Wierd session this week.
Cut a long story short - I feel I'm hiding stuff, T says she doesn't side told her everything - I don't know where to go from this point.
I'm aware some transference maybe acting itself out at the moment.
I remember T in reply to my "what am I hiding?" Statement, saying "I don't think you're hiding anything ".

But perhaps she and I missed out a vital word - feelings - yes I've told her Everything. But I hide my feelings. I'm surprised T didn't say that.

[Parva]

I bet she knows you hide your feelings, even though she said she felt like you weren't hiding anything. Maybe she gets a little credit for not pushing on you to expose your feelings until you're ready. A patient, careful therapist is worth their weight in gold.

I wonder if you should ask yourself who you're hiding your feelings from - you or her? Or both? The narrative of our lives is just words, but the feelings make us who we are and vulnerable to being badly hurt. Do you trust her with your feelings yet?

I've been with this T 12yrs. I've told her Everything she says. But I've not told her about my feelings for her.

Do the feelings need to be spoken? Is it helpful, is it healing? These are questions is like to know the answer to.

I don't know. I think the words/feelings need to be received. I could never express my love growing up, I was told what I felt wasnt real.
I need them to be real and accepted.

I'd find it hard to even say my Ts name to her face.

I agree, I think it would be helpful, the process of expressing the feelings