The most painful conversation

I told T last week that I feel I turn up, talk about this or that ams then leave with the real issues in my head.
Last week I couldn't get to T because of flooding. I emailed T. She replied saying, see how it goes. An hour later it was clear I couldn't get there and emailed her telling her. She replied, OK thank your for letting me know.

Now my head knows that was all the reply that was needed. But my heart hurt. I think I wanted her to offer something else. Though I then thought she didn't suggest emailing instead because she knows I know, that I can do that ams do, do that.

I had a dream that night where I was back in treatment looking for love/comfort /pity? And it wasn't forthcoming so I stood up and said I was leaving. They told me in the dream that the door only went one way. If I left, there was no returning. With that I left and returned to drinking (I've been sober 13yrs).

Today I managed to tell T this. Then forced myself to tell her I felt she was glad I couldn't make it. That though her reply was all it could be, it felt lacking.
T said, you coukd have had a phone session? I looked at her and nodded no! T said ( not in any blaming mode) that she knew that, knows I don't do phone calls with her so that's why she didn't offer.
But she begin to get where I was coming from. She added, but though you can't do phone sessions, you want to know the offer is there? I said yes. This is the wall I talk to you about. There's things I want you to say but I can't ask you to.
T said, I've felt before that if I say these things that I'm being intrusive?
I said have I given you that feeling? T said, yes, but I could be wrong, you're saying you want me to say things?
I nod yes.
Now this type of conversation is so difficult for me, but always feels so rewarding. Especially when T doesn't refuse what I'm asking from her.