[LazarusLong]

I have read the various debates about hugs or not and decided that hugs would not hurt me. I like them from my wife (rare) and my daughters (and love them from my grandchildren). I am very depressed, isolated and lonely. I am okay with asking T straight up for a hug at end of session but am afraid she will say no. All I can hope is that she has a gentle way of saying no.

How have others handled this?
Lazarus

[Leah123]

I've asked. My current therapist said yes, no problem, as long as I asked when I wanted one. My prior therapist said no, it was against her policy. Good luck asking! Hopefully her therapeutic philosophy allows for hugs.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I asked my current T for a hug and she said its fine as long as I ask for them. After awhile I asked her if we could naturally hug at the end of sessions. Now when we stand up she opens her arms for a hug. I love that. It would be a deal breaker for me if a T wont hug.

[AllHeart]

Happy to hear you have decided hugs will not hurt you. Sorry to hear you are trapped in depression, isolation, and loneliness. I hope it doesn't last too long for you.

I am female as is my T, and we hug all the time. Thankfully the hugs started at T's suggestion and I never had to ask (I never would have had the courage to ask either). However, T did mention at one point that she refuses to hug a male client due to the increased possibility of the male client developing sexual feelings for her. And of course some T's do not allow hugs or touch to any client period. So should your T say no, it's just her boundary -- it's not you. Do not take it to heart. You won't know until you ask, and I commend you having the courage to do so. I'm rooting for you!

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

However, T did mention at one point that she refuses to hug a male client due to the increased possibility of the male client developing sexual feelings for her.

Odd that she's discounting how erotic transference occurs with both genders and I wonder whether she also refuses to hug lesbian and bisexual clients in that case. I second that if a T says no, even though it can be very hard not to take it personally, it typically isn't personal at all!

Hopefully your therapist will be open to hugs- they are nurturing among all genders and if arousal occurs it's nothing to freak out about- just another feeling that will pass like all the others and can be worked through if necessary.

[BonnieJean]

I said something like 'do you allow hugs?' it felt safer than me personally asking her for one in case she said no. She said she did and I asked for one. I hope this helps.

[TheWell]

My group T will give me a hug. It took me five years to get brave enough to ask my individual T for a hug. I was so afraid of rejection. So I decided to ask him not to answer the question I was about to ask until we talked about it. I knew if I could talk about it thouroughly first that it wouldn't feel like personal rejection. He doesn't hug and I'm glad we talked about it first before he said that.

[musinglizzy]

My T hugs me at the end of every session, unless I don't want one. We're both straight females. I would really feel rejected if I asked and was told no, but I mentioned it pretty early on, and told her that I would not see a T who won't hug. Just my choice. The hug helps me feel "close" to T in a way....not dependent, and definitely nothing sexual, but it helps me feel like she gives a bit of herself because she cares. If she took hugs away, I'm sure I'd walk. Because then I'd feel dirty and untouchable. I struggle with connection with her, but the hug helps. Helps me to see that she does care enough. She says she doesn't hug all of her clients. But I'm sure there are plenty who don't want that. I recently started to try reiki, and my reiki T gave me a hug after the first session also.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I guess you would like some physical manifestation of support and caring - cannot see any reason why not, but depends on your T. I guess that you would want a man hug form a male T so it is the same thing really, after all you are both grown ups and unlikely to get signals crossed.