning from my T will help me manage it better and allow me to work through it on my own. As long as it doesn't get as bad as it did last fall, I think I'll be able to manage it.

I think I sorta know what you mean. It's like I feel like I shoulda known I was gonna end up back in this predicament of needing t again I was doing so good so good and was done with t I thought and have just recently decided to continue. Meh.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Yep, two and a half years on and I am still battling SH and sui - jumping from crisis to crisis. I don't want to know how my t sees this ... ugh ...

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Yes. I am battling sui and having a crisis. This is the longest time I have been in crisis. I do let my T know when I am happy and things are going good. It still sucks to always find myself back in a crisis.

[nottrustin]

I feel like this all the time. Have have been very overwhelmed with triggers and memories of my abuss. T suggested we put that this stuff on the shelf for a while. I am trying really hard to avoid media, news stories, ect related to the topic. It seems like somebody is always there telling me stories of people they know who has suffered the safe abuse. It sucks because nobody know what happened to me...

I know here on this forum it might seem like I'm really negative and pessimistic I am not. In real life I keep thinking things will get better. LOL. They usually don't, but I still think they might. Life is just hard for everyone I think.

Yep, I pretty much feel this way right now. I've had good therapist and not matter what they've said and done, I'm totally screwed. No way out.

[justdesserts]

I feel this way right now. Not necessarily because of mental health issues, but because of hopelessness--whenever I imagine my life in life in the future in 3, 5, 10 or 20 years I can't ever imagine anything associated with lasting happiness or anything meaningful in my life. It seems so bleak.

I dont think of T as 'great'. She's shown me that life can effect me. I don't feel she's sold me a 'dream'. Infact she's allowed me to be more realistic. But, she's shown me that I'm not effected for as long as I use to be. That Yes things do come crashing down at times, but I have more awareness about it.

[ruh roh]

YES. Absolutely. I work really hard to have supports in place and they keep moving or dying. The pattern of it just reinforces a fatalistic attitude. Anticipating my current therapist to be the next to leave makes it hard to stay in the game.

I used to feel this way constantly, for years and years. I saw no indication that life would ever be any different for me. I was certain I would eventually take my own life. I spent life just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it did, over and over, convincing me I was right.

But somewhere along the line, about the time my sister passed away strangly enough, my outlook started changing. I began to really want to fight for my life, to make better choices, to hang on with all my might. I made some major changes in my thinking and behaviors, and things did start improving for me.

Life isn't perfect; it never will be. I have a seriously ill husband who will probably not make it through the next decade; I know that. Finances are a constant struggle; but in reality, we have everything we really need. I don't spend my time in fear of the other shoe dropping anymore. It still does, but I deal with those crises one at a time as best I can, and try not too get to worked up about them. I don't live in the hopelessness and anxiety anymore. It was a very conscious decision for me that has been life changing and life saving.

[WrkNPrgress]

I've often had days like this. There well always be triggers. If we want to find the worse possible outcome we will.
Then one day I realized that although stuff will always happen I won't always feel this bad about it. Feelings can pass. That's what I have the work hard to remember.

[AllHeart]

YES!! It is so hard to find the strength and courage to move on with life when the smallest, most insignificant thing sets me off time and time again. I'm so over this bs.

[stopdog]

No but I don't find the therapist great and I don't have for myself a connection between whether I think things are going well for me or not and the therapist.

Originally Posted by stopdog

No but I don't find the therapist great and I don't have for myself a connection between whether I think things are going well for me or not and the therapist.

I agree, although I really don't think that was the OP's focus, it just kind of got framed that way.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

Yep, I pretty much feel this way right now. I've had good therapist and not matter what they've said and done, I'm totally screwed. No way out.

This isnt jiving with - i thought i held a more optimistic picture of you in my mind. (((Jaybird))) im sorry to hear this. Let me / us know if / how we can help. You are a valued valuable member of this team site.

[wotchermuggle]

I'm a bit surprised by all your posts. I genuinely thought I was probably alone with all this. I'm sorry you are all facing the same situation.

[divine1966]

I am who I am. Regardless if I am in therapy or not. I don't think people can ever fully change but I am showing growth in some areas and it's good enough regardless of therapists. We can learn how to manage our lives and how to cope better but not become someone else.


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[ScarletPimpernel]

I feel like whatever I do, whatever I learn, it's like creating a more elaborate mask. Just ways to make me seem like I can actually fit into the world. And this facade only buys me more time. More time for professionals to experiment with me to try to "solve" my problems. But in reality, I was created this way. I was shaped and molded by trauma, pain, neglect, and abandonment to be this sensitive, fragile, reactivy human being that struggles day to day to convince myself to live. But I choose this because w/o hope, what is left for me? I have to hope that somewhere, somehow life will reward me for all my trials and tribulations. Otherwise, I go to be worm food.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I feel like whatever I do, whatever I learn, it's like creating a more elaborate mask. Just ways to make me seem like I can actually fit into the world. And this facade only buys me more time. More time for professionals to experiment with me to try to "solve" my problems. But in reality, I was created this way. I was shaped and molded by trauma, pain, neglect, and abandonment to be this sensitive, fragile, reactivy human being that struggles day to day to convince myself to live. But I choose this because w/o hope, what is left for me? I have to hope that somewhere, somehow life will reward me for all my trials and tribulations. Otherwise, I go to be worm food.

That was a painfully honest answer.