emotional intimacy co-existing with sexual intimacy

Not sure this belongs here, but it's something I'm talking about in therapy, so thought it might fit in here...

I am perfectly fine with emotional intimacy. Yet I can't seem to make room for both emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy. Still trying to unravel the knots on this issue....but thought I'd get your thoughts on this in the meantime. Anyone else struggle with this?

Me thinks it's cuz ex-husb withheld physical affection. It was either sexual contact or none at all. All contact was sexualized. There was no physical contact for the sake of a hug or a cuddle, just for the sake of physical contact.

I've never had the experience of an emotionally intimate relationship coupled with physical affection. Me wonders whether that is the reason or one of the reasons me is having a hard time reconciling the two. It's like I can allow for emotional intimacy. I can allow for sexual intimacy (me thinks so anyway). But me cannot allow for both of them from the same person. (Have never engaged in sexual contact with anyone but ex-husb)

My married friends have good sex lives. They don't get my dilemma. I won't be seeing t for a while. Anyone here have any thoughts on the matter?

Me does think also that a small little incident (see my post in 'survivors of abuse' forum...warning: may be triggering)
may be a piece of this puzzle.

Me wonders. Me is trying to make sense out of my un-desire to be with a man, when all my friends have a natural attraction to be with one.

Well, I used to say I have no desire to partner with a man, but am realizing that the desire is suppressed due to fear of sexual intimacy.

Withit, I don't know if I can help you here. I've never been one for hugging with husband. Oh he would be more than willing, he really is a great guy, he has the typical man traits too where sometimes you know a hug isn't just about having a hug LOL, but I feel my own emotional and intimate distancing so much now, where as before I thought somewhere in the back of my mind that it was because I maybe didn't really love my Husband, or if it was someone else, some perfect husband, someone I'd yet to meet,then it would be like the movies from Hollywood portray, the fallilng into each others arms and the perfect hugging and crassing and saying the just right things to each other, when its crap, yet again another brain washing effect of the world we live in.

Since entering therapy and me unwinding myself I feel more emotionally intimate inside, my wanting to have a more mature emotional and intimate relationship is starting to grow, but its not something that grows like a 3rd arm that you make use of every minute of the day.

Its more in passing moments, and its nothing I would feel the need to gloat about to friends about how I want this perfect emotional and intimate relationship, because I use to hide behind the "talk" of it when it was missing from within me.

I can't plan it, all I do is try and step up to the moment. Sometimes it feels just right, others it feels messy, its like life, you cant bottle it, it just happens teh way it does, and I feel the way I do.


Sometimes me and hubby are on the right page, others we not, and thats find, relationships are like rubber bands, they stretch they ping then they fall back to size.
Have I made sense?

"I'm just an imperfect humanbeing"