[BlessedRhiannon]

I fell in to a pretty deep depression on Friday, and feel like I'm still sitting at the bottom of a well. T was out of town, so I couldn't talk to her when it started, and now I simply don't want to talk to anyone. I want to isolate myself and I know that's a bad idea. I have text messages and personal emails I need to respond to. I have work emails I need to respond to. I have a ton of stuff I need to get done for work before I go on vacation this Thursday. It feels almost impossible to even consider replying to anything. It took me an hour just to get in the shower this morning. I haven't felt this low in quite a few months.

The bigger problem is that I know what triggered this episode and I can't talk to T about it. I panic just thinking about it. This started as panic and quickly spiraled in to depression. I know that I should talk to T about it, but I just can't. I'm meeting with her tomorrow. I've sent her a text this morning letting her know how depressed I am. I just wish I didn't have to deal with what triggered this episode, but I do have to deal with it and I need to deal with it today. It's so hard to get up the motivation, though. And talking to T won't help - because I can't tell her about this - and that's even more frustrating, because I usually feel like I can tell my T anything. I just feel stuck right now. I could use some encouragement and good thoughts.

[Wysteria]

Rhiannon,
Of course you have my good wishes and hopes that you can turn things around a bit today. I hope your T has also been able to respond and reassure where she can. Just try to breathe and take a few steps at a time until there is a pattern that will lead you through some of the work you have to get done by Thursday. Please also stop and reward yourselves in even small ways for making progress and for being honest with yourself, seeing where things began to go wrong and taking steps to improve them...
You have a great relationship with your T and not sure why you cannot speak of this, but know that she cares a great deal about you and you are probably being too hard on yourself. T's seem to 'know' and I'm sure her regard of you will not change.
I'm proud of your asking for some good hugs and well wishes and hope they will sustain you through the next few days...try to relax a bit and know you have great regard among so very many..
Gentle hugs as always,
wys

[unaluna]

I dont know why you cant talk to t about it. But the rules are kinda suspended there, or should be. We shouldnt be worried about hurting ts feelings or whatever, as long as we stay calmish. But you know all that. Do you want to pm somebody about it, talk more about it here? How can we help?

[ThingWithFeathers]

I'm right there with you Rhi! And I understand feeling like you can't talk to t about it. Post more if it helps. My tool at the moment is to distract, distract, distract.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Honestly, I just don't even want to think about what triggered this episode. Talking about it sends me straight to panic. I think that right now I just need to deal with what's happening to me emotionally. I just need to know that I'm not alone. I don't feel able to reach out to my friends, so I'm reaching out here for now. I just need a connection of some sort.

[LonesomeTonight]

Can you talk to T about the depression and what you're feeling now without talking about what triggered it?

[ThingWithFeathers]

We're here for you. You have connections here

[divine1966]

Sending you hugs

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[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Can you talk to T about the depression and what you're feeling now without talking about what triggered it?

Yup, that's my plan for now. And I think I can talk about some of the stuff that's triggering this, just not all of it.

[musinglizzy]

How did your session go?

[ThingWithFeathers]

How are you going today?

[BlessedRhiannon]

Thanks ThingWithFeathers and musinglizzy for asking.

My session didn't go exactly like I wanted it to, because I got some bad news just before I walked in and so we spent time processing that. Also, T was very focused on what I was experiencing depression-wise, and making sure I was safe. It was a good session and I feel a bit better, but not much.

I emailed T and told her that I have certain things I want to talk about next session, and would she please prompt me to talk about what may have played a part in triggering this depression. I also noticed that last year at this time, I was in an almost identical mood and so this may just be part of my cycle. If that's the case, this may just be something I need to work with pdoc on.

I'm headed out on vacation late this afternoon, and I'm trying to just focus on that and trying to plan to have an enjoyable time. I'll be on a schedule of activities, so that's going to force me to drag my butt out of bed and go do stuff. It's stuff I normally enjoy, so I'm hoping it will lift my mood somewhat.

[fadedstar]

Vacation might help a bit, particularly if you're stressed. I always say that I'm happiest traveling

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