[AnxiousGirl]

Hey guys. I've been going to therapy for a year and I wasn't the one who wanted it. My parents sat me down one night and told me I have to see someone because my anxiety was getting intense. I was upset with them but gave it a shot. Up until now I'm having trouble talking openly with my therapist because I dont like talking about feelings in general. My trust with T has grown immensely though which is great. However, I try to keep it a secret. The only people who know I go to therapy are my 2 very close cousins and 2 very close friends. Lately though I've been feeling ashamed for going. Sometimes on TV I would watch shows and someone would act crazy or out of line then turn and go " maybe I need therapy" in a comedic way. I know people say you're strong for going but why dont I feel that? I have a tendency to always do things on my own so even when my T says try medication I always say no because I want to achieve it without the help of that ( not that theres anything wrong, I just have a perfectionist view on everything ). Any advice?

[ejayy78]

I would consider myself a perfectionist, too, and for the first two years of seeing my T, no one knew because I was embarrassed. I thought it would make me look "weird," since who I am outside of my therapist's office is so different than who I am when I see her. People in my real life don't know the parts of me that I bring up in therapy, and I want to keep it that way at least for now. However, now that people do know that I see my T, I've found support and care that I never expected. It's nice, and I certainly don't feel weird about it, like I assumed I would. I try to manage everything on my own, too, and I've been learning in the past few months that doing everything in my own strength isn't always possible. More times than not, I need someone to come alongside me and carry whatever I'm going through with me. I know our situations are different, but I guess I just wanted to encourage you to not be embarrassed about being in therapy. You're on the road to bettering yourself, and that's not something to hide from, it's something to embrace. I'm not saying tell the world, but just know that you're doing the best thing for you. I don't know that I would call this advice, but I knew I had to reply to your post since I've felt they way your are feeling before.

[Chummy]

I also started therapy because my parents made me. I was a few years younger than you are now. Only when I was 21 years old, I went to therapy because I wanted it. I did do my best in those previous therapies, but unfortunately all those previous T's didn't know how to handle social anxiety.
I'm also embarressed that I'm in therapy. I don't tell people. I think a few family members know about it, but that's because my parents talk to them about me. I don't talk to people about my therapy. I'm even a bit embarressed about it to my parents. When I leave the house to go to see my pdoc, I don't say ''I'm going to the psychiatrist''. I say ''I'm going to *city* to see thingy''. And when don't get it, I wisper 'to the psychiatrist''. And when I go to therapy, I say I'm going to *T's name*.
It just still feels to me that I'm a failure for needing therapy. But I don't think other people who have therapy are a failure, I only think that about me.
First I also didn't really want medication. I thought I should be able to do it without. Now I don't care anymore, because I feel so bad, I'll try almost anything to feel better.

I don't have any advice for you. Maybe to talk to your T about this? I've talked to my T about these things, but I can't seem to accept I'm not a failure for needing therapy.

[atisketatasket]

Can you think of it as, is it helping me? Am I less anxious than when I started? Or do I see a point in the future when I might be able to become less anxious? If yes to any of the above, why pay attention to the embarrassment? You found something that helps you. If wearing a pink tutu to school every day helped you, you'd do that, however embarrassed you might feel, or at least you would see why you should do it.

I don't tell people, but that's because it's not their business, not because of embarrassment. I also don't think it's a sign of strength just to go to therapy (my therapists would disagree), but I think it is a sign of strength to ensure you get something out of it.

[spring2014]

oh my anxious girl,
I been seeing my therapist for a year now. im not embarrassed about going to therapy at all . I feel happy with my therapist . she was the one that suggested to me that I should go back on the meds . I told her no I didn't want to go back on the meds cuz it didn't work in the past. she told me if I didn't go back on the meds I would lose her as my therapist .I went back on the meds and im still seeing her today. I would highly recommend that you take the meds . it may or may not help you .







Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

[AnaWhitney]

I am embarrassed that I go to therapy. Nobody knows but if I ever considered telling someone, my family members would be the last on the list. I do too good a job pretending to be issue-less, I can't go letting my defences down in front of those I know well. That would be the embarrassing part.
But I know that I get something out of it. I want the fear to go away so I can have the quality of life I've only ever dreamed of.

[AnaWhitney]

Sorry, I don't know why I waffled that last post. Now for the actual advice bit. Have you discussed with your T that you find it so hard to talk? You might learn a lot about yourself if you try and work through that particular issue.
If you find you can't talk would it help to write when you are away from the therapy hour and then give it to your T to read? Even a paragraph on what exactly you think and feel while you sit there finding it hard to talk. Even just random words (eg. trapped, awkward, frozen etc)
Doing this has helped me a lot in therapy but at the time I just felt like giving up because I was so blocked. But by naming things my T was able to help

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by AnaWhitney

Sorry, I don't know why I waffled that last post. Now for the actual advice bit. Have you discussed with your T that you find it so hard to talk? You might learn a lot about yourself if you try and work through that particular issue.
If you find you can't talk would it help to write when you are away from the therapy hour and then give it to your T to read? Even a paragraph on what exactly you think and feel while you sit there finding it hard to talk. Even just random words (eg. trapped, awkward, frozen etc)
Doing this has helped me a lot in therapy but at the time I just felt like giving up because I was so blocked. But by naming things my T was able to help

Haha thank you for both of your posts! I have discussed it with my T and T has told me that if I need to email at anytime about anything I'm free to do so. I've emailed maybe 5 times in the past year about real issues and it has helped a lot. Im thankful for that. But again with my perfectionism, I dont want to rely on emailing all the time, I want to be able to speak face to face. I am slowly working on it though because she's beginning to push me more and more. Like when I say something, shell be like are you sure? Then somehow my facial expression changes and she's able to catch that then I tell her the truth.

[Mike_J]

There is still a huge stigma about any mental illness, including anxiety, or anything that involves seeing a therapist. It's nobody's business that you are seeing a therapist, I don't think a person should be ashamed about therapy but it's not something that you need to let everyone know, and it's OK to keep parts of your private life private.

[AnaWhitney]

I'm so sorry, I've just re-read your post and I see that I've completely missed the point of it, twice. My head is a mess. Just ignore everything I've written

[brillskep]

I used to feel embarrassed about going to therapy in the beginning, too, and I was a psychology student with every intention of becoming a psychotherapist myself. What helped me back then was that my therapist told me he was in therapy too and that he had been for a few years. Now I feel responsible and good about myself for going to therapy - and yet, I still wouldn't tell most of my friends who don't know much about psychotherapy, because they tend to be familiar with just the stereotypes that you mentioned from the movies and other less than serious sources, and in the end psychotherapy is something very personal. I mean, I think it's okay to tell only people who are close to you and whom you trust, and at the same time not be embarrassed about it.

Many people are used to dealing with problems by themselves and sometimes to the point it feels very uncomfortable to ask for help even when needed. But asking for help is part of life and learning to accept help can help you have a better life and better relationships too.

Have you told your therapist what you wrote here? This is very important stuff about your experience being in therapy and, if your therapist knows, you could get better assistance talking at your pace and dealing with this experience of feeling embarrassed.

About the movies, remember that is only entertainment, and unfortunately it is often created by people who don't know what therapy really is and who don't really understand about mental health issues. I know I've heard some pretty nasty and inappropriate comments on TV and from people on the train / bus around mental health, but it's important to keep in mind that this says something about their limited knowledge and nothing about you as a person.

Also, I know how it can feel if it was your parents' decision and not yours in the first place - the first psychologist I ever saw (once in a blue moon, really) was when I was 9 and my mother was trying to blame her inability to parent properly on me. At first it even sounded like a threat in my case - but with time and learning, I came to appreciate what psychotherapy has to offer and then I decided to become a therapist myself (and in the meantime I decided to go to therapy on my own as a young adult). What I'm saying is, even if your parents decided this for you (and the way you wrote about it sounds like they were genuinely concerned about something bothering you), you can still make up your mind as to how to use your therapy for your benefit.

Sorry it's difficult for you right now. It's part of the process and I hope you will feel more comfortable with it soon *hug*

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I am not embarrassed by therapy, but it is no ones business but my own.

Perfectionists have difficulty in getting things done - take whatever help, meds etc, you need so you can concentrate on the bigger things in life. Not even Anxiousgirls are islands.

Congratulations on talking more openly with your T - it a huge achievement of which you can be quietly (and privately) proud.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I believe that people who go to therapy are very strong. Its hard to sit there and spill really deep things with someone else (a stranger when you first start with a therapist) and you don't really talk about the therapist. So therapy is one sided. I think the whole therapy process is hard and you have to be strong to do it. I am a very private person and I don't want people knowing I am in therapy. The only people who know is my husband and my best friend.

My advice to you is to not feel embarrassed. You are strong for going to therapy and making the changes you are to better your life. Its perfectly fine to keep parts of your life private. Only tell people if you want.

I thought your post(s) had some excellent advice. If it didn't address the original post, I didn't notice. Good advice can always be used somewhere.

[velcro003]

My friends know I am in therapy, and no one else. I definitely feel the stigma of therapy even though I did go to school and graduate with a BS in Psychology!

[dontevenknow]

In high school, I used to leave school for therapy appointments and say I was going to the doctor. That mixed in with psychiatrist and primary doc appointments made it so I went "to the doctor" quite frequently. Occasionally people would comment on that, but I typically just shrugged it off.

Now I am in college and have the same problem where I do not tell people I am in therapy. Honestly, I don't think my parents even know. I think I told one of my roommates last year and I had told another previous roommate but that is because I thought it was shady that I kept going to "meetings" and not telling them any more.
When I have to leave I say that I have a "meeting". I don't say doctor anymore bc honestly people go to meetings all the time in college, but not so much docs.

I don't want to tell people because I don't want to be judged and I don't want them to know how ill I am. At the same time, when I get back after a tough session and am feeling poor I just want to tell someone but can't. Often times I wish people knew how difficult things are for me and how much I struggle on a daily basis but at the same time I don't want to crush this image I have built up.

I live in an area where the stigma of mental health care has not changed in 30 years. I think it's gotten even worse. I don't talk about going to therapy with anyone, but I'm not really embarrassed. It's just not something people talk about here.

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Hey guys. I've been going to therapy for a year and I wasn't the one who wanted it. My parents sat me down one night and told me I have to see someone because my anxiety was getting intense. I was upset with them but gave it a shot. Up until now I'm having trouble talking openly with my therapist because I dont like talking about feelings in general. My trust with T has grown immensely though which is great. However, I try to keep it a secret. The only people who know I go to therapy are my 2 very close cousins and 2 very close friends. Lately though I've been feeling ashamed for going. Sometimes on TV I would watch shows and someone would act crazy or out of line then turn and go " maybe I need therapy" in a comedic way. I know people say you're strong for going but why dont I feel that? I have a tendency to always do things on my own so even when my T says try medication I always say no because I want to achieve it without the help of that ( not that theres anything wrong, I just have a perfectionist view on everything ). Any advice?

You accept the help of T but not medication. ( Not that I'm suggesting medication). It seems You're writing your own do's and donts.
Why not try and confront what you're telling yourself about what's OK and what's not, whose allowed to know, whose not. What you find acceptable and what not. We create our 'stories'.

I think that we are often conditioned in our relationships and in our image-focused society to believe that we should always be intact mentally and being emotionally vulnerable is wrong. Also, the importance and power of emotions tends to be undervalued. I only went to therapy for the first time past the age of 40, despite an intense life-long interest in psychology and inner world explorations, which is bizarre now in retrospect. The notion that I should be able to handle and solve my problems on my own definitely contributed to the long hesitation. I am now not embarrassed about it at all, more the opposite because I feel it's one of the best things I've ever done to myself. So I'm more kinda proud of it now and like to discuss it with people, although I don't tend to advertise it at work much (and I work in the mental health field myself).

Maybe a possible way of looking at it is that it's one positive thing we do to our well-being, like a gym membership or eating a healthy diet.