[AnaWhitney]

I can talk about facts and deal with and speak about things that are on a cognitive level no problem. But very often my T will ask what emotion comes with that or how I actually feel when I am behaving a certain way. And I always look at her like she has 3 heads and think 'how am I supposed to know that?' Once when she encouraged me to dig deep and find it, my response was that I don't think I have feelings. For as long as I can remember, they just have not registered so they aren't there to be discussed.
The more this happens the more I realise that most normal people are in touch with emotions, can own them and talk about them. Why am I so different?
Since realising all of this, if there is the odd time that I feel something, I try to write it down before it gets lost, but then I actually can't even identify what emotion it is. I've even googled list of emotions and I look through the lists hoping to be able to pick a suitable one, but it hasn't worked.
It's sort of hard to participate properly in my own therapy when I am so out of touch. Why am I like this? Has anyone heard of anyone with this problem before?

[Ellahmae]

Yes, it took me a long time to associate feelings with events (or anything). I had to just keep trying to pay attention to everything when I started to "feel odd" and write. Not necessarily an emotion but any words that were floating in my head at the time. It was a learning process and I'm still learning. Sometimes the only thing I can identify is, "I have an upset stomaxh" which according to my T is an acceptable response for where I am now and what I'm learning.

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[richeye]

I know the feeling, or lack of feeling! I've been in a weird mind f__k for 11 years, and seem to be getting out of it over the past year.
So i don't think either one of us is, or has been, a monster. You're the first person in my memory who has shared what's been going on since i was 26. Before that i very depressed and very anxious, and maybe I've been trying to mask these feelings. Who knows.

Let me know what you think and/or feel!

Originally Posted by AnaWhitney

I can talk about facts and deal with and speak about things that are on a cognitive level no problem. But very often my T will ask what emotion comes with that or how I actually feel when I am behaving a certain way. And I always look at her like she has 3 heads and think 'how am I supposed to know that?' Once when she encouraged me to dig deep and find it, my response was that I don't think I have feelings. For as long as I can remember, they just have not registered so they aren't there to be discussed.
The more this happens the more I realise that most normal people are in touch with emotions, can own them and talk about them. Why am I so different?
Since realising all of this, if there is the odd time that I feel something, I try to write it down before it gets lost, but then I actually can't even identify what emotion it is. I've even googled list of emotions and I look through the lists hoping to be able to pick a suitable one, but it hasn't worked.
It's sort of hard to participate properly in my own therapy when I am so out of touch. Why am I like this? Has anyone heard of anyone with this problem before?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

The more this happens the more I realise that most normal people are in touch with emotions, can own them and talk about them. - I found that I had to find words to describe what I was feeling (or not feeling), once you have language for them you can begin to explore them.

After 15 months of therapy I am finally starting to feel for myself. I recently saw a kids movie called inside out - basically the emotions of a little girl are personified. There is a bit in the movie where the emotions realise the control panel has frozen over and one of them says "we can't make her feel anything!" It resonated with me so strongly.

[stopdog]

Usually when asked and I answer - the woman tells me what I said is not a feeling. Since it is the only answer I have and seems like a feeling to me, we are often stymied on that. The other one thinks I have them but don't show them.
I smile, I frown, I look concerned - I don't know what more could be called for.

[atisketatasket]

I also have this problem. So when she asks me what I'm feeling, I think about what I should be feeling, i.e., what a normal person would feel. Which is not the point of the exercise.

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[AnaWhitney]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I also have this problem. So when she asks me what I'm feeling, I think about what I should be feeling, i.e., what a normal person would feel. Which is not the point of the exercise.

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Wow I do this too! She has also told me off (politely) for using the words 'normal person' a lot and is always saying there is no right or wrong way to feel. So I often say that I FEEL that I should be able to just be normal. How irritating for her!

[FranzJosef]

"I don't have any feelings" is quite a common starting point for therapy. Even more common is "I don't have any feelings except X". Therapy can be quite effective at uncovering feelings you didn't think you had.

[stopdog]

I would be quite pissed if therapy uncovered feelings I did not think I had. I did not go to have feelings uncovered.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by AnaWhitney

Wow I do this too! She has also told me off (politely) for using the words 'normal person' a lot and is always saying there is no right or wrong way to feel. So I often say that I FEEL that I should be able to just be normal. How irritating for her!

Try saying "abnormal" a lot to mix it up. It really gets my two.

[SkyscraperMeow]

I think a lot of us end up in therapy because at some point it was unsafe for us to have feelings and so we shut them down and now, as adults, there are a myriad of issues which arise from not being able to access feelings - which are still there, but tend to express themselves as anxiety, depression, rage, neurosis, addiction, etc...

You're definitely not alone, if that helps at all. If you stick with it, sooner or later you'll probably find a feeling or two

[AnaWhitney]

Thank you everyone for your responses, they have all been a big help! I will definitely stick with it as I think that a lot of my problems are stemming from this. I can't tolerate closeness at all and if I can't repel people who might accuse me of being sad etc. I get very... well cross (I think!) So I have to laugh at the fact that I go and try to talk about feelings and stuff once a week, no wonder it's so hard!!!

[Purpledaze]

Just curious - are you on anti-depressants? They can numb feelings into nothingness. I've recently come off them and am now overwhelmed with all the previously suppressed feelings...

[AnaWhitney]

Originally Posted by Purpledaze

Just curious - are you on anti-depressants? They can numb feelings into nothingness. I've recently come off them and am now overwhelmed with all the previously suppressed feelings...

Hi, no I'm not on any medication at all, but good question!

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

'normal person' - an excellent way to beat yourself up with comparisons to a non-existent standard.

[FranzJosef]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Usually when asked and I answer - the woman tells me what I said is not a feeling. Since it is the only answer I have and seems like a feeling to me, we are often stymied on that. The other one thinks I have them but don't show them.
I smile, I frown, I look concerned - I don't know what more could be called for.

I don't think a person without feelings would indulge her dogs the way you do.

[dismantle.repair]

I often said, "but I don't know how I feel about it.."
And her reply was always, "Come on.. You do know, you're just afraid to articulate it."

It took a long time for me to associate feelings with anything, but it came. (it was a goal)