[baseline]

I have therapy tomorrow and am very anxious. Two weeks ago I revealed something to T about how I felt when I'm in the waiting room. It was really hard to say out loud but for a year I have dreaded appointments because of this trigger and feelings associated with being called into the office. We came up with a plan which I thought was pretty good. The next week I went into appointment with the expectation to carry out our plan. It didn't work out the way we planned and I think he forgot what we discussed. So I had to go back and wait. T apologized but I felt awful. I felt that i didn't matter. I know people T is only human but so am I and He seemed so sincere in wanting to help. I feel like a loser because if he does it again I want to just walk away! I keep thinking over and over I don't matter to the people in my life. Now even T makes me feel this way. I am not that strong and it hurts! When he apologized I said thats ok, but i didn't mean it! I felt hurt that I shared my most vulnerable self and he didn't follow through. Has this ever happened to anyone? What did u do?

[AncientMelody]

The best thing to do is discuss it with your therapist. "Being in the waiting room and called in to an appointment is very triggering for me. We had agreed on a plan that would alleviate this stress for me and you did not follow-through on the plan. This was very painful for me"

[phaset]

Wow, did he at least come to his doorway before calling for you? What do you mean you "had to go back and wait"?

[unaluna]

Can you text or phone him right before your appointment? Sometimes i text my t from the building lobby to let him know im there in case he wants to start early (sometimes he does) cuz i dont like to wait in his un-airconditioned waiting room. It gets too hot in there! Ten minutes and im cooked and stressed out!

I asked him how could i let him know i was early. He suggested texting. I dont always do it. Sometimes i wait in the lobby even if i am early. so just talk it over. The better we get at asking for stuff, i think the more we can get out of life, if only from ourselves! We learn to treat ourselves better, im noticing happening to me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T doubled booked my appt the first time I met her. I really felt unimportant and was tempted to just not go back. I mean, if she was already inconsistent, what more would she mess up on in the future?

I talked to a lot of people and they all told me to give her a second chance. I'm glad I did. So far things are going well with her. We've had some hiccups, but they've been addressed and dealt with.

Give your T another chance. If he forgets again, this time tell him you're not okay with it. Let him know exactly how it makes you feel when he forgets and that it's really important that he doesn't.

[baseline]

Originally Posted by phaset

Wow, did he at least come to his doorway before calling for you? What do you mean you "had to go back and wait"?

Hi Phaset, He was on the phone and gave me the signal to wait so i had to go back to the waiting room. The plan was for me to just go back to his office so he wouldn't have to come out and get me. Its a huge waiting room but he is the only T in the place. I did what he told me and felt like an idiot after.

[baseline]

Originally Posted by hankster

Can you text or phone him right before your appointment? Sometimes i text my t from the building lobby to let him know im there in case he wants to start early (sometimes he does) cuz i dont like to wait in his un-airconditioned waiting room. It gets too hot in there! Ten minutes and im cooked and stressed out!

I asked him how could i let him know i was early. He suggested texting. I dont always do it. Sometimes i wait in the lobby even if i am early. so just talk it over. The better we get at asking for stuff, i think the more we can get out of life, if only from ourselves! We learn to treat ourselves better, im noticing happening to me.

Thanks Hankster, I think you are right about getting better for asking for things for myself. It's one of the issues I am working on. That's why I told him about the waiting room thing. He doesn't do text or emails. I wish he did!

[baseline]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

My T doubled booked my appt the first time I met her. I really felt unimportant and was tempted to just not go back. I mean, if she was already inconsistent, what more would she mess up on in the future?

I talked to a lot of people and they all told me to give her a second chance. I'm glad I did. So far things are going well with her. We've had some hiccups, but they've been addressed and dealt with.

Give your T another chance. If he forgets again, this time tell him you're not okay with it. Let him know exactly how it makes you feel when he forgets and that it's really important that he doesn't.

Thanks Scarlet, I will but I truly hope It doesn't happen again. My self esteem is shot to hell to begin with and I am also super sensitive about being rejected!It took a lot for me to open up and explain why his coming out to get me upsets me so much.

[baseline]

Originally Posted by AncientMelody

The best thing to do is discuss it with your therapist. "Being in the waiting room and called in to an appointment is very triggering for me. We had agreed on a plan that would alleviate this stress for me and you did not follow-through on the plan. This was very painful for me"

Hi Melody, You state that so clearly and calmly. Sometimes I just forget how to speak/communicate in his presence. Would you believe I'm an educated ,professional woman and I turn into a child when it comes to standing up for myself!
Thank you for the advice and I will try!

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by baseline

Hi Phaset, He was on the phone and gave me the signal to wait so i had to go back to the waiting room. The plan was for me to just go back to his office so he wouldn't have to come out and get me. Its a huge waiting room but he is the only T in the place. I did what he told me and felt like an idiot after.

I really get what you're going through. I would have felt the same, and have felt like that under different circumstances. I told my therapist I felt humiliated (in a voice mail and later, in person). She heard that, and we worked it out very quickly which I think helped. I think it's important to be really clear about how this makes you feel and to be specific. Otherwise, I don't think they get it. It does sound like yours will be responsive. Maybe ask him to call you on the phone from his office instead of coming to get you?

[ZoomJ]

Hi baseline,
Wow, that would feel awkward - I felt bad just reading it because that would be me too. My t used to yawn and check her watch during my sessions so I stopped seeing her. Not helpful, but I know they are just people who went to school and earned a degree and forget and have off days like we all do. I like ruh roh's the suggestion that your t call you if possible.

[ThingWithFeathers]

My t has said she'd have something ready for me and has forgotten (usually temporarily). At a later date she has remembered and followed through with what she said. The times she's forgotten, I just figure she's had a busy or difficult week.

[baseline]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

My t has said she'd have something ready for me and has forgotten (usually temporarily). At a later date she has remembered and followed through with what she said. The times she's forgotten, I just figure she's had a busy or difficult week.

Hi Feathers, I get that I really do but it was his idea. It was the first time I stood up for myself and asked for what i needed. I just felt so dismissed. I never want to seem selfish or like a burden but that is how I felt. And even worse instead of saying how much it hurt I said that's ok. I perpetuate worthlessness in my own mind.

[ThingWithFeathers]

It's certainly okay for you to feel how you do about it. I'm sorry he let you down. I probably pretend to myself that it doesn't bother me when it does. So I come up with reasons why t didn't follow through to make me feel better. I hope you're able to talk it over with your t.

[baseline]

Well I have T today. I will try again. I'm so nervously stomach hurts. Why do I get like this? He is not a stranger. Why can't I just articulate how I feel? Why do I still need him? Because he makes me feel safe and doesn't judge my depression and anxiety.

[baseline]

He did it again. Came out while i was paying at the desk. Made eye contact and said come back when you are ready. I give up. I didn't leave I went in decided to cut him some slack. We had a good session I'm getting a little better about being open and working on asking for what i need. I got a lot off my chest. It felt good actually.