So... I'm not quite sure what this post is supposed to accomplish, but I'll write something and see where it ends up. I think I just want to structure my thoughts a bit, which I do best if I write them down.

I have only five days to go until I see my therapist again; he's been on holiday since mid-June and I last saw him nine weeks ago. At this point, the time until my next session is the same as between my normal Thursday and Tuesday sessions. I've been envisioning a bunch of versions of what I'll do in my first session next week...
* the independent thing: pretend that the break never happened; he did not offer any assistance to help me get through the summer, which means that I was supposed to do it alone, and so I won't talk about any of the things that happened since I last saw him
* the mature thing: be fine with the break - which is not his "fault" after all, he doesn't decide how many vacation days he gets and I would not want a T who didn't take vacations like other people - and simply talk about the things that happened, without making any reference to his absence
* the needy thing: talk about not being fine about the break, because some of the time I wasn't
* the unlikely thing: talk about being fine about the break, because some of the time I was (ok, this is a stupid option, I'm not going to pick this one. If I was fine, I don't need to discuss that)
* the drastic thing: tell him that I'm doing great and don't need therapy any longer
* the usual thing: just wing it and see what comes up, which is the way my sessions usually work when I don't have anything specific to talk about

I know that some of these options might be better for me than some of the others, but I don't know if I actually want to do what's best for me. By the start of this summer I had started thinking that I'm kind of an okay person who might deserve to get help with my problems after all, but I think that was just a temporary delusion.

So, yeah, just wanting to get this out there, I guess. If anybody read this far, thank you.

[atisketatasket]

Doesn't sound like it should be a temporary delusion to me. Why not talk about that?

Oh, and I'd go for the mature thing, if possible. You shouldn't hide the fact there were issues.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[ruh roh]

I'm not sure if you want comments or, if you do, what kind of comments are appropriate to your therapy (it does seem different enough where you live that I don't want to be totally off base).

I went through this when my therapist was on a very tiny vacation a couple months ago, and decided to just say what I felt, which was that I was really glad she was back. I don't know if you're glad that your therapist is back in the same way that I was glad, but another option could be to tell him whatever it is that you think or feel about his absence and return.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who runs through all the options on how to act!!!

How about trying the honest thing: talk about the ups and downs of this long break -- how it was pretty difficult at times and why, etc.

[StressedMess]

Oh my, Mast! Not sure you are asking for opinions, but I think I would just wing it. However, not having been in your situation before, I have no idea how I would act. Just wanted to hug you!!

[feralkittymom]

You're so monumentally hard on yourself, Mast.

I think the more you can allow yourself to speak from your heart, the more relief you'll feel.

[Bill3]

1. I enjoy reading your writing.

2. Which options have you used in the past and how did they work out for you?

I would tell him all of the ways that you felt while he was gone, and maybe even how you wish you felt. Let us know how it goes.

Thanks, guys. I didn't know what kind of response I wanted, but all of you gave it to me anyway. I appreciate all the responses, helpful suggestions and general support. I'm feeling pretty okay right now and not too worried about Tuesday. I've managed to remind myself that T is the one person I do trust to be on my side, and every time I've been super anxious before a session it has turned out well.

Originally Posted by Bill3

1. I enjoy reading your writing.

2. Which options have you used in the past and how did they work out for you?

Thanks, Bill

In the past, when there are things I've decided not to mention I usually end up talking about them anyway, and it usually ends well. I think I will say something about the various scenarios I've imagined - that's a good suggestion, thanks to those who made it! Also, I try not to overthink things. If I plan what to say in too much detail the sessions tend to go slightly less well than when I allow myself to say what I'm thinking in the moment.

It feels surreal that it's only a day left... Thanks again. I'll let you know how it goes.

[musinglizzy]

Good luck tomorrow! If it were me, it would be between the mature thing, and "winging it." I typically do "wing it" through my sessions. Occasionally I have a plan, or agenda, but that's not normally the case. When my T came back last week after being away a couple weeks, I guess I see myself as having acted like she wasn't even gone, but did fill her in on those two weeks. I didn't bring up her vacation at all, nor did she.

[StressedMess]

Mast, if you want to unload, I'm all ears. Hope it's not horrible!

[musinglizzy]

How did it go?

Hey,
thanks for asking. I guess it went ok. I don't want to say anything, positive or negative, but I'm grateful to those who were thinking about me.

[musinglizzy]

I understand. Was just curious which approach you took. Take care!

I'm sorry. I am really proficient at pushing people away.

I tried the honest approach but did not talk about his absence being difficult. No point in doing that, and it was hard to talk at all. I kind of regret some of the things I said.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

So... I'm not quite sure what this post is supposed to accomplish, but I'll write something and see where it ends up. I think I just want to structure my thoughts a bit, which I do best if I write them down.

I have only five days to go until I see my therapist again; he's been on holiday since mid-June and I last saw him nine weeks ago. At this point, the time until my next session is the same as between my normal Thursday and Tuesday sessions. I've been envisioning a bunch of versions of what I'll do in my first session next week...
* the independent thing: pretend that the break never happened; he did not offer any assistance to help me get through the summer, which means that I was supposed to do it alone, and so I won't talk about any of the things that happened since I last saw him
* the mature thing: be fine with the break - which is not his "fault" after all, he doesn't decide how many vacation days he gets and I would not want a T who didn't take vacations like other people - and simply talk about the things that happened, without making any reference to his absence
* the needy thing: talk about not being fine about the break, because some of the time I wasn't
* the unlikely thing: talk about being fine about the break, because some of the time I was (ok, this is a stupid option, I'm not going to pick this one. If I was fine, I don't need to discuss that)
* the drastic thing: tell him that I'm doing great and don't need therapy any longer
* the usual thing: just wing it and see what comes up, which is the way my sessions usually work when I don't have anything specific to talk about

I know that some of these options might be better for me than some of the others, but I don't know if I actually want to do what's best for me. By the start of this summer I had started thinking that I'm kind of an okay person who might deserve to get help with my problems after all, but I think that was just a temporary delusion.

So, yeah, just wanting to get this out there, I guess. If anybody read this far, thank you.

I'm seeing my T in a few days after not seeing her for a month (the longest I've ever gone without seeing her). At first it was actually pretty hard for me, I'm not quite sure why. But after a few days, it was like I dont even go to therapy! Now the time is coming up and I really dont want to go But in my opinion, I personally would choose the independent and mature thing to do. Goodluck

[feralkittymom]

I kind of regret some of the things I said.

I actually think this may indicate saying things that needed to be said. I'm sure you didn't say hurtful or mean things which maybe could be regretful; but rather, self doubts that feel regretful, but maybe arise from defenses. That's not a bad thing. Uncomfortable, to be sure; but just maybe OK.

[SheHulk07]

I feel like I can relate to your post. I, too, have a week until my therapist comes back from a 3 month leave. I have not seen him since mid May, and this summer has gone to ****. I'm sure ill be going over similar things in my head as you were before see him.