[Daystrom]

I'm having a tough time in my career lately. My company is going through a rough period and staying there is looking increasingly untenable for me.

In fact, the outlook for my entire industry is not good these days. I'm worried and discouraged to the point that I'm considering changing careers entirely and perhaps even going back to school.

I've been talking about it with my T. About how what I'm facing scares me, about my worries for the prospects of it all. The situation feeds my general sense of inadequacy. That nobody really wants or needs me.

Today she was probing me about how much I'm actually making at my job. She acknowledged that it was a personal question and I didn't have to answer. The truth is that I don't make nearly enough for what I do, and she knows that much.

I didn't give her an annual dollar amount. I can't. When I look at my yearly earnings, I hate myself. I see it as my entire value and worth as a human being, staring back at me in neat little figures. It isn't enough, and I'm not enough.

But I did entertain the question for a minute and it took me to a place that, again, made me hate myself. I hated that I don't make more. I hated that I was talking about this to someone who makes over a hundred bucks an hour. I hated the feeling afterwards that she would surely find me unrelatable and pathetic if she knew the whole truth, just like everyone else.

Everything, everywhere, confirms all of my worst fears. Even therapy confirms it. It isn't safe enough to tell her everything. Nothing can ever be safe enough.

I don't lie, but I'm an evasive, secretive person. I can't be totally honest with people. Not even her.

[divine1966]

Not telling people your income is not evasive. Also no one should judge what you make. Little or a lot. Who dares to judge? I think you could tell t like in general between what figures or something

I don't tell people my income. For different reasons. I make fairly decent amount of money but I have so much debt and no savings and spending problems so I live no where near how I could live. Me and my BF were just talking about same topic. If we tell people what we make they'd be like wow you guys should not complain. Yet there are other factors that effect our living that others might not understand. You can't judge by just income. Some people way less than me yet live much better as they manage money better or don't spend as much

I told my t I am in debt and struggling but she doesn't need to know how much in debt. Not her business really

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[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Daystrom

I hated the feeling afterwards that she would surely find me unrelatable and pathetic if she knew the whole truth, just like everyone else.

I can't be totally honest with people. Not even her.

Perhaps you should talk to her about this....

[Daisymay]

How much anyone earns is never a measure of their 'worth' as a person. Different things, views etc can lead people to think this though. A 'good' job with 'good' salary/pay is supposed to be something to aspire to, right? It isn't everything though. Throughout history there have been those who have earned next to nothing but have made the greatest contributions to society and the well-being of others - especially the well-being of some in real need and hardship.

I agree with Soccer mom, this is something to look at with your T ie where your view of yourself stems from, how you can begin to really value yourself based on who you are, not on what someone somewhere has decided you should be paid.

When one area of work doesn't work out it can often be a great opportunity to re-asses what you want, what you'd really like to do - and if you've got the opportunity to retrain then that could be amazing.

Take care.