Re: Taking care of ME!

I spend my time (I am on disability) helping others; via online or as a peer couselor where I live (public housing) I listen & listen & no one ever asks me.."How are YOU doing?" I guess it's part of my job, but I have gotten so frustrated and overwhelmed with giving & giving --- but I haven't seen my T in over a month. I keep getting anxious & I call & cancel at the last minute everytime (I am supposed to see him every 2 weeks). I cannot get over my feeling like I don't want to go in there and cry for an hour about what's on my plate right now. All I can think is that he's just listening to me b/c he gets paid to.
Mind you, I've had this T for about 10 years now. I know he cares but whenever I present a problem of MINE, he always responds with "What would you tell one of your clients?"
My plea? How would anyone else respond to this saga?

(((((lawstheory))))))

Have you told your T you need somethign different? and that it feels invalidating when he asks what you would tell another client. I hope you reach out and are able to get what you need.

If you dont take care of you, you can't take care of them.

At least that is my new motto. I am a mother and have 3 sons. 2 have significant health issues. I now know that if I don't go to therapy I will not be in a position to take the best care of them that I can.

So.....don't fall into the trap of not going to therapy because you don't think it's important or you are not worth it. It is and you are!

T's always respond that way.......that's what they do......



Good luck

Hello Lawstheory. I feel that it is time that if you are not getting treated like a therapy patient then you should talk to your therapist or find another therapist. I have almost the same situation as yourself, and when I go to therapy my therapist never asks me to diagnose or treat myself. I feel that you are getting treated unethically from your therapist, and I would hope that you would not try to diagnose or treat yourself while seeing a therapist. I am very sorry you are in this position, since I am sure you have more than enough on your plate to render needing someone to help you make the decisions you need to make on a daily basis. I hope the best for you Law. Take care of yourself. Soidhonia

I agree. Tell him you don't like this approach all the time.

And then tell him what you would like.

Hi Lawstheory,

I'm guessing that, if you've stayed with the same T for ten years, there must be some plusses in that working relationship. So, hopefully you can talk with this person, and work out this difficulty, as the others have suggested. I, too, think it's important to tell your T that you want/need something different than the same response you seem to be getting at the moment right now, a reminder to consider what you might say to others as you listen in peer counseling.

I have found myself in similar situations. I am on disability, too, and have done a lot of volunteer work over the years (still do) - wanting to give to the community, and also make positive use of my time. I also think I have a "caretaker" bent in my character, and I have come to realize that I have to be careful about that. If I do too much work where I am caring for others, I overextend myself emotionally and spiritually, and there isn't enough left to take good care of myself. I have to be careful about the number of relationships and volunteer activities I choose to do which involve an intense amount of caring. I also have come to realize that I have to build in some relationships and experiences where I'm receiving some caring and nurturing myself, or at least exchanging it back and forth somehow, with friends, or in fellowship groups, or in some other way. Sometimes one needs to nudge one's friends to do some listening, if they're not asking you how you're doing. And if your friends aren't the sort of friends who are able to reciprocate, and share back and forth, you may want to seek out additional friends who can provide that for you. Those people do exist in the world. The listening and support that Ts can provide is really important, but good friendships can be helpful as well.

Thinking of you - and I hope things start looking up one way or another.

Take care,
ErinBear