[SheHulk07]

I don't know if this fits in this forum, so I apologize if it's not in the right one.

I'm not usually the one to think, "Man I wish I could see T and tell him/her this." For me, it's more I hold it together for 2 weeks, and think, "Good I see T next week and can tell him then." But today I got upsetting news today that an evaluation I had on my son in May diagnosed him with Oppositional Defiant Disorder when they didn't even mention that as a possibility to me. To see that in writing just crushed me, and the first thing that popped in my head was, "I just wish I could see T today."

I feel like I have no one to talk to about this, besides my T, and I can't even do that right now because both are on vacation for another 2 weeks. That is if T1 finally decides to come back after paternity leave.

[musinglizzy]

You can always vent here! That's what we're here for! Not the same, but you still may find it helpful.

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

You can always vent here! That's what we're here for! Not the same, but you still may find it helpful.

Thank you. This summer has sucked for me, and not having my normal T has made it harder on me. I feel so alone in this, and if I tell my husband, he'll get pissed...I'll get pissed...nothing will get solved.

My sister has ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) it is tough but it is manageable she can be a real pain in the you know where especially with my issues it totally clashed but as she gets older it is getting a bit better but that could also be due to all the parenting techniques my mum used when she was little (my mum would not have a child that would embarrass her in public) anyway my point is it is ok it sucks but you will survive.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by AmyFed07

Thank you. This summer has sucked for me, and not having my normal T has made it harder on me. I feel so alone in this, and if I tell my husband, he'll get pissed...I'll get pissed...nothing will get solved.

I have had a pretty sh*tty summer myself....

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by eden1515

My sister has ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) it is tough but it is manageable she can be a real pain in the you know where especially with my issues it totally clashed but as she gets older it is getting a bit better but that could also be due to all the parenting techniques my mum used when she was little (my mum would not have a child that would embarrass her in public) anyway my point is it is ok it sucks but you will survive.

That's what they have diagnosed my son with. Just reading the report, seeing"he won't be successful with x,y,z." Etc etc just felt so defeating. No recommendations of what to do, just all not to do stuff.

Originally Posted by AmyFed07

That's what they have diagnosed my son with. Just reading the report, seeing"he won't be successful with x,y,z." Etc etc just felt so defeating. No recommendations of what to do, just all not to do stuff.

Lots of positive praise is good like make a big deal when he does the right thing and try not to give attention for bad things try and also do homework straight after school that can help. There is a really good documentary called "kids on speed" it is australian so i dont know if you can find it but it is in 3 parts and is all about adhd and odd.

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by eden1515

Lots of positive praise is good like make a big deal when he does the right thing and try not to give attention for bad things try and also do homework straight after school that can help. TheHnt know if you can find it but it is in 3 parts and is all about adhd and odd.

We are attempting to home school him this year via an online program, because we've been through 4 schools in 3 years with him. We recently began home therapy, and have a behavior coach that comes twice a week since February, plus he gets occupational and speech therapy. He has a lot of sensory problems, on top of the ADHD, so it makes things really difficult. I just need to process all of this, and I wish I could process it out loud with my therapist.

Ware ADHD and odd his only issues? Just curious it is good you are able to access all of that help maybe write how you feel down and then see if that helps process things a bit.

[SheHulk07]

No, the ADHD and ODD aren't his only problems. I don't agree with the ODD part, which is partly why I'm so upset. He has a lot of sensory problems, and we were told by other professionals (therapists, occupational therapist, and psychiatrist) that he has a lot of traits of autism. However the people who did his evaluation didn't agree. The whole report I feel contradicts each other...I'm just very confused by it. I gave the report to his behavioral coach today, but we didn't have time to discuss it. Hopefully next time.

[Bipolar Warrior]

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling.

I was oppositional defiant as a child. For me it was part of childhood bipolar disorder, which I was never diagnosed with, only getting diagnosed three and a half years ago when I was 23. If I had been diagnosed back then, in the mid-90s, I would likely have been misdiagnosed, so I guess in a way I am glad I wasn't.

I think the main reason why they never bothered to diagnose me was simply because I'm a girl. Girls typically come across as less volatile; less explosive, if you will. Our disorders always manifest in different ways. I did, however, frequently argue with my teachers, and I did the opposite of what they told me to do. I also threw a lot of hissy fits. I probably came across as a terrible brat, but inside my head was chaos and by the time I reached my mid-teens I was exhausted from the emotional turmoil and crashed into a series of severe depressions, which lasted for several years.

I was shown very little compassion. I was mostly just treated like a problem by those around me, including my parents. Grown-ups would constantly tell me off for misbehaving, and yet I didn't know how to make it stop, and I didn't feel like anyone wanted to listen to me. So I learned that I needed to contain my emotions, which was something I repeatedly failed to do, and as a result I would explode and throw a fit at someone who probably didn't deserve it (lol).

A child with behavioural issues is a constant struggle, but it is important to stay compassionate, not just towards the child but to yourself as well. I recommend watching this TEDx talk:

Everything she says is so true, and I love that little story towards the end about her son throwing a tantrum on the plane and how she got through it using self-compassion. I think that is a beautiful and important message.

Sorry about the rant. I do that sometimes.

Anyway, if you have questions about the ODD diagnosis, you should absolutely look into it. Health professionals are wrong sometimes, after all, and oppositional defiant behaviour doesn't necessarily mean oppositional defiant disorder. At least I don't think it does?

Originally Posted by AmyFed07

No, the ADHD and ODD aren't his only problems. I don't agree with the ODD part, which is partly why I'm so upset. He has a lot of sensory problems, and we were told by other professionals (therapists, occupational therapist, and psychiatrist) that he has a lot of traits of autism. However the people who did his evaluation didn't agree. The whole report I feel contradicts each other...I'm just very confused by it. I gave the report to his behavioral coach today, but we didn't have time to discuss it. Hopefully next time.

It could be autism i was thinking that before but i didn't want to say anything. Getting diagnosed is hard i had a lot of sensory problems as a kid like heaps and they still havent decided if i am autistic or not and they have been looking into it for 17 years but it isnt causing me the most amount of distress at the moment so i think that has taken a back seat. My piont is it may be a while before you will get any answers so just be patient and try not to focus on the name just do what you can to make things easier.

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling.

I was oppositional defiant as a child. For me it was part of childhood bipolar disorder, which I was never diagnosed with, only getting diagnosed three and a half years ago when I was 23. If I had been diagnosed back then, in the mid-90s, I would likely have been misdiagnosed, so I guess in a way I am glad I wasn't.

I think the main reason why they never bothered to diagnose me was simply because I'm a girl. Girls typically come across as less volatile; less explosive, if you will. Our disorders always manifest in different ways. I did, however, frequently argue with my teachers, and I did the opposite of what they told me to do. I also threw a lot of hissy fits. I probably came across as a terrible brat, but inside my head was chaos and by the time I reached my mid-teens I was exhausted from the emotional turmoil and crashed into a series of severe depressions, which lasted for several years.

I was shown very little compassion. I was mostly just treated like a problem by those around me, including my parents. Grown-ups would constantly tell me off for misbehaving, and yet I didn't know how to make it stop, and I didn't feel like anyone wanted to listen to me. So I learned that I needed to contain my emotions, which was something I repeatedly failed to do, and as a result I would explode and throw a fit at someone who probably didn't deserve it (lol).

A child with behavioural issues is a constant struggle, but it is important to stay compassionate, not just towards the child but to yourself as well. I recommend watching this TEDx talk:

Everything she says is so true, and I love that little story towards the end about her son throwing a tantrum on the plane and how she got through it using self-compassion. I think that is a beautiful and important message.

Sorry about the rant. I do that sometimes.

Anyway, if you have questions about the ODD diagnosis, you should absolutely look into it. Health professionals are wrong sometimes, after all, and oppositional defiant behaviour doesn't necessarily mean oppositional defiant disorder. At least I don't think it does?

I have actually watched that Tedx talk before, and I usually try not to let what others think bother me when he's having a meltdown.

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by eden1515

It could be autism i was thinking that before but i didn't want to say anything. Getting diagnosed is hard i had a lot of sensory problems as a kid like heaps and they still havent decided if i am autistic or not and they have been looking into it for 17 years but it isnt causing me the most amount of distress at the moment so i think that has taken a back seat. My piont is it may be a while before you will get any answers so just be patient and try not to focus on the name just do what you can to make things easier.

Thank you. I'm really trying to be patient with him and myself. I'm trying to get him all the help he needs, and giving lots of praise and all that. It is very draining at times though when I have 2 other kids to take care of, and I am basically in this alone. My husband works 50-60hrs a week, so he doesn't want to deal with it when he is home. And my father lives with us, and just stares at me and undermines me when he's having a meltdown. So here I am, trying to comfort an infant, my middle son is teasing my oldest, and my oldest is having an epic meltdown and hitting me because I have to step in to defuse the situation... All while I'm battling my own depression and anxiety right now. <<<Actually happened yesterday.

Originally Posted by AmyFed07

Thank you. I'm really trying to be patient with him and myself. I'm trying to get him all the help he needs, and giving lots of praise and all that. It is very draining at times though when I have 2 other kids to take care of, and I am basically in this alone. My husband works 50-60hrs a week, so he doesn't want to deal with it when he is home. And my father lives with us, and just stares at me and undermines me when he's having a meltdown. So here I am, trying to comfort an infant, my middle son is teasing my oldest, and my oldest is having an epic meltdown and hitting me because I have to step in to defuse the situation... All while I'm battling my own depression and anxiety right now. <<<Actually happened yesterday.

That is hard just on a side note make sure when giving praise to your son you don't forget to praise your other children as well my mum forgot and it has almost ruined my relationship with her she completely refuses to admit she did anything wrong but she basically ignored me and my other sister and it was at a pretty important time but there are other issues with her that didn't help but just remember to remember your other kids too. Can you get someone else to help like a care worker or a good friend?

[SheHulk07]

I really try as hard as I can to give my other son praise too, and when I can individual time with him. I make sure I go to his school programs and went to breakfast with mom the other day with him. And I don't have any friends, and couldn't afford a care worker. So it's just me.

Originally Posted by AmyFed07

I really try as hard as I can to give my other son praise too, and when I can individual time with him. I make sure I go to his school programs and went to breakfast with mom the other day with him. And I don't have any friends, and couldn't afford a care worker. So it's just me.

That is good i would also suggest take time to check in with him about it to be sure. Can you get government assistance for the care worker?

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by eden1515

That is good i would also suggest take time to check in with him about it to be sure. Can you get government assistance for the care worker?

Do you have any suugesstions on checking in with him? He's only 6, so besides my usual, "Mommy loves you, you're smart and handsome, blah blah blah, I don't know what else I could try. I just recently put him in therapy as well to help him cope with what's going on, and those are just mommy and him.

And I'll have to look into the care worker!

Just ask him how he feels and his thoughts on the situation and if he feels like he doesnt get much time with him. You seem to be doing ok though at least with the therapy he will get some way to express himself and such. Yeah the care worker thing would be good. When i was little my mum had a place at a particular day-care because she needed a break from me because i never stopped screaming which the government helped with.