[IndestructibleGirl]

I had a really sh#tty afternoon trying to start my formal write up of all the points for reporting ex therapist. And I am suffering

Reading all the details from the interactions is hurting like crazy. I just want to forget her and the whole business, and when I engage with it to compile the report it feels like it is damaging me. It feels almost dangerous. Reading all the things I wrote with abject despair and hurt is making me feel it again.

Reading all the communications from her that are full of warmth and love are THE WORST. When I come across the bits where she has been a d'ck it doesn't affect me, I can cope with that - it's the tender bits that are wrecking my head and making me feel waves of love laced with pain I've not felt in MONTHS

I went out for a drink with a friend and that was great because I feel more like myself again now, back to normal, but I am wondering how to resolve this in my head. I need to write this report but I don't want to screw myself up again.

Not sure how to handle this.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I can relate. I've read my past correspondence with ex-T 3 times since the termination. First time was right after termination because I wanted to remember the good things. Second time was because new T told me to, so I could feel grief again instead of anger. Last time was because I was filling out the APA grievance form. I tried to rewrite the APA form for the state grievance form, but couldn't reread what I wrote.

It's very painful. It's like you're reliving it all over again. I don't know of an easy way to do it expect to be patient with yourself. If you start feeling like it's too much, take a break. And a break could be an hour, a day, even a week. Listen to your body and mind, it will tell you when it starts to become too much.

Best of luck

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

I had a really sh#tty afternoon trying to start my formal write up of all the points for reporting ex therapist. And I am suffering

Reading all the details from the interactions is hurting like crazy. I just want to forget her and the whole business, and when I engage with it to compile the report it feels like it is damaging me. It feels almost dangerous. Reading all the things I wrote with abject despair and hurt is making me feel it again.

Reading all the communications from her that are full of warmth and love are THE WORST. When I come across the bits where she has been a d'ck it doesn't affect me, I can cope with that - it's the tender bits that are wrecking my head and making me feel waves of love laced with pain I've not felt in MONTHS

I went out for a drink with a friend and that was great because I feel more like myself again now, back to normal, but I am wondering how to resolve this in my head. I need to write this report but I don't want to screw myself up again.

Not sure how to handle this.

The very system set up to report a therapist is revictimizing- with no guarantee you will get justice, satisfaction or closure.

It was another trauma for me.
No one could have ever prepared me for all the stalling, gymnastic attorney manuvers, victim-blaming, flaming, half-truths, out right lies, deep hurt, doubt---that I experienced, that came at ME while I tried to bring a person to justice.
You have the option of filing or not filing.
Take some time to think about it.

[mandehble]

yeah, going back and reading warm correspondences from someone with whom you've since had a falling out is NOT fun and definitely causes emotional turmoil and confusion. I've experiences this myself. My heart goes out to you!

I can relate.

I had a cellphone that had several voicemails that my ex-therapist had left. I lost it shortly after he abandoned me. I was glad. I didn't want those reminders of his "kindness" which at that point I knew to be fake.

Filing the complaint was very painful for me, but it did give me some form of closure in that I knew I would never have him for a therapist again and up until that point I had some hope of that. So it helped in a way. BUT it is painful and re-traumatizing and the whole process sucks.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Thank you guys so much for talking to me about this, for sharing you own experiences. Means a lot.

I am fine again today - but haven't tried to write up anymore. I think what I will do is accept it will take ages but do it in wee chunks of no more than an hour at a time, and try to time it before I am going out so will be able to shift my focus elsewhere. What really annoyed me was getting palpitations during it, because it means that I can't say go for a run then as stress-buster. Palpitations make me feel like **** physically.

It was probably ambitious to think I could do it all in a few days.

I have no useful advice, just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you're having to go through this painful thing. Take care of yourself, and yes, allow it to take a bit of time.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Thanks Mast

Yeah, I wish I didn't have to do it. Have considered not doing it, but the right thing for me is to do it.

I do fully accept it might achieve nothing concrete, but at least I will have done all in my power to speak up for what is the right thing to do. I can't ask any more of myself than that. Whereas if I get really annoyed and sack it off and don't bother, then I feel like I'm letting myself be bullied in some way - like I'm being silenced out of fear of the pain from her actions. Bollox to that!