[Ambra]

Sorry for not being supportive but merely a lurker here lately. I'm trying to process the loss of my T after summer holidays.
I wanted to cancel the session because I've been sort of spiraling into depression but I've never had the guts to tell her, so short before her leaving. Now, I went in the end and I mentioned depression but T didn't acknowledge it. Well T seemed lost when I said I wanted to disappear forever and talked about wanting a shelter from difficulties. Then I cried and T cried too. I'm ashamed.
For the first time in 2 years I left T's office feeling definitely worse.
I have one last session next week that I'm going to cancel because I won't make it to it and I don't wanna hear goodbyes.

So here's a letter for my T, plain and honest, saying thanks but also that I wasn't ready for this.
Sorry for the mistakes, the one I'll send her will be in our mother-tongue (which is not English).
Any opinion will be welcome.

Dear Michelle,

Sorry for not coming, I would have liked to see you but I really can't. Sorry for last week, I do trust you and I wish I had told you everything, but I've been ashamed and unable to communicate even to myself for a while.
Now it's a poor timing for this, and I'm tired, but you really gave me a lot and I wanted you to know this.

Thank you for what you've done for me. Thank you for being genuine and validating me in the first place and listening to me starting from the beginning when I was so unkind.

Thank you for always meeting me half way when I couldn't reach. For your support, for standing my rage and soothing my wounds.
For giving me back the taste of food, for teaching me self love and to believe a little bit more in myself. Yeah, I'm still working on it, but at least I started.

Thank you for walking with me during this journey and standing by through my little/big struggles, never leaving me alone all the times I had to move away and for trusting me. I still can't believe we managed to meet weekly when I was living 4,5 hours from here.

I will be honest: I'm in pain and I feel lost right now, but I was blessed to find you and am honored to have worked with you. Maybe it didn't look like that last time, but I really learned a lot from you and even though I don't feel ready for termination I know I have something more than when I started. I am richer in a way and I will be always grateful for you.

I hope our paths will cross again, but just in case, I wanted you to know how much it meant for me to have met you.
I wish you and your family the very best.

Take care.

A.

[Leah123]

That is a beautiful letter, be proud of your spirit for shining through and I hope you find solace soon. I remember the feelings of a therapist leaving at a bad time, and the grief was like death, but it did heal and I did retain the good which inspired me throughout my life. And after a time, I found another excellent therapist to pick up where I'd left off.

[JayneJohnson49]

Your letter is very sweet, heartfelt and genuine. Your feelings show through very much! I too hope you find solace and healing in the days/months/weeks to come. Please don't be ashamed for crying, you are experiencing deep emotion.

I've had two therapists, terminated with the first one due to her retirement. I definitely wasn't ready for it but was able to accept the situation and be thankful for the time I had with her and the work we completed. I waited six months then started with current T who is also incredible. T's had vastly different personalities yet with each I've felt cared for, understood, and supported.

[ThingWithFeathers]

That's a lovely letter. Your gratitude shines through.

[LonesomeTonight]

Great letter, your appreciation really is clear. I'm sure your T will be touched by it.