Today T and I were having a conversation about how I pick fault in people and things as a way to protect myself because I am fearful of trusting in someone and being let down. This comes from a lifetime of being let down by primary carers and others.
I then realised that the only person I have unwavering faith in, and actually the only person I have ever had unwavering faith in is T. I trust him to be consistent, both in practical matters such as being punctual but also to be consistent in his work with me.
When I told him this, he admitted that he found that quite 'heavy' and I asked him if he was worried about not being able to live up to it, and he said yes. We then went on to talk about what would happen if he did make a major misstep and how I would react to a rupture. In any case I was quite surprised by the fact he had anxiety around my expectations of him.
So do have faith in your T to meet your needs? If so, does your T feel ok with that?

Sorry I messed up the title. Meant Do you have faith in your T? Will try to get it changed.

[stopdog]

No-I would not say I do. I don't find the woman particularly consistant. I generally believe she will be there when she says she will and that the fee is set -that is about it. But I don't believe I have needs that have anything to do with the woman. I don't look to her for needs.

I don't think I really have needs.

Ok, I don't want to get caught up on the 'needs' bit. I maybe should have rephrased the question more generally about having faith in your T.

I have a bit more faith in her than I have in the next person. I trust her to listen to me without getting angry. What else could I have faith in? (I genuinely don't know. Do you have some examples?)

[Ellahmae]

My T is the most consistent person I know & have in my life right now, so consistent she won't even dye her hair or change the smallest thing about the cut for fear of not 'showing consistency' for her clients that need her to be 'the same' always.

I have faith in her in the way that I need, to keep the relationship the change, to not change things, to be there when she says, to keep the communication open both ways, and to support and validate me. So yes I have faith in my T. I hope she's okay with it as it's always her bringing it up . She wants to be consistent for me and wants me to be able to learn and grow through her consistency.

[stopdog]

The one I see asked me if I trusted her and I responded as I did above - she got huffy and said other clients trust her better than I do.
Her memory is like a sieve and there are times when she tries to take credit for things "x must be better because you don't mention it" and she acts (whether she is or not I don't know) surprised every time I tell her x is not better I just quit telling her about it because telling her was completely useless.

[unaluna]

We're accountable.

For me it's just faith in him to know what he's doing and not to mess up.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

For me it's just faith in him to know what he's doing and not to mess up.

I absolutely have no faith in any of them about that.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I absolutely have no faith in any of them about that.

Nor do I.
"That she knows what she's doing"? Well, I'm doing the work in therapy, not her. She mostly listens and now and again gives a pointer - "Let's analyze that" (whereupon I write down an analysis without any help from her).
"Not to mess up"? I think the only way she could mess up is if she were to broadcast my 'secrets' on national TV or something. How could she mess up, exactly?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Breadfish

Nor do I.
"That she knows what she's doing"? Well, I'm doing the work in therapy, not her. She mostly listens and now and again gives a pointer - "Let's analyze that" (whereupon I write down an analysis without any help from her).
"Not to mess up"? I think the only way she could mess up is if she were to broadcast my 'secrets' on national TV or something. How could she mess up, exactly?

Therapists manage to mess and screw up in a myriad of ways.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Therapists manage to mess and screw up in a myriad of ways.

Do you have some examples? Maybe then I can get my head thinking in the right direction - I have difficulty coming up with some.

[atisketatasket]

I know they'll be there on time and listen for an hour and that they'll both be there if I were to need them in an emergency (found that out the hard way last weekend). Other than that, I'm not sure what more I would want.

Do I have faith in them not messing up either in minor or major ways? No. They've both messed up to a moderate degree already. At least they apologized.

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[Pennster]

I feel that I have faith in him, even though he screws up about the same amount as any other person might, on average.

I have faith that he's going to try to help me. But he's also going to be sloppy on getting back to me sometimes, make commitments he'll forget about until I remind him, say stupid stuff sometimes, misread me occasionally, and get thrown by an unexpected response at times. But I know that he means well, and he is sincere in his attempts to help me with being less anxious and depressed. He does his best, which isn't perfect, but I feel like we're probably at the same level of general human error, and that's cool.

Originally Posted by Breadfish

Do you have some examples? Maybe then I can get my head thinking in the right direction - I have difficulty coming up with some.

I also think that therapists can screw up in many ways. I think my ex-T screwed up. One of the things was that she was really negative, when I talked about my life both past and present she always focused on and reflected back negative things, even some things that I'm proud of she drew out negative things from. This was one of the factors that led me on a bit of a downward spiral when I was seeing her.

I'm getting to know my new T, but I'm optimistic that if something's goes awry with my therapy with her she'll find a way to fix it. I don't have faith that nothing will ever go wrong, but a faith that she could deal with it.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I also think that therapists can screw up in many ways. I think my ex-T screwed up. One of the things was that she was really negative, when I talked about my life both past and present she always focused on and reflected back negative things, even some things that I'm proud of she drew out negative things from. This was one of the factors that led me on a bit of a downward spiral when I was seeing her.

I'm getting to know my new T, but I'm optimistic that if something's goes awry with my therapy with her she'll find a way to fix it. I don't have faith that nothing will ever go wrong, but a faith that she could deal with it.

Yeah, I'd count that as screwing up. Thanks.

I'm glad you feel this T is better for you.

[AllHeart]

I have faith in my T for some things and not for others. I have faith she will be there for me in my darkest hours and help pull me through. I have faith in my T when it comes to the humanness aspects of life. I do not have faith she can help me make all of the necessary changes I need to live a fulfilling, half-way good life. I'm such a dang mess up in the head so I don't know if anyone can help me with those changes anyway.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Breadfish

Do you have some examples? Maybe then I can get my head thinking in the right direction - I have difficulty coming up with some.

I'd say one way is inconsistent (or unclear) boundaries.

I've experienced a bit of that with my marriage counselor. Like telling me earlier this year that his door was always open to me if I wanted to see him individually (this was in our second individual session to address my transference for him), then a couple months later, when I actually did request another individual session with him, he declined. Eventually (took a few weeks) got him to admit that he'd made a mistake and shouldn't have offered that in the first place.

[scorpiosis37]

No, I do not have faith in my T. She has proven to be inconsistent at time and fail to follow through. Currently, she says she is trying to win my trust back. I hope that she will, but I am not yet convinced.

[Sarah1985]

Is Faith = to trust? If so, I do. I believe she has my best interest at heart and that she will be there for me, through this journey.

[vonmoxie]

I initially had faith in mine, and perhaps it was more of a manifested consideration on my part. Because I'm a voracious reader and therefore know some things I feel I've often been looked at with bias, as some kind of hypochondriac malingerer, just for using real words and things, and so this time around, I'd decided to provide a carte blanche of sorts, diagnostically and otherwise -- which perhaps ultimately caused me to need to have faith in him. I don't think he needed it from me, or at least not for any productive purpose.

In any event I think it has actually been quite counterproductive; in retrospect I think it would have been far better to let him legitimately earn and appreciate any element of faith on my part.

I do have faith in my t, yes. Not that I expect her to be perfect, because I don't (anymore. perhaps at one time I did.) But I guess what I mean is that I have faith in her as far as - to always have my best interest at heart, that she's doing her honest best to help me help myself. To be consistent with me. To always show up at appointment time. That kind of stuff. Ever since we had that one big rupture a couple years ago whenever, I've been more ok with her being human if that makes sense, making mistakes as she tries to help me is okay, because she owns them and apologizes. And I saw the word accountable up there somewhere in the replies - I am accountable in the relationship too, to always show up, to be open and honest with her, and to work hard too. So I guess I would have to answer that yes - I have faith in both her and in our therapeutic relationship.

I have faith in both my T and Pdoc. It is a faith that they do have my best interests in mind, a faith that they are on my team so to speak and are working to help me improve my life. I don't expect perfection from anyone, but I have faith they would never intentionally do me harm.