I feel like every time I finish my session in therapy that it was wasted. I get so nervous talking to my therapist and anxious. I have alot to say and when we get to something traumatic I get overwhelmed/go into a panic attack. I don't know what to do about it. I've been writing my feelings recently into a wordpress and I am scared to show my therapist because I don't want him to think differently of me. I don't know.
He gave me a hug a few times when I use to see him (recently started seeing him again, see previous post about chosing between T's). Now I am just scared to ask him for a hug again. He lets me contact him out of session for check-ins and venting if needed and he gets back to me as soon as he can.
I am scared about alot I guess. I don't want another session wasted... I really never know how to put things into words. Everything is put together before therapy but once I sit down in the office it just falls apart.

I am also very scared to cry in session. I have before but I felt like a waste.

What do you and your T normally do about things like this?
What does your T feel about touch?
What does your T do when you cry ?

[Leah123]

Sometimes I just need to express the panic when doing trauma work- expressing it releases that long stored pent-up energy. However, my therapist also has exercises for addressing anxiety/panic attacks and I've found some myself, so your T should be able to help you modulate your experience a bit when you're overwhelmed- trauma work should feel under your control, it's having the present day control you did not when it happened that helps us heal, so try and remember you are in control now, choosing to be brave and share difficult things and you can stop or start whenever you want.

My T gives hugs on request. We also share songs in between sessions which helps.

When I cry, she'll do a lot of different things, sometimes say she's holding my tears, sometimes say she's sorry I'm in pain, sometimes ask what they're about, just a variety of soothing responses usually. She'll also encourage the crying, tell me it's ok to cry and she's a big believer in the value of a good cry. Sometimes music supplements our therapy and helps me feel a bit more relaxed, emotionally attuned and let those tears out.

Take care, I know it's hard work and feels so frustrating when we don't get what we hoped for out of a session.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by psychmajor18

I feel like every time I finish my session in therapy that it was wasted. I get so nervous talking to my therapist and anxious. I have alot to say and when we get to something traumatic I get overwhelmed/go into a panic attack. I don't know what to do about it. I've been writing my feelings recently into a wordpress and I am scared to show my therapist because I don't want him to think differently of me. I don't know.
He gave me a hug a few times when I use to see him (recently started seeing him again, see previous post about chosing between T's). Now I am just scared to ask him for a hug again. He lets me contact him out of session for check-ins and venting if needed and he gets back to me as soon as he can.
I am scared about alot I guess. I don't want another session wasted... I really never know how to put things into words. Everything is put together before therapy but once I sit down in the office it just falls apart.

I am also very scared to cry in session. I have before but I felt like a waste.

What do you and your T normally do about things like this?
What does your T feel about touch?
What does your T do when you cry ?

My T says no time spent in that room together is a waste. Even if I shut down the entire session, or curl up in a ball and cry. She's right. Sometimes the hardest part is going if I don't feel like going, so just showing up is a huge accomplishment. Hence, no waste. Think of it that way. My T lets me cry, lets me shut down, she'll cover me with a blanket and leave me be. She used to hold me when I cried, she stopped that. Now, depending on the moment, she just talks me through it or lets me cry. My T offers a hug after every session, so she's not completely against touch. Just won't sit by me anymore. It was always my fear to cry in therapy and just have the therapist sit there and stare at me. She does, kind of, but it doesn't feel bad. Because there's a lot of care in that stare, and in her voice. So I guess you could say she holds me with her words. It's not the same, but it'll have to be good enough. Just remember. Sometimes just showing up is half the battle.

[iheartjacques]

He just lets me cry. No idea what he really thinks. But he has tissues and keeps talking me through it.
Other times I haven't been able to say what I really need to say. I'm trying to remember that these feelings come up to be released, not to torment me.
Maybe I sound like I'm all over the place, but I think after all this time he's figured out the really big traumatic stuff and I can only do a little bit at a time whilst also trying to keep the rest of my life stable.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by psychmajor18

I feel like every time I finish my session in therapy that it was wasted. I get so nervous talking to my therapist and anxious. I have alot to say and when we get to something traumatic I get overwhelmed/go into a panic attack. I don't know what to do about it. I've been writing my feelings recently into a wordpress and I am scared to show my therapist because I don't want him to think differently of me. I don't know.
He gave me a hug a few times when I use to see him (recently started seeing him again, see previous post about chosing between T's). Now I am just scared to ask him for a hug again. He lets me contact him out of session for check-ins and venting if needed and he gets back to me as soon as he can.
I am scared about alot I guess. I don't want another session wasted... I really never know how to put things into words. Everything is put together before therapy but once I sit down in the office it just falls apart.

I am also very scared to cry in session. I have before but I felt like a waste.

What do you and your T normally do about things like this?
What does your T feel about touch?
What does your T do when you cry ?

I looked at your post about choosing therapists, and it looks like you chose to go back to this one because of his soft and caring personality. You mentioned that only downside is that he is not much of a talker. I think that's actually a great combo, but difficult because it really does create a lot of tension inside that will force things to surface.

I wonder if you're in that place right now, with all that emotion building up that his silence and warmth are making space for? If so, maybe you have to get uncomfortable enough to risk letting it out (either a little or a lot). You could ask him to talk more, but that might just release the tension for the time being and put you right back where you are. It does sound as though you trust him.

The therapist I see doesn't force things either, but she does talk when I say, "Okay go—say something now." She doesn't do anything when I cry, but it's not like she's a cold block of wood just sitting there. She's very present, but not gushy or emotive. I don't know how to explain it, but it works for me.

I don't know if my therapist touches or hugs clients because I have issues around touch. I'm guessing she does, though, because she does not make a big deal about anything and seems to be careful not to do things that risk causing shame or rejection. She is very affectionate with my dog who goes everywhere with me, including therapy. Maybe that contact and connection they have works for me vicariously.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Leah123

. She'll also encourage the crying, tell me it's ok to cry and she's a big believer in the value of a good cry. Sometimes music supplements our therapy and helps me feel a bit more relaxed, emotionally attuned and let those tears out.
.

How do you use the music? Play it on your phone? I haven't cried yet but I know if music was on, it would bring them out so I've thought about it.

[Leah123]

We use my laptop, during online sessions. I've also given her CDs. An iPod or any similar device would work too.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

No one ever said it was easy