[stopdog]

Do you ever feel like you stated something too strongly and therapist gets it wrong? Like the therapist reacts more over the top to it than you meant or they attribute more things to it than you think is proper? Like you did not think you were putting the situation in such sensational or histrionical way - but the therapist keeps insisting and talking about it in stronger terms than seem just? The thing is whether the language of the client is what caused it by being too much or if it comes the therapist themselves.

Not that I can think of, but I'm not sure my brain is all awake and functioning yet this morning . . .

[Leah123]

Yes, indeed. However, a redeeming quality of my current therapist is that when she overexaggerates or misperceives the importance/impact of something she's amenable to changing her mind when I clarify. Offhand (early here too) I can only think of one particularly ugly episode where I'm not sure she was willing to come around, otherwise, she's quite reasonable.

I believe it's both that can cause these issues, but in my case, I tend to think it's more often the therapist's thinking/training that causes that. One fairly innocuous example of this in my therapy is how when I tell her I'm anxious, she sometimes says anxiety overlies sadness as if it's a law of nature. Clearly, something from her training, and I think her own experience. I think that is sometimes true, but in my case, anxiety is definitely not always related to sadness, it has variable causes.

Still not coming up with anything, but it may just be because if I ever found my T not quite understand/getting what I was saying, I simply clarified and he listened and we moved on, so it isn't something that stuck in my head particularly. I haven't voted because I can't say no or even sometimes for certain. Maybe I'm just not understanding what you are asking? (I am a bit brain dead today for some reason.)

[stopdog]

Like if you describe interactions with your parents and you think you are using non-inflammatory language but the therapist reacts like it was something super horrible and you don't think it was all that big of a deal. Is it the client's language or the therapist's over-reaction?

Hmm. I've never had a therapist over-react like that I guess. I've always found their responses pretty measured and calm and pretty en pointe. There may have been times we didn't necessarily agree about the degree/severity of something, but I see that neither a problem with my language nor a problem with the therapist over-reacting, but instead as us just seeing things differently, from different perspectives. We've been known to agree to disagree about things. Not really a problem.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Like if you describe interactions with your parents and you think you are using non-inflammatory language but the therapist reacts like it was something super horrible and you don't think it was all that big of a deal. Is it the client's language or the therapist's over-reaction?

Well, I think that can be caused by three things- the client being unaware of how serious something was, the therapist's misperception accentuated by training, or the client's language, least likely the third imo, unless the language is outrageous.

I will say that hearing a therapist completely "overreact" to my accounts of what was going on in my family when I was a teenager was what eventually got me away from my unstable, crazy-making mother and my abusive alcoholic father.

So, sometimes I find them to be off base and judgemental based on what they've been taught or their own proclivities, but sometimes it turns out I've been off base and seeing how someone else views the dysfunctional situation is enlightening.

[atisketatasket]

Not yet. Of course, this may be due to the fact that a) I tend to understate things, and b) when I do tell her something that she thinks is terrible, I already think it's terrible myself.

[unaluna]

I often get or got the opposite reaction. Because i laughed at the end of whatever story, the t thought i had resolved my feelings and didnt think it was that big a deal. Unfortunately, they didnt tell me that until years later. Meanwhile im wondering why theyre not responding to my horrible stories (huh i can see why they got confused BUT STILL!!) Butt munches!

Fortunately this t understands the laughing clown. Ooh like the laughing cow - cheese?

[stopdog]

I am often described as understated -although I don't think I am so much as simply not having an urge to overstate. But it seems they want to rush in and label things as sadistic or abuse when my description, I think, was not that over the top. So I think perhaps I described it incorrectly, although I was using a mostly dragnet approach.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am often described as understated -although I don't think I am so much as simply not having an urge to overstate. But it seems they want to rush in and label things as sadistic or abuse when my description, I think, was not that over the top. So I think perhaps I described it incorrectly, although I was using a mostly dragnet approach.

What if you look at it lawyerly? What were each person's rights in the case? Or some other perspective other than right / wrong; abuse / kindness; ...?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by hankster

What if you look at it lawyerly? What were each person's rights in the case? Or some other perspective other than right / wrong; abuse / kindness; ...?

That is not what I am asking about.
I wondered if it happened to other people often.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

That is not what I am asking about.
I wondered if it happened to other people often.

Dont make me go all godfather on you! On this, the day of my mother's death, you can ask me any favor, and i cannot refuse you!

Sorry - they keep showing On the Waterfront and it brings out my inner Brando... my outer Brando is always with me, unfortunately...

[ruh roh]

I voted "sometimes" because I think there have been times I felt that I overstated, based on the therapist's reaction, or my perception of their reaction, or a label they used for whatever I described.

It's only happened a couple times with the therapist I see now. It happened when she used terms that made me think I'd overstated something. I ended up emailing my clarifications, wanting to make sure I hadn't misled her, and then (if it still bothered me) brought it up at the next session. Each time, she said she did not think I overstated; that, if anything, I had understated the situation. One time, her interpretation upset me quite a lot, to the point of being ill, so she suggested I just call it something else and leave it alone for the time being.

I wouldn't be able to see a therapist who overreacts and makes a big deal about things.

[JustShakey]

Well, the only thing I can think of is his reaction to my descriptions of the stbx's abuse. But I *was* minimizing that...

[AllHeart]

I understate at best.

[brillskep]

It occasionally happens with the good things I tell him. Now, granted, I am occasionally pessimistic, especially when it comes to my personal life and well-being, and I do have a tendency to underestimate myself, and in that context it's good for me when my therapist insists on reminding me about the bright side. Sometimes he does think it's brighter than it is, though. I normally feel very well in session with him and, even though I've repeatedly told him that I sometimes feel badly in other contexts, I still think he takes my in-session attitude as if it were more general than it is. He also occasionally seems to think my progress is greater than it is. Usually he does get me quite a bit, but sometimes, when he gets way too optimistic, I feel rather alone with my less-than-good moods. Luckily it doesn't happen all that often.

[stopdog]

Have they ever told anyone else their affect really doesn't change no matter if talking about something happy or sad or scary etc?

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Have they ever told anyone else their affect really doesn't change no matter if talking about something happy or sad or scary etc?

Do you mean the therapists' affect?

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[stopdog]

No - has the therapist told the client that the client's affect doesn't seem to change much

[msxyz]

No, my therapist is more on the understated side.

[alcibie1]

I get told that my affect doesn't change and that I always look bright and composed when talking no matter what the subject matter is, also that "feelings" have never really been expressed

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Have they ever told anyone else their affect really doesn't change no matter if talking about something happy or sad or scary etc?

Like my 2nd week of dbt group, i was early along with a few other people. Then when the session started this one woman asked the leader if it "meant anything" when someone's voice had flat affect. Since i was the only new person there, i assumed she meant me. Beeyotch. Does that count?

[Perna]

I have had my therapist make a bigger deal over something than I did initially, until I understood her point of view/what she was seeing and why she felt the way she did about it.

I was raised with a lot of sarcasm and teasing and warped point of view. My stepmother would downplay my pain about the "usual" things saying, "Everyone is just as tired/cold/hot/hungry/thirsty, etc. as you are" and I learned to think everything and everyone was "equal" so it took awhile for me to understand in a real way that children are not just small adults, for example, and my being tired/cold/hot/hungry/thirsty, etc. deserves to be acknowledged by them that can do something about it.

Back when I was a child, that was my stepmother and saying I was "complaining" (and she'd walk too fast for my smaller legs and admonish me to "keep up!") instead of recognizing I had different needs from hers did not do me any favors later when I still thought I was the one who had the problems always and that criticism was my due. So, when my therapist would take my side and point out the error of my stepmother's ways, I would wonder why she was so upset because I had been trained to believe my stepmother's ways were "right".

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by stopdog

No - has the therapist told the client that the client's affect doesn't seem to change much

Yes, this happened the entire time with my last long-term T I had as a teenager. I was mostly completely shut down and correspondingly, my affect was mostly flat.

In my case, it was a sign of trauma and fear and bad therapy.