[AllHeart]

Lots of talk about attachment lately so thought I’d ask this question:

Has anyone ever had a therapist say they are attached to you, the client? If so, how did that story end?


*****Adding attachment description**************
According to psychologist Mary Ainsworth, attachment "may be defined as an affectional tie that one person or animal forms between himself and another specific one – a tie that binds them together in space and endures over time." Attachment is not just a connection between two people; it is a bond that involves a desire for regular contact with that person and the experience of distress during separation from that person.

[atisketatasket]

Yeah, it's like National Attachment Day around here.

I haven't heard attached, but No. 1 keeps telling me she's "attuned" to me. Don't know if therapists think there is a difference.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Yeah, it's like National Attachment Day around here.

I haven't heard attached, but No. 1 keeps telling me she's "attuned" to me. Don't know if therapists think there is a difference.

I think there's a difference. Attuned means "in sync with" but attachment is more of a bond with perhaps one-sidedness (clients tend to be more attached to the T than the T to the client) but you can be attached but not in tune with each other.

[BayBrony]

My T has said she loves me, that I am an important part of her life, etc and that she thinks the work we are doing is amazing and is changing her as well as changing me I've been in therapy with her for 3.5 years. We have open out of session contact, hugs, all that stuff. We are working through a huge rupture right now and making hood progress. I am changing so much right now I can almost see it. If she hasn't gotten rid of me by now I doubt she will. The story is not over yet but I see continued healing coming though it will surely take time

My T has never said she's attached to me, because she probably isn't. But she has said she feels "connected".

I found this blog which suggests therapists might get attached - http://doctortobin.com/blog/therapis...eaves-therapy/

[stopdog]

The first one I see has said she gets bonded to clients - but she did not specifically say me so that was good. I don't really believe her in general- I think she was just messing with me about it.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Lots of talk about attachment lately so thought I’d ask this question:

Has anyone ever had a therapist say they are attached to you, the client? If so, how did that story end?

Madame T never used the word "attachment" but I'm sure she was. And is.

[junkDNA]

my t has told me he feels protective . i dont think he would straight up say he was attached to me...im not sure if thats healthy. but then again i dont know.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

My T has never said she's attached to me, because she probably isn't. But she has said she feels "connected".

I found this blog which suggests therapists might get attached - Therapist Sadness, Guilt and Longing After Client Leaves Therapy | Doctor Tobin's Client & Therapist Space

But if they never share those feelings, they are completely wasted.

[stopdog]

How would they be wasted? They are for the feeler, not the feelee.

[Pennster]

I feel like my therapist gets attached to many of his clients. He works in a very compassionate way, so it just feels like there is a lot of love floating around the room. He's said he cares about me, and would miss me if I were to discontinue suddenly - I don't think this is particularly personal to me, but reflects the way he feels about his clients more generally. He seems to really like people and I just feel like he gets attached in a very comfortable way to a lot of people, including his clients. His generosity of spirit in this realm has been very helpful to me and to feeling secure in our work together.

[vonmoxie]

stopdog, you have a way with words.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Madame T never used the word "attachment" but I'm sure she was. And is.

I had one who never used the word attachment either -- but who invited me to live at her house (I didn't need a place to live), invited me to work in her office, and her husband used to give me the dagger-eyes every chance he got. So I daresay she had an attachment, voiced or not.

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Lots of talk about attachment lately so thought I’d ask this question:

Has anyone ever had a therapist say they are attached to you, the client? If so, how did that story end?

It ended badly. And I've told this story of her unhealthy attachment before, so apologies to anyone who's bored of it, but she eventually started behaving very passive-aggressively, trying to get me to be the one to terminate therapy. Which was surely for the best. But she didn't need to be such a jerk about it, like telling me if I didn't vote for the presidential candidate she would be (Mitt Romney at the time), I shouldn't ever come back.. knowing that whatever my political preference, I would not take kindly to that kind of bullying. And she wasn't joking in the least. So I went from being offered free room and board to being worth not more than my vote. Hell hath no fury, etc.

[scorpiosis37]

I do not know whether she would use the word "attached," but I definitely think she feels bonded to me. Just on Friday, she wrote me a birthday message in which she called me "one of her favorite people" and she has told me several times that the relationship she has with me is the strongest she has had with a client: we hug, we say "I love you," we have open contact between sessions, and are fairly causal with one another. She has also told me that she would miss me a lot if I ever chose to end therapy, but I do not think she would feel "distress." I think she has a lot of people and love in her life, but I do think she considers me one of them. I feel very lucky and grateful to have this wonderful relationship with my T. It has been incredibly healing for me. I think my RL relationships are significantly better because I have worked through early attachment wounds with my T and have gotten to experience some kind of "maternal" affection from my T through our work together.

[magicalprince]

Yes, ex T was definitely attached to me. She said that in a lot of very clear ways. We had a very mutual relationship. I miss her.

[iheartjacques]

All this makes me wonder how the heck do you have a good ending???

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

All this makes me wonder how the heck do you have a good ending???

It may be those guys don't consider some sadness about separation to equal a bad ending.

[Soccer mom]

One time in my session while talking about friendships, my ex T said she's a lot of fun and a great friend. I asked why in the world she would say that knowing I would like to and can't have a friendship with her. She said we're friends......an hour a week in here. Made me mad for a week but I wondered if she was attached or experiencing counter transference of some sort.

My therapists and I have never even uttered the word attachment, but I know my therapist has a particular soft spot in his heart for not just me, but my whole family. He's gotten to know us all and reached beyond our session times to be of support and care over the years. It's a mutual thing I guess.

iheartjacques, you asked this question: "All this makes me wonder how the heck do you have a good ending???"
I think the comfortable and close relationship we shared made separating actually all the much easier because it was kind of like the natural next step as those people in your life move on. You are happy for them, and while you may miss them, you take more pleasure in knowing life is going well for them and that they are happy.

Attachment gets a very negative rap sometimes because for many it is a very anxious and insecure attachment that creates a great deal of tension, but for others of us, attachment is simply a comfortable, secure, caring relationship that will go through natural phases: natural beginnings, changes, and endings (because all relationships eventually end in some way). We don't really fear those endings because we accept, as painful as they might be, that they do have to happen.

[wheeler]

My former therapist would use the term 'connected' very freely. I think maybe for me it had a much more positive connotation than 'attached'.

[wheeler]

Oh, and Happy Attachment Year to everyone....too bad Hallmark doesn't have a card for that!

[ruh roh]

I don't think my therapist gets attached to clients, but I can see how someone might think or want to think that she does. She's very personable and generous with contact between sessions. She might like some clients more than others, and would miss them for a bit, but I have no doubt it's not the same kind of attachment a client would feel. It's part of her job to see people come and go.

[stopdog]

I don't think the second one does. She has never talked about attachment or bonding or anything like that at all - let alone in terms of therapist and client. She also has two careers and has never therapized full time.

[Chummy]

Never heard that from a T. I'm sure none of the T's I've had was even close to being attached to me. I don't think anyone would ever be able to be attached to me. And I don't think a lot of T's would admit it to their client.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Attachment gets a very negative rap sometimes because for many it is a very anxious and insecure attachment that creates a great deal of tension, but for others of us, attachment is simply a comfortable, secure, caring relationship that will go through natural phases: natural beginnings, changes, and endings (because all relationships eventually end in some way). We don't really fear those endings because we accept, as painful as they might be, that they do have to happen.

I totally agree with your post. I had a very anxious/fearful attachment style to my ex-T. which she fueled by not understanding what I was going through. I don't think she had experience with someone with transference like I had. I'm with a new T. now and have NONE of those feelings. It is a very comfortable and caring relationship. It is so different in such a better way. If I had known this was possible, I would have left T1 months before I did.

My t has never used the word "attachment" (I have, when I first told her I was very attached to her) but she has said before that we have a deep connection.