[Suraya]

I have several major events/losses in my life right now and needless to say I am under a huge amount of stress which is causing a lot of anxiety and depression. The latest involves my 17 year old adopted daughter who is in a treatment center for her awful behavior related to her reactive attachment and borderline disorders. She's been in for three months, after first spending a month in jail for violating probation and continuing to run away. The department of human services became involved when her probation officer told the judge she was completely out of control and I needed help with her. Well, now that it is clear that my daughter will be placed out of my home for more than five months, DHS opened a dependency and neglect case which could really affect me.

Because of this case being opened, they wanted me to have a mental health evaluation and see a therapist. I told them I already have a T, so they made me sign a release so that the caseworker could talk to my T and find out things about me and what I talk about regarding my daughter and my stability, etc. this really upsets me. What I discuss with T should be private. Knowing this information can be shared will make me clam up and not be willing to share how I feel and this won't help me through this hard time at all. I feel like they don't even take my feelings and stress into consideration at all and only care about my kid - when in actuality I have been the victim of my kid's abusive behavior.

Also, they feel like I should be seeing T to just focus on the issues related to my kid. The truth is I have a cornucopia of issues I'm dealing with right now that I need to be processing with T. I don't know if I even feel comfortable going to my next session knowing she's been told she can tell the case worker privileged information.

[Leah123]

Can you just opt to see an additional therapist of their choosing for that mental health evaluation, and keep your own T to yourself for all your issues?

Also, is the release limited, I mean, will they have perpetual rights to get information from your therapist? Hopefully not, just a fixed period for very specific info?

I'm sorry things have gotten so out of control with your daughter, but congrats for getting her into a facility that will help her reach adulthood. My son, now in his mid-thirties, was also a troubled child who I adopted when he was 7. Attachment and prior abuse made adolescence a tough road for the both of us, but we got through it. You and your daughter will get through to the other side too . . .You both will probably have a few more dings and dents due to the rough road, but you'll make it!

I agree with Leah, it might be better to agree to go to their psychologist for an evaluation. You will have to answer a variety of difficult, challenging questions, but it won't be on the level of intimacy that you have with your own therapist. Keep your therapist for your own needs. When my son was going through his roughest time, he saw his own therapist and I met with one I'd picked out to support me and my own issues unrelated to the parenting. We'd talk about parenting stuff, but basically she was there for me and my own painful past and how it played out for me in the present. When I'd meet with his therapist for a "family meeting", I'd have to recognize that his therapist was there for my son--he was on my son's side and protective of him and I didn't want it to be any other way. My son needed that compassion and protection--not because I was hurting him or abusive, but because his history was so abusive that he needed to push against me but still have an adult in his corner. Yes, his therapist was confrontative with me and my parenting style and sometimes what he said stung and hurt because I was really really working hard to be a good supportive parent. But I just kept telling myself that my son had been through a lot in his early life and I really NEEDED the help being a good parent and if I needed to be the "bad guy" for a while, then so be it. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary. I found that the less angry and resentful I was toward the professionals working with me, the more receptive they were about helping me and supporting my parenting of a difficult child.

I wish you good luck. Keep hanging in there and getting the help both you and your child deserve.

[Suraya]

I don't actually have to have a mental health evaluation since I already see a therapist. Part of my "compliance" with the D&N case is that I'm in therapy, which I already am. I just don't like the fact that they have the ability to talk to my therapist and check on any progress I'm making in therapy - as if they even know whether or not I need actual therapy. My daughter's the one in a treatment center.

[Lauliza]

I think you can talk to your T about this and discuss what she's going to disclose. Unless you've told her things that she'd be requires to disclose as a mandated reporter, she can pick and choose what she shares. You should talk to her about it so she knows your concerns.