[coldnovemberrain]

I had a bad week after last session.
I disclosed something. and fell back into my depression badly !
I was unable to function..i questioned my ability to look after my kids...as days went on...i forced myself to go for a run and be outdoors. if made me feel better and by my next appt. i was alittle better.

since last session was insightful and hard. i was looking forward to something similar this week.

T hardly acknowledged my disclosure from last week. conversation went else where...which was fine. i felt T had more to say than me. was i putting pressure on T to talk? T wasnt giving me enough time to expand on my thoughts. as soon i finished sentence i can see he was ready to say something. so i kept quiet..listened and didnt interrupt. everything was relevant . i just felt our conversation was going on a fast pace. it was lead by T. if he would wait a few seconds for me to collect my thoughts . iwould talk more.
i would hate to be disrespectful by interupting.

then the session ended in 40minutes !!!!! instead of 45. (even though paperwork i signed and everything says it should be 50. but he mentioned in one session..technically its supposed to be 45. okay?) so i left his office and looked at the time on my cell phone...and felt terrible. why did he end early?

i make so much of an effort to go there...30 minutes drive each way!
i look forward to our sessions.

and he ended it early..like i am a pain !

what did i do? was i not engaged? did i bore him? did he not want to see me? did some part of me annoyed him today?

i dont understand.

was it because it was a monday? did he have a bad weekend? was he tired?

he knows i have bouts of depression..yet he never asks or checks in...to see if i am going out to see frends...or going out for my runs...nothing.

i know its my session and i should lead. but thats very difficult for me. he leads...and i follow.

i am feeling so down and disappointed trying to figure this out.
i picked myself up..tried to resume life. but after todays session. i am going down again wondering...what did i do wrong? was it me or him?

scattered post...i know..too many things running around it this little brain of mine.

how much does your T follow up..if u r depressed? if u have spoken to frends? family? are you spending time alone? or it just doenst come up till u mention it yourself?

[Leah123]

I hope you'll just share this post with him, it could sort out so many issues. My therapist doesn't check up on me like that, in terms of asking about activities or monitoring my mood. We discuss whatever comes up during session naturally for the most part, or if I've written something, we discuss that sometimes.

If we're not suicidal, I wouldn't expect them to watch over us in that way, but that the responsibility is more on us to bring up what we want or need to.

And I think you've made a great start at that by writing all this!

I've had conversations that covered a lot of these points with my therapist, and I'm really glad I did. It was a relief to sort through things if not always easy.

[Ellahmae]

I second sharing your post with your T.

If I disclose something big, the next session we don't talk about it again. Talking about some disclosures repeatedly for me could be re-traumatizing and she's careful to stay away from it unless I bring it up again, and even if I bring it up again she judges if it's a good time to do so or not and then will direct the conversation depending on what is best for my mentality at that moment.

It is very hard to discuss some of the things you listed above with your T but I've found it to be very beneficial and strengthening to do so.

[coldnovemberrain]

I dont want to seem like a little bratty kid.

I dont think i would admit how much the sessions mean to me...or i need him at times.
i would not open myself up like that...be so vulnerable..talk about OUR relationship!. hard enuff to talk about my relations to others.

i did give him something once..written..and he discouraged it..saying he prefers that i talk ouch ! i recovered from that injury.

[WrkNPrgress]

My therapist never leads our discussions or brings me to any topic herself. So follow ups only happen if I make them happen.

Sometimes this frustrates me. It feels as if she doesn't even remember what happened last time or think it's important enough to bring up again, but then she'll make comments that reference previous discussions so I know she's listening.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Why don't you print it and then read it to him? If this really matters to you or bothers you, you should address it.

My T does little check-ins with me. She'll ask about an email I wrote her, or how was my week. She doesn't really check-in about my depression or thoughts.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by coldnovemberrain

I dont want to seem like a little bratty kid.

I dont think i would admit how much the sessions mean to me...or i need him at times.
i would not open myself up like that...be so vulnerable..talk about OUR relationship!. hard enuff to talk about my relations to others.

i did give him something once..written..and he discouraged it..saying he prefers that i talk ouch ! i recovered from that injury.

Being honest is NOT bratty. And you don't have to hand it to him, you can read it to him. And vulnerability is the key to healing in my experience- until we show our pains... I don't think they can really be treated. Hugs!

[coldnovemberrain]

oh no..now i am thinking..was it what i said in previous session that just bothered him?

opening up to him as to how much he means to me...how i notice all the little things..the 5 mintues i didnt get to talk/listen to him actually bothers me...feels like i am giving him some kind of a power.
i wouldnt want him to have that satisfaction that if he drops me ..i will be devastated. (not that he has said he would...but who knows)
yeah..i tend to think everyone rejoices at my misery ...so if things turn sour ..i can walk out like it doesnt matter to me. at home it will be a different story.

point being ...by talking about little things like this...it equates it to being something very important to me. i want to be an adult...and not get hung up like this. kids do these kinda things..like he got to play on ipad for 5 extra minutes. or he got blue candy...why did i get red?

edited to add: if i even decided to talk about it next week..is he even gonna remember? 6 days ago..what time he ended the session and how much less time i got to talk.

[Leah123]

Not getting your full session time is not insignificant. It's not like you have $1,000,000 and you're spending all your time upset because you gave $1 away. You have only 45 minutes for the whole week, and he cut you off early.

The trouble is- when we bottle up these concerns, it is really *then* that we're dealing with them immaturely and they get bottled up and cause resentments and stagnation.

When we speak openly, honestly and promptly, we release their power over us and resolve them in a much easier way.

Doing that is some of the good, hard work of personal growth.

For example, maybe try not to insult yourself so much by saying what you care about doesn't matter and that if you do share honestly, you'll sound bratty or weak, etc.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by coldnovemberrain

I had a bad week after last session.
I disclosed something. and fell back into my depression badly !
I was unable to function..i questioned my ability to look after my kids...as days went on...i forced myself to go for a run and be outdoors. if made me feel better and by my next appt. i was alittle better.

since last session was insightful and hard. i was looking forward to something similar this week.

T hardly acknowledged my disclosure from last week. conversation went else where...which was fine. i felt T had more to say than me. was i putting pressure on T to talk? T wasnt giving me enough time to expand on my thoughts. as soon i finished sentence i can see he was ready to say something. so i kept quiet..listened and didnt interrupt. everything was relevant . i just felt our conversation was going on a fast pace. it was lead by T. if he would wait a few seconds for me to collect my thoughts . iwould talk more.
i would hate to be disrespectful by interupting.

then the session ended in 40minutes !!!!! instead of 45. (even though paperwork i signed and everything says it should be 50. but he mentioned in one session..technically its supposed to be 45. okay?) so i left his office and looked at the time on my cell phone...and felt terrible. why did he end early?

i make so much of an effort to go there...30 minutes drive each way!
i look forward to our sessions.

and he ended it early..like i am a pain !

what did i do? was i not engaged? did i bore him? did he not want to see me? did some part of me annoyed him today?

i dont understand.

was it because it was a monday? did he have a bad weekend? was he tired?

he knows i have bouts of depression..yet he never asks or checks in...to see if i am going out to see frends...or going out for my runs...nothing.

i know its my session and i should lead. but thats very difficult for me. he leads...and i follow.

i am feeling so down and disappointed trying to figure this out.
i picked myself up..tried to resume life. but after todays session. i am going down again wondering...what did i do wrong? was it me or him?

scattered post...i know..too many things running around it this little brain of mine.

how much does your T follow up..if u r depressed? if u have spoken to frends? family? are you spending time alone? or it just doenst come up till u mention it yourself?

My T doesnt follow up at all. Usually after a horrible session (like today) I just withdraw and tell myself that I'm going to stop going to therapy but end up going back again. I have to tell her how I feel but oh well.. But usually I try to get back up and distract myself which helps the most.

[JaneTennison1]

I hate that feeling of tying yourself up in knots and hurting all week only to get up the courage to go to session and find the T has moved on elsewhere. I'm not good with being alone with everything for a week and I would love a T to follow up.

[velcro003]

Some T's don't bring up stuff from the previous session because they want their clients to bring up what is most important to them at the moment. My previous T did that, and I didn't go very far in thearpy because I always freaked out and never knew what to talk about/am very good at avoidance.

With my new T, i told her right off the bat that technique didn't work well for me, and she just in general seemed to ask more questions anyway. Just this past week, after she asked me about my week she goes, "Soo...we talked about some hard stuff last week..." and we took it from there. She knows she needs to be a little more directive with me if I ever want to progress in therapy.

When I was really depressed, we spent many weeks with her just monitoring my mood. Asking if I ate/drank (alcohol), how I felt, etc...She doesn't so much anymore, but I am guessing it is because she can tell I am less depressed.

[atisketatasket]

What threw me at first in therapy was the expectation that I would direct the session. I got used to it, but it was upsetting. Now I like it.

So I would say read your post to him. You have two concerns, not following up and time. Both of them are totally worthy of discussion just on their own.

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It might be easier not to bring up anything about the session that was too short and instead to start setting an alarm on your phone for 5 minutes before the session is due to end. I do that, mostly so I'll know not to let the session time run out while I'm in the midst of talking about something emotional. I want to have some time for "cool-down" if I need it.

Some therapists do this themselves, but if they don't, then we have to take on the responsibility (or ask them to.)

As far as why your therapist cut your session short by five minutes, he may have thought that you were at a natural ending point. Sometimes I would be okay with that, but most of the time I want ALL MY MINUTES!

Another possibility is that he was planning to use the 5 minutes to make a phone call, but if he was, that's too bad. You paid for that time, and it's not his to make phone calls in.

When you wrote that your therapist said that he preferred that you talk and not give him things to read, there could be more than one reason for that, but one thing that popped into my head is that if you give your therapist a piece of paper, I think they have to put it in your chart. Some therapists don't want to do that and in fact may have been instructed or read articles that suggest they don't put notes from the client into the chart. Just another example of the American fear of a lawsuit getting in the way.

I agree that it's nicer and easier if the therapist guides the session in a way that you like, but they don't always do that. If they don't, you can either put in the effort to try guiding it yourself and see how that works or start over with a new therapist.

I have said before, if the therapist was talking at length about something that didn't interest me, "I'd really like to discuss X today".

The more depressed I am, the harder it can be to do this sort of thing, but I find that making notes to take with me into the session about what I'd like to discuss is helpful.

[stopdog]

The therapist tried to end an appointment early once - I pointed out that there were 5 minutes left. We sat in almost silence (she shifted around a lot and kept commenting that 5 minutes seemed long - I pointed it out we were both watching her clock - not mine). I would have been fine had she said she needed to go to the bathroom, had some other situation that she needed to attend to, but barring that, I was not going to be dismissed by the woman. At the end of the 5 minutes, I stood up, tossed her money on the table and left. She never mentioned it - I doubt she remembers it.

[mcl6136]

One of my bad former Ts would begin sessions late and make up for it by ending early....��
I informed him that 50 minutes was our agreement. If he could not live up to this I would seek help elsewhere. Compared notes with other clients....its a small town...and learned that he was Testing all clients to learn whether they would act on behalf of their own needs. This was the same guy who unbutooned his shirt down to his navel. I can still see this all in my minds eye....oh yick!

[PinkFlamingo99]

My last one would often not remember anything and it got to the point where I'd be shocked if she did. Not much continuity. The more I think about it, the more I think she had some kind of issues of her own (maybe MI or neuro?)

The new one is like a freaking pitbull. I mentioned I wanted to tell her something that was hard for me and she kept asking me to let her help me for weeks, right down until I pulled out the paper I wrote it on and was afraid to give it to her, she just sat there with her hand out until I gave it.

Originally Posted by mcl6136

One of my bad former Ts would begin sessions late and make up for it by ending early....��
I informed him that 50 minutes was our agreement. If he could not live up to this I would seek help elsewhere. Compared notes with other clients....its a small town...and learned that he was Testing all clients to learn whether they would act on behalf of their own needs. This was the same guy who unbutooned his shirt down to his navel. I can still see this all in my minds eye....oh yick!

Ewww. That is disgusting. YUCK!

Therapy is better when it's client directed. If a T leads, you May not be in a place to access the emotions. Sometimes things I talk about are still there in the room, but it takes a few sessions before I go back to them.
I've wondered why T hasn't picked up on what I was saying, but never wondered why I didn't bring them up.
Perhaps it's the child part that wanted 'mum' to just know. I'm not sure. But being in therapy has shown me I have to b be responsible for me. And really about what I need T's help with rather than being the back seat passenger. It's hard. I'm not sure why really.

[iheartjacques]

He will ask how I've been and what's been happening. Usually if it's been a bad session (or rough for me), next one will be an 'easy' one (light) and then when I'm feeling better, he will bring it up again.

Too much lately!

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[Bayblue]

Learning to accept that my T is not going to direct the therapy has been one of the toughest aspects of the experience for me.

I completely understand your nerves around raising an issue or concern or need so directly with your T, at the same time you've got a lot to gain if you do.

I often have trouble starting the session, and absolutely love it when my T asks questions. Sometimes I find myself fumbling around for the first five minutes in what feels like avoiding the whole thing, then something gives me a way in, or a question and off we go.

sometimes I plan carefully my question or concern that I want to talk about. Other times my thoughts are so disorganised, I don't know what I want to say I just know I want to talk about a general theme. It's all very mysterious.