[ThingWithFeathers]

I was speaking to my t about how I limit the number of emails I send her and she was quite amused that I had this arbitrary figure. She said she couldn't respond to 20 emails a day, but that there is no quota for between session email contact and that I shouldn't worry about it.

What email arrangements do you have with your t? Who sets the quota for between session emails - you or t?

[Leah123]

Our arrangement is that I can write as much as I'd like in as many messages as I'd like. I pay a flat fee for messages as we write extensively. We typically don't write on weekends, but there are exceptions. As for who sets the quota... we don't have one. She's just mentioned not to expect a weekend reply or very early in the day on days when we have sessions. Otherwise, she responds to everything I write, in detail.

[AllHeart]

T and I email each other often whether it's therapy related or not. No quota here. We both just have an unwritten rule about not over doing it.

[peaches100]

Email limits have been a source of conflict between my t and I. For the first few years of our work together, she accepted numerous detailed emails and responded to them in detail and in good time. Later, she began replying in a less timely way and briefer. After that, she usually just said something like "I got your message and we can discuss this more in your session." Occasionally, she did not respond. We had pretty big ruptures over this. We finally made an agreement where I could email as long as I didn't go into too much detail or send multiple messages, and if I wanted a reply, I should say so. Since then, I have drastically cut back my email to her unless I'm having some kind of major problem. It still hurts that she allowed so much contact earlier and then wanted to change the rules. But oh well. I try not to email because it feels to me like she doesn't really want me to at all, if it was her choice, and I hate feeling like I'm being demanding.

[stopdog]

There is no contact quota that I know of.

[doyoutrustme]

Email is discouraged in my therapy. He is only concerned with what happens in the room during therapy.

That being said, I still email, he still reads them. He rarely replies. Every now and then I harangue him about how he needs to get out from under his rock and embrace technology.

[eeyorestail]

I've never had a therapist that gave me their email.

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[Parva]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

T and I email each other often whether it's therapy related or not. No quota here. We both just have an unwritten rule about not over doing it.

My experience is very much like AllHeart's. If we need to communicate, we do it. Sometimes it's really a lot of emailing and sometimes texting, and a lot of phone calls. It depends on where I'm at with things. I started out never ever emailing or calling on the phone, even though my T encouraged me to do it. I still try and be conscious of what I'm asking in terms of her time and energy, as I think she is with me. If she's telling you it's fine, then it's probably fine.

[JustShakey]

I can email when I want. He'll reply if he has time. He runs his own practice so he's busy. It's hard at times, knowing I'm pretty far down on the priorities list, but that's life in the real world.

There is no limit on how much I email T. There is no extra charge. He always responds. I guess I'm a lucky gal.

[junkDNA]

there isnt a limit on how many emails i can send. but i average 1-2 a week

[NowhereUSA]

No limit but I also don't expect a response. He occasionally responds but only rarely. I'm fine with that. Email is primarily a means for me to explain thoughts I had difficulty expressing in session and to prep for next session. These days I maybe send one a week if that. When my depression was bad, it was sometimes twice a day.

[velcro003]

I'm not sure what the limit is, though my therapist said not to worry about calling or e-mailing because she is a "contacty" therapist. Still, I try not to abuse that. She knows I process things over time, so usually will email her a day or so after our session. I am always nervous I am going to run into a boundary, so I try not to do it very often. I went about 3 weeks w no emails (have only called once), but now we are in difficult stuff in therapy, so it has been back to once a week or so. I like it and hate it because I hate the nervous waiting around to see if she'll reply or not. She has only not replied once, and immediately said at the next session that she forgot and apologized.

I like that she doesn't mind out of session contact, but I prefer not to rely on it because then I would feel too needy.

I had a long-standing problem distracting myself from work and other activities that should be prioritized by emailing with people. I discussed this with my T a few times but still tried it with him as well between sessions out of habit I guess... When it became very clear that it presents a problem for me, he suggested that we don't communicate via email and I was more than happy to agree as finally someone tried to help me change a behavior of mine that got in the way of many things. It was a bit uncomfortable at first to resist the urges but no problem at all now. We still email about practical and business-like things because it's convenient, but that is it. Generally, I have an aim to not communicate between sessions about my thoughts, feelings, and stuff that belongs to my therapy in order to work on being more focused and productive so our agreement is in line with that goal. I have enough "conversations" with him already in my head

[LonesomeTonight]

Neither my T nor marriage counselor has officially set a limit, though both only occasionally respond. And then it's usually just a few lines. I probably e-mail T an average of twice a week now--often right after a session to share thoughts I had on the ride home or else after a session with MC to report what happened so I don't spend half the next session with T recounting it. She's told me it's fine to e-mail and to not worry about bothering her. And that she reads them but usually won't respond and we can discuss in session. I never even e-mailed her for the first 2 or 3 years I saw her, but in the past year, there's been a lot going on, and it helps me to type out my thoughts.

With MC, it's probably once every couple weeks (though the week my T was on vacation recently, I e-mailed him like 3 times). He's said he's fine with me e-mailing him, even though it's a marriage counseling situation, and he still keeps the e-mails confidential (like doesn't insist I share them with my husband or anything). He usually only responds if I ask him to confirm he got it (like if it's something especially important to me), and then it's a few lines, usually something encouraging, like saying I did a good job handling a tough week.

[Shaly78]

2011 takes me back to my first therapist after the invitation to group there was things at home that started to get really feisty again. I needed support right then and she right after intake she told me 'I do answer emails you see that right'. I guess that might have invited me thinking it was okay. I was still in an abusive relationship, so I needed support at the time in between group session. The second year things improved and I checked in via email with her life a confidante and encourager. The second half of that year during the summer break of groups each member is assigned a buddy , so she became that person for me also. There was never any can you stop emailing me. Now, I started to pick on something was wrong when in group therapy her BFF keep stating this is my BFF. I mean each week this is my BFF, then another lady stated it also. A light bulb clicked on and then I thought maybe I should stop these emails. My email story

Have your therapist decide. I would do emails for a while but after that I would send you on a place like this for extra support between sessions.

[Soccer mom]

T1 didn't email. Potential T2 doesn't have a limit but I also don't envision me emailing her often. I have this week due to the termination and making sure she knows all of my issues and can help me. If I go with her, I anticipate the emails leveling off.

She has told me that I can email, text or call because she wouldn't want me upset during the week over something that could be clarified or reassured. Quite different from T1!

[CameraObscura]

No limit to how many I can send, though I'm really mindful of not sending too much. He welcomes them, and always at least briefly answers, usually within an hour or two unless it's late at night or he's on vacation.

[ruh roh]

There is no quota that I'm aware of, but I'm sure there's a limit to it. I try to keep the frequency down, out of respect for my therapist's time, but some weeks are harder than others. She usually responds. Not long ago, she even said I could stop by for a half hour for an in person response to an email, which I still cannot get over. If it ever got to the point where it was causing miscommunication and/or problems between us, I'm sure it would stop.

[LostOne369]

I don't get to email my T. Just voice mails, and I can write/drop it off at her office.

[atisketatasket]

I've never emailed No. 2, and rarely No. 1, never for topics we discussed in therapy but administrative stuff. So I have no idea what the limits would be.

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[Mike_J]

Well she doesn't give out her email address so I guess she effectively set the quota at zero.

I'm OK with it though, not being able to email her means I never have to obsess over to email her or not

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I can send as many emails as I want but My T will not answer in depth or in a timely manor. She used to and now she is saying that therapy is for sessions and can't be done in emails. I agree but I miss our old emails. I haven't emailed her in almost two weeks and it feels good not to worry about emails but I do miss her.

[Bill3]

I have no email contact with T other than for administrative matters.

[musinglizzy]

My T has no limits on Emails. She encourages it. I don't email her as often as she'd like, but I'm not doing it to please her anymore, just for me. My T used to respond to each of my Emails. Since spring, she actually has reduced that. She knows it bothers me. She will ask me sometimes why I didn't/don't Email her, and I'll say I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, that it's hard when I send her something meaningful or upsetting, and she doesn't reply to it, even just to confirm she got/read it. I find it hurtful. So she can keep encouraging Emails all she wants.... but like I said, I want to avoid disappointment. So I don't Email near as often as I used to, despite her pleading.