[rainbow8]

I had my session yesterday. The first thing I noticed in the office was that the collage I made for her is on the wall to the right of the couch, in a very conspicuous place. She said she moved it because she just got her SE certificate and wanted all her certificates together. She could have taken down my collage. It's been on her wall for about 5 years! But she put it where clients will comment on it instead!

Once I asked if others might be jealous, and why she has all my artwork in her office, and she said that none of her other clients is artistic. I know she does it so I feel valued, but still.....

She came to my H's funeral and to my house. I guess that's not too unusual.

She and I email back and forth now, if I start it. She sent me an article on grief.

She signs her emails "love" all the time now.

I didn't even think of holding her hand yesterday. I didn't need to. I asked her why she's being so nice to me. She smiled and said she's a nice person. I asked if she's crossing boundaries and she said " no". I think she is genuine. I honestly don't think she would abandon me like some people's Ts do. We have a real and close relationship. Hugs feel natural. Being with her feels natural. Maybe I'm just lucky. I don't know. I don't know if my T is unusual or not.

[stopdog]

The one I see has gone to people's houses, gone to court to be there for a client during a difficult divorce/custody battle (not as a witness-just for support), has exchanges by email with clients and so on. I have no idea about touch because I made it so clear I wanted none. I have no idea if she has things people make for her in the office-I don't recall what it looks like and rarely do I look at stuff she has around.
I think it happens with therapists.

[atisketatasket]

If there is anything I have learned from this site, it's that the range of therapists and how they behave is so wide and flung so far that there is no such thing as "unusual." (Unless your therapist insists on doing therapy while, I don't know, hang-gliding. Now that's unusual. )

But it does sound like you have a very supportive therapist, at a time when you need one. I'm happy for you.

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I had my session yesterday. The first thing I noticed in the office was that the collage I made for her is on the wall to the right of the couch, in a very conspicuous place. She said she moved it because she just got her SE certificate and wanted all her certificates together. She could have taken down my collage. It's been on her wall for about 5 years! But she put it where clients will comment on it instead!

Once I asked if others might be jealous, and why she has all my artwork in her office, and she said that none of her other clients is artistic. I know she does it so I feel valued, but still.....

She came to my H's funeral and to my house. I guess that's not too unusual.

She and I email back and forth now, if I start it. She sent me an article on grief.

She signs her emails "love" all the time now.

I didn't even think of holding her hand yesterday. I didn't need to. I asked her why she's being so nice to me. She smiled and said she's a nice person. I asked if she's crossing boundaries and she said " no". I think she is genuine. I honestly don't think she would abandon me like some people's Ts do. We have a real and close relationship. Hugs feel natural. Being with her feels natural. Maybe I'm just lucky. I don't know. I don't know if my T is unusual or not.

That is how my T and I are. Exactly. My stuff she puts where she can see it from her chair. Everything feels so real and natural. Normal even. I don't find it unusual. T has driven me home when I couldn't function after a session. She checks on me by text and a couple times by phone. She's very genuine.

[Gavinandnikki]

You have a caring , authentic, good therapist. Priceless.

Hope you're doing ok sweetie. I know it's hard. And what I am finding out about grief. It comes in waves. One minute, I'm cool. 2 minutes later, shaking and sobbing.

I figure, it is it what it is. Just trying to accept whatever feelings go in, through and out.

Rinse and repeat lol.

Hugs

[Rive.]

Maybe 'unusual' in the sense of 'decent human being' not 'weird'. Seems like a truly genuine caring relationship. Which is extremely rare. You are lucky to have such a caring individual in your life

Hope you are doing okay..

[SallyBrown]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

If there is anything I have learned from this site, it's that the range of therapists and how they behave is so wide and flung so far that there is no such thing as "unusual." (Unless your therapist insists on doing therapy while, I don't know, hang-gliding. Now that's unusual. )

Totally agree with this -- it's hard to say what's "unusual" for a T because the range of practices is so broad. I wonder, why do you want to know if it's unusual?

I will say that what it is is a wonderful, supportive bond that seems to be exactly what you need. In any given person's lifetime, that sort of thing can be quite unusual. That's how love is, in my experience. It's always unique and unusual and special to the two people involved, and wouldn't be the same if either of the two people were another person. What's important is that it's there. I'm so glad you have it, at any time but especially now.

[Soccer mom]

I've had an interesting experience around boundaries lately which relates to your post.

My first T. had fairly strict boundaries. Due to the transference, texts could only be about scheduling. I could text her other things but was not to get upset if she didn't respond (yeah, right). She doesn't email clients at all. Towards the end of my therapy with her, I would get triggered by something and think I wish I had more support. I didn't realize that I actually wanted it from her, not friends who were already supporting me.

I then found who I think will be T2. She is the complete opposite which has actually made me nervous. Session length is up to me. She lives 30 miles away in the country so she feels bad telling people they have to leave in an hour. She accepts and responds to texts, emails and calls in between sessions. Ironically I might not need them if they are available. She explained that she doesn't want people to suffer in between sessions if she can make them feel better. ExT used to tell me I did my best work when I was suffering. Gee, Thanks. New T is FB friends with her clients. When I asked why she said because then she can see what's going on in their lives.

I agree with atisketatasket. There's a wide range on PC and I'm not sure any are right are wrong. I think it depends on the T. and the client. I never felt comfortable contacting my T. between sessions because her lack of response along with not seeming bothered that I'm suffering made me feel like she didn't want me to contact her.

Also, new T. sent me a message saying she enjoyed meeting me, etc. I actually felt strange by it and then realized it's my huge problem of accepting care from others, especially older women. Yet, with ex T. I sought it out because I couldn't/wasn't getting it.

So, enjoy what you have. It's up to your T. to set the boundaries. My ex T. once told me she would question a T. who had boundaries like new T. She didn't know I was considering them. When I told ex T. about new T. (her name and all), she said she had heard good things about her and people are really happy with her. Ex T never knew that she was the person she told me to question. New T. said I can make the boundaries more strict if I need them to be. She's willing to work with me and that seems to be what yours does too.

[AllHeart]

Your T sounds amazing, and you are very fortunate! I feel I am also very fortunate with my T. We have formed a very special relationship. My T has broken pretty much all of her therapy boundaries with me, but she said she has done so because her heart makes the rules and that our hearts (hers and mine) have an undeniable connection. Long siiiggghhh!

[LostOne369]

My T doesn't allow for outside contact other than me leaving voice mails or dropping off writing at her office, but once I brought in some photographs I took (I'm a hobby photographer) and she liked them so much and was surprised, I let her keep them. She put two in frames and they are on a bookshelf in her office. That made me so happy

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I had my session yesterday. The first thing I noticed in the office was that the collage I made for her is on the wall to the right of the couch, in a very conspicuous place. She said she moved it because she just got her SE certificate and wanted all her certificates together. She could have taken down my collage. It's been on her wall for about 5 years! But she put it where clients will comment on it instead!

Once I asked if others might be jealous, and why she has all my artwork in her office, and she said that none of her other clients is artistic. I know she does it so I feel valued, but still.....

She came to my H's funeral and to my house. I guess that's not too unusual.

She and I email back and forth now, if I start it. She sent me an article on grief.

She signs her emails "love" all the time now.

I didn't even think of holding her hand yesterday. I didn't need to. I asked her why she's being so nice to me. She smiled and said she's a nice person. I asked if she's crossing boundaries and she said " no". I think she is genuine. I honestly don't think she would abandon me like some people's Ts do. We have a real and close relationship. Hugs feel natural. Being with her feels natural. Maybe I'm just lucky. I don't know. I don't know if my T is unusual or not.

I think she is unusual for what we read here. Unusual in a really good way. And no, I don't think you should worry that she will abandon you. She sounds stable and in it for the long haul. From everything you've shared since I've been visiting here (a couple years), she genuinely understands and accepts you. Good job finding/keeping one that's perfect for you.

[Petra5ed]

She doesn't sound unusual based on my experience . Of course, mine hasn't come to my house, but I never had your circumstance. There was a time when he checked in on me here and there when I was in a difficult place. I also, for the most part, don't worry that he will abandon me.

I hope youre doing ok! Hang in there. Grief is so tough.

[junkDNA]

i don't think your T is being unusual. i think she is trying to be supportive during a hard time in your life

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I think you have a really good T that really cares about you and wants to be there. I read so much on here about bad T's that yours seems unusually good. Cherish her.

[divine1966]

Your t sounds nice. It's hard to tell what's unusual. Just sounds supportive

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ThingWithFeathers]

I think it's a beautiful gesture to go to your home and to your Hs funeral. I don't think my t would be allowed to come to my home, I think the organisation would have rules around that. I believe it is not common. Not all ts would do that. You are facing a very challenging time and, whether it's usual or not, your t is supporting you in a very thoughtful way.

I think therapists and and their therapeutic approaches are just as varied and individual as human beings are. Most of them are guided by their chosen theoretical framework but adjust it to fit both their own personalities and the actual client on the go. Maybe your T behaves the way she does with you because she figured it's an effective way of working with you, but has different boundaries and strategies with others. Maybe similar with most clients. It does not really matter I think as long as you feel the process is constructive, helpful, and tackles your needs and goals.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The one I see has gone to people's houses, gone to court to be there for a client during a difficult divorce/custody battle (not as a witness-just for support), has exchanges by email with clients and so on. I have no idea about touch because I made it so clear I wanted none. I have no idea if she has things people make for her in the office-I don't recall what it looks like and rarely do I look at stuff she has around.
I think it happens with therapists.

Thanks, stopdog. Does your T tell you she does these things? Just curious.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

If there is anything I have learned from this site, it's that the range of therapists and how they behave is so wide and flung so far that there is no such thing as "unusual." (Unless your therapist insists on doing therapy while, I don't know, hang-gliding. Now that's unusual. )

But it does sound like you have a very supportive therapist, at a time when you need one. I'm happy for you.

Thanks! We did take walk once, but not quite hang-gliding. D

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

That is how my T and I are. Exactly. My stuff she puts where she can see it from her chair. Everything feels so real and natural. Normal even. I don't find it unusual. T has driven me home when I couldn't function after a session. She checks on me by text and a couple times by phone. She's very genuine.

I'm glad you have such a nice T too!

Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki

You have a caring , authentic, good therapist. Priceless.

Hope you're doing ok sweetie. I know it's hard. And what I am finding out about grief. It comes in waves. One minute, I'm cool. 2 minutes later, shaking and sobbing.

I figure, it is it what it is. Just trying to accept whatever feelings go in, through and out.

Rinse and repeat lol.

Hugs

Thanks, Pam. I sometimes think my T is TOO nice, and will she suddenly change, but I don't think so. I cry off and on. I don't like being alone at night. I keep a lot of lights on in the house. Seeing all my H's stuff makes me cry.

Originally Posted by Rive.

Maybe 'unusual' in the sense of 'decent human being' not 'weird'. Seems like a truly genuine caring relationship. Which is extremely rare. You are lucky to have such a caring individual in your life

Hope you are doing okay..

You're right, Rive. I'm lucky to have my T. I'm doing okay some of the time.

Originally Posted by SallyBrown

Totally agree with this -- it's hard to say what's "unusual" for a T because the range of practices is so broad. I wonder, why do you want to know if it's unusual?

I will say that what it is is a wonderful, supportive bond that seems to be exactly what you need. In any given person's lifetime, that sort of thing can be quite unusual. That's how love is, in my experience. It's always unique and unusual and special to the two people involved, and wouldn't be the same if either of the two people were another person. What's important is that it's there. I'm so glad you have it, at any time but especially now.

Sally, unusual because she's so different from my other Ts. My former T wouldn't hug me or let me email because I'm (borderline). She was very rigid, then after 6 years when quit said she was sorry she couldn't solve my attachment problem! Yes, my T loves me in just the way I need, and I love her too. I've never had a relationship like this before, not with my Mom, my H, or friends. It's wonderful, so I thought maybe my T is unusual.

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I've had an interesting experience around boundaries lately which relates to your post.

My first T. had fairly strict boundaries. Due to the transference, texts could only be about scheduling. I could text her other things but was not to get upset if she didn't respond (yeah, right). She doesn't email clients at all. Towards the end of my therapy with her, I would get triggered by something and think I wish I had more support. I didn't realize that I actually wanted it from her, not friends who were already supporting me.

I then found who I think will be T2. She is the complete opposite which has actually made me nervous. Session length is up to me. She lives 30 miles away in the country so she feels bad telling people they have to leave in an hour. She accepts and responds to texts, emails and calls in between sessions. Ironically I might not need them if they are available. She explained that she doesn't want people to suffer in between sessions if she can make them feel better. ExT used to tell me I did my best work when I was suffering. Gee, Thanks. New T is FB friends with her clients. When I asked why she said because then she can see what's going on in their lives.

I agree with atisketatasket. There's a wide range on PC and I'm not sure any are right are wrong. I think it depends on the T. and the client. I never felt comfortable contacting my T. between sessions because her lack of response along with not seeming bothered that I'm suffering made me feel like she didn't want me to contact her.

Also, new T. sent me a message saying she enjoyed meeting me, etc. I actually felt strange by it and then realized it's my huge problem of accepting care from others, especially older women. Yet, with ex T. I sought it out because I couldn't/wasn't getting it.

So, enjoy what you have. It's up to your T. to set the boundaries. My ex T. once told me she would question a T. who had boundaries like new T. She didn't know I was considering them. When I told ex T. about new T. (her name and all), she said she had heard good things about her and people are really happy with her. Ex T never knew that she was the person she told me to question. New T. said I can make the boundaries more strict if I need them to be. She's willing to work with me and that seems to be what yours does too.

I found that my Ts looser boundaries have helped me because I don't crave so much from her since she gives it to me already. I hope you find that it works like that with your new T.

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Your T sounds amazing, and you are very fortunate! I feel I am also very fortunate with my T. We have formed a very special relationship. My T has broken pretty much all of her therapy boundaries with me, but she said she has done so because her heart makes the rules and that our hearts (hers and mine) have an undeniable connection. Long siiiggghhh!

I love what your T told you! I feel the same way about my T though she wouldn't use those words. I know she feels a deep connection with me. It's not one-sided, and that makes the difference. I'm glad there are other ZTs like mine.

Originally Posted by LostOne369

My T doesn't allow for outside contact other than me leaving voice mails or dropping off writing at her office, but once I brought in some photographs I took (I'm a hobby photographer) and she liked them so much and was surprised, I let her keep them. She put two in frames and they are on a bookshelf in her office. That made me so happy

Aw, that's nice that your T framed your photos. That's how my T is. Genuine and natural.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have an unusually wonderful T and I'm glad you found her.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Thanks, stopdog. Does your T tell you she does these things? Just curious.

.

She has told me some of the examples and I know another client who used her services and for whom she did such things.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I think she is unusual for what we read here. Unusual in a really good way. And no, I don't think you should worry that she will abandon you. She sounds stable and in it for the long haul. From everything you've shared since I've been visiting here (a couple years), she genuinely understands and accepts you. Good job finding/keeping one that's perfect for you.

I'm very fortunate to have found my T. I had 4 others who were okay but not quite what I need right now.

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

She doesn't sound unusual based on my experience . Of course, mine hasn't come to my house, but I never had your circumstance. There was a time when he checked in on me here and there when I was in a difficult place. I also, for the most part, don't worry that he will abandon me.

I hope youre doing ok! Hang in there. Grief is so tough.

Thanks. Yes, grief is tough.

Originally Posted by junkDNA

i don't think your T is being unusual. i think she is trying to be supportive during a hard time in your life

It just doesn't seem like what I read on here, especially holding my hand.

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I think you have a really good T that really cares about you and wants to be there. I read so much on here about bad T's that yours seems unusually good. Cherish her.

Yes, I DO cherish my T.

Originally Posted by divine1966

Your t sounds nice. It's hard to tell what's unusual. Just sounds supportive
Yes, nice and supportive. She's super nice and supportive!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

I think it's a beautiful gesture to go to your home and to your Hs funeral. I don't think my t would be allowed to come to my home, I think the organisation would have rules around that. I believe it is not common. Not all ts would do that. You are facing a very challenging time and, whether it's usual or not, your t is supporting you in a very thoughtful way.

Thank you. I agree!

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I think therapists and and their therapeutic approaches are just as varied and individual as human beings are. Most of them are guided by their chosen theoretical framework but adjust it to fit both their own personalities and the actual client on the go. Maybe your T behaves the way she does with you because she figured it's an effective way of working with you, but has different boundaries and strategies with others. Maybe similar with most clients. It does not really matter I think as long as you feel the process is constructive, helpful, and tackles your needs and goals.

Right from the start I knew my T was a little different because she did IFS and also wanted me to breathe with her. She said she allowed hugs too.

Originally Posted by Sizzling

I'm very sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have an unusually wonderful T and I'm glad you found her.

Thanks. I'm glad I found myT too!!!

[CrazyLo]

I need to disagree with everyone here. My former T was similar to your T and once we had to terminate therapy, I was in grief because I loved/still love her. It was a year and half ago and I am still grieving.

Boundaries in therapy are in place to protect the patient, especially. Your T can love you, my former T did...but they are not supposed to tell you so. There are definitely varying degrees of boundaries unique to each therapist, but I do think she is crossing too many boundaries with you. Not so unusual for her to come to the funeral or hang up your art work. My current T has my art work hanging up, too. But she also has very healthy boundaries with me. The main focus is on me, not her. Her feelings about me are irrelevant. My ex-T, I was all encompassed with her life problems, loved her, hugged her all the time, she would get close to me and brush my hair with her hand or pat my head, she cried in front of me while we were out to lunch because she was sad about a personal issue of hers....it was just plain unhealthy and I didn't fully realize it until I started seeing a new therapist.

I very much appreciate my current T's boundaries and the way she respects my boundaries. It makes me feel safe because I know she cannot hurt me the way former T did. It would be hard to stop seeing current T but I would move on. I still haven't moved on from former T.