[InRealLife45]

Had my final forever very last session with old/bad/ex-T.

The one who gave me foot and scalp massages and kissed my forehead and told me if I was younger she'd have tried to adopt me, told me I was special, she liked me the best, and held me in her arms on the couch and told me "the love is here."

Today in the final moments of our last session I asked her if she ever loved me and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Love is not something I feel for clients, I never said that to you, I don't even say that to my family, so no, I never loved you."

So I asked well then what did you mean by the love is here, what did you mean by accepting the love when it's offered, what did you mean by falling into the arms of love? What did you mean by " I can't fake this, you'd be able to tell. This is real."

She said all she meant was that caring was here, that she had hopes for me to have a better future.

I feel furious. She's a liar.

Tomorrow I see new T. I hope we get on well bc I need this. Someone new and not damaged like old T, not a liar.


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[Yoda]

Sounds so very painful.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

Had my final forever very last session with old/bad/ex-T.

The one who gave me foot and scalp massages and kissed my forehead and told me if I was younger she'd have tried to adopt me, told me I was special, she liked me the best, and held me in her arms on the couch and told me "the love is here."

Today in the final moments of our last session I asked her if she ever loved me and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Love is not something I feel for clients, I never said that to you, I don't even say that to my family, so no, I never loved you."

So I asked well then what did you mean by the love is here, what did you mean by accepting the love when it's offered, what did you mean by falling into the arms of love? What did you mean by " I can't fake this, you'd be able to tell. This is real."

She said all she meant was that caring was here, that she had hopes for me to have a better future.

I feel furious. She's a liar.

Tomorrow I see new T. I hope we get on well bc I need this. Someone new and not damaged like old T, not a liar.


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Wow! That's horrible! I don't even know what to say about that right now! How misleading and dishonest that was of her! Maybe she should look into finding herself a therapist because that's just messed up! I how a your new one treats you better!

[dj315]

That is a terrible, awful thing to say to a client. And the fact that she doesn't say "love" to her family (if I read your post correctly) says even more about her. I'm so sorry. I hope your new T is brilliant.

[SkyscraperMeow]

So sorry this happened to you. What a douchenozzle for her to have said and done all those things and then acted as if they didn't happen. I hope your new T is everything she wasn't and more!

[bounceback]

Sorry to say it but your T is a *****. How can you not spend time investing yourself in a person's life and not feel some sort of love for them? They are sharing and trusting you enough to share their most innermost soul with you. For some people you are their whole world. She is in the wrong profession maybe she should be in a garbage man.

[unaluna]

Im confused. To say they cared about me and hoped for a better future for me - thats pretty clean and uncomplicated. What more did you want from her? Like, i wanted respect from my family of origin, but they were too busy having their imaginary relationship with some imaginary version of me - my actual presence is not really required. So simply to be acknowledged as being this height and weight means a lot to me. I see my family as liars because they dont even "accept" my haircut. But i dont understand how your t lied to you. Did you accept her caring? Was it "not enough"?

[growlycat]

Something is very very wrong with this woman. (Not saying love to her family? A lie at best, psycho in the worst case.)

So wishing you a healthy T relationship. She will get herself into trouble one day. She is not cut out for this.

[Pierro]

She is not a good therapist. She has crossed boundaries and now making out that you made it up! You are better off with another therapist. best wishes

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[mcl6136]

You have been put through something damaging and trust destroying...please be kind to yourself!

[musinglizzy]

I'm so sorry IRL....that's horribly painful. Stay safe, and stay hopeful that this new T is everything you need her to be.

[AllHeart]

The woman is clearly delusional and very sick. I am so sorry this woman's distorted mind effed with your heartstrings.

[Myrto]

Your therapist is the worst. I'm sorry. You'll find someone better. Actually, ANYONE would be better.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Today in the final moments of our last session I asked her if she ever loved me and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Love is not something I feel for clients, I never said that to you, I don't even say that to my family, so no, I never loved you."

Wow, she sounds like a gem all around. Who doesn't even say that to their family?

I think saying you "care about somebody" is pretty close to saying you love them. A lot of times I say that but mean "I love you." But taking back the words and denying the emotions that were there is cruel and crazy-making. I get how painful it is because I went through something very similar in the spring.

[JaneTennison1]

Weird that she doesn't even say it to family. That's her issue. Glad you are seeing a new T.

I'm so glad you recorded her so she can't deny what she said. Sorry if you've already said this, but are you still filing a complaint?

[here today]

If it were a medical doctor or even massage therapist who misled and hurt a client like this, it would be reasonable for a complaint to be filed and their license reviewed. OK, assume it's ignorance on the part of the T so that she can't see how she hurt this client. Nobody's perfect, maybe she could learn something,. But if she doesn't that means, unfortunately, that she may be liable to do it to someone else. Why is there no agency, no nothing, that not only is willing to look into complaints but actively wants feedback and reports, in order to make therapy more effective for everybody -- and therefore for the good of everybody, not just individual clients, who suffer in silence, except fortunately we now have PC forums.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by here today

If it were a medical doctor or even massage therapist who misled and hurt a client like this, it would be reasonable for a complaint to be filed and their license reviewed. OK, assume it's ignorance on the part of the T so that she can't see how she hurt this client. Nobody's perfect, maybe she could learn something,. But if she doesn't that means, unfortunately, that she may be liable to do it to someone else. Why is there no agency, no nothing, that not only is willing to look into complaints but actively wants feedback and reports, in order to make therapy more effective for everybody -- and therefore for the good of everybody, not just individual clients, who suffer in silence, except fortunately we now have PC forums.

There are agencies that look into complaints; each state should have something like a board of behavioral health that covers psychotherapists, and discipline that affects license status is recorded in an online database accessible to everyone. They keep track of reports, too, even ones that don't lead to discipline, and those are available as public records (you do have to file a request and sometimes pay a fee).

Feedback? We are dependent on internet reviews and word-of-mouth for that. Both are notoriously unreliable, since people tend to either love or hate their doctors and therapists, depending on how treatment turned out for them or how they were treated.

I would have hoped that she would have used this final session to somehow draw together some positives from your time together and to set you on your way for the future with warm, encouraging words? I've never had a final session with a T as I just quit cold turkey with my ex-T, but that is what I hoped she would have done.

I hope the next one is immeasurably different.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I would have hoped that she would have used this final session to somehow draw together some positives from your time together and to set you on your way for the future with warm, encouraging words? I've never had a final session with a T as I just quit cold turkey with my ex-T, but that is what I hoped she would have done.

I hoped so too, but she didn't. She decided to go out with a lie. Her final words? "We have to end now because we started early. Take care of yourself."

Am I going to report her? Absolutely.

Unfortunately even though she consented to the majority of the recordings I can't use them when I report her (according to my ethics professor) without opening myself up to a lawsuit unless she consented to each and every recording on each and every recording. So I can only use the few where she said "yes you can record."

Which is a bummer. But I still have the emails and my records (journals) which I know are more thorough than those she kept, unless she went back and made some up (which at this point I absolutely do not doubt she did/would do.)

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[SkyscraperMeow]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Im confused. To say they cared about me and hoped for a better future for me - thats pretty clean and uncomplicated. What more did you want from her? Like, i wanted respect from my family of origin, but they were too busy having their imaginary relationship with some imaginary version of me - my actual presence is not really required. So simply to be acknowledged as being this height and weight means a lot to me. I see my family as liars because they dont even "accept" my haircut. But i dont understand how your t lied to you. Did you accept her caring? Was it "not enough"?

I am confused by this comment. Did you not actually read the post? This woman broke boundaries, snuggled her client, told her she wanted to adopt her, told her she was loved while cuddling her... and then turned around at the end and said 'of course I never loved you.'

And you think that's all fine and dandy, lemon candy?

What more the OP had the right to expect from a therapist is A) not boundary crossings which make Moses parting the Red Sea look like nothing and B) a coherent, sane ending to therapy which didn't involve backpeddling on everything she'd ever said / did in the phase where the therapist was clearly getting her jollies at the client's expense.

This comment comes across as really victim blaming, especially with the 'did you not accept her care?'. Ick. Come on. Predatory therapists like this one who blow hot and cold don't have care. They have manipulation.

[missbella]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

There are agencies that look into complaints; each state should have something like a board of behavioral health that covers psychotherapists, and discipline that affects license status is recorded in an online database accessible to everyone. They keep track of reports, too, even ones that don't lead to discipline, and those are available as public records (you do have to file a request and sometimes pay a fee).

I've read that only an infinitesimal fraction of complaints filed against mental health professionals are even heard by the regulating body of the therapists' peers. Of that tiny percentage, even a tinier percentage of complaints are found in the client's favor. Beginning with Freud, many therapists are trained to "blame the patient" (the ahem, "difficult" patient) when treatment goes off rails. Ruptures can be blamed on projection and transference, as opposed to the therapist's outrageous behavior. Even ethics discussions seem largely concerned with avoiding the lawsuits and the APPEARANCE of impropriety rather than the actual pitfalls of harming a client.

I went found the discipline process to be a sorry joke. My therapist later joined the "ethics" board himself.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by missbella

I've read that only an infinitesimal fraction of complaints filed against mental health professionals are even heard by the regulating body of the therapists' peers. Of that tiny percentage, even a tinier percentage of complaints are found in the client's favor. Beginning with Freud, many therapists are trained to "blame the patient" (the ahem, "difficult" patient) when treatment goes off rails. Ruptures can be blamed on projection and transference, as opposed to the therapist's outrageous behavior. Even ethics discussions seem largely concerned with avoiding the lawsuits and the APPEARANCE of impropriety rather than the actual pitfalls of harming a client.

I went found the discipline process to be a sorry joke. My therapist later joined the "ethics" board himself.

Yes, my ethics professor says I have a better chance of getting her in trouble for improper insurance billing (billing for email sessions) than I do for the boundary violations. But I'm going to report all of it anyway. They can get her for whatever they deem fit. I may even put my sessions online for other people to hear and be warned away from her.

But then she may sue me so I don't know. But they are mine...

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[unaluna]

Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow

I am confused by this comment. Did you not actually read the post? This woman broke boundaries, snuggled her client, told her she wanted to adopt her, told her she was loved while cuddling her... and then turned around at the end and said 'of course I never loved you.'

And you think that's all fine and dandy, lemon candy?

What more the OP had the right to expect from a therapist is A) not boundary crossings which make Moses parting the Red Sea look like nothing and B) a coherent, sane ending to therapy which didn't involve backpeddling on everything she'd ever said / did in the phase where the therapist was clearly getting her jollies at the client's expense.

This comment comes across as really victim blaming, especially with the 'did you not accept her care?'. Ick. Come on. Predatory therapists like this one who blow hot and cold don't have care. They have manipulation.

I dont see IRL complaining about the boundary crossings, as many posters here are. I dont have a problem with the boundary crossings either, per se. But i think IRL couldnt accept them them for what they were ("the love is here") AND wanted something more - something undefinable?

I thought IRL's original post was very well written, very clear, very well divided, progressing in thought and feeling. My OP had a big meatball in the middle of it because i was trying to compare my family situation, but im not trying to blame IRL.

I think it is very difficult and scary to make a conscious decision to accept caring from a t. You make yourself very vulnerable, not EVEN considering the t's part in it. You could have mother theresa for a t and still you or i would feel vulnerable.

Im putting myself in IRL s shoes - i can see my t saying he never "loved me loved me", even tho we do say "i love you" to each other. He loves his dogs, he loves his kids - im KIND of a kid. But i feel like im even saying that as a concession to the therapeutic alliance. Its a two-way thing. Thats what i mean by, you have to accept it from a t. You cant just say they can never love you enough. You cant insist they post a bond of a million dollars when you wont even accept five cents of it.