[wolfie205]

I don't know if this is just denial or me not being able to trust people but sometimes, I feel like my therapist is exaggerating how bad things are. She told me that I had profound PTSD. I keep telling myself it's not an actual diagnosis and that my PTSD isn't that bad. She keeps saying that what happened to me in my childhood was horrific, getting bullied in school must be horrible but I keep feeling like it wasn't that bad. I told her that I felt as if I shouldn't be so affected by it but she said anyone who has been molested would be affected because it was a violation of my privacy in the most brutal way. She has told me once that she always means what she says and that she's not just pretending but I find that really hard to believe. I can't accept that what happened to me was really as bad as she says it is. Sometimes, I feel like I shouldn't have PTSD and my symptoms aren't really that bad because I can hold down a job. Should I trust what she is saying?

[vonmoxie]

Why not just ask her to go over the specifics with you, of what she's basing the diagnosis on? That she called it "profound" doesn't seem to suggest that an offhand assumption was made, without really looking at the criteria. Perhaps you have more of the listed symptoms than are required for a diagnosis; that could cause a practitioner to use the word profound -- but you can't know for sure unless you ask. I don't think you have to question your own relationship with trust here -- it's normal to want to understand.

Though I don't know the exact context, it does make me slightly nervous that she says "anyone would", because people react to trauma differently; not everyone ends up with PTSD, so it's really symptoms that should be looked at for a diagnosis, and not just the existence of past trauma. It's good that you have someone to work through it with though, as it sounds like you could potentially be underestimating its effects on you, which would not be unusual for a trauma survivor. We get so good at sublimating our feelings about these things, pushing them down inside, that they become more difficult to express in a healthy way later on. It's certainly worthy of attention, as are you.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

We clients cannot see the bigger picture - your T will know from her training of the consequences of what happened to you and the damage seen and unseen that might have been caused.

I found this to be the case in my own treatment (admittedly less traumatic and serious than yours I suspect). I was glad I listened to her.

I would trust her and see what happens, at least for several months.

I think it's important that the T sees things from your perspective and doesn't make assumptions about how your past experiences affect you today.
To her, your past experiences seem horrific, but it could be somewhat detrimental for her to try and convince you they are worse than you feel they are. After all, these are your experiences.
If you don't think you have PTSD you are within your right to say so. At the end of the day, how a therapist feels about your past isn't particularly relevant. The process is about exploring your own experiencing of the issues. The way you feel about them is paramount.

[wotchermuggle]

I would trust your therapist.

I could have written your post a few years ago. I couldn't rationalize every using the word "traumatic" to describe my life. It took a long time to be willing to view things differently.

People in your life may not feel like you have PTSD. You may not think your experiences were "that bad", but I doubt that your therapist makes you want to feel worse about yourself by telling you that your experiences are worse than they are.

Acceptance is a really hard thing.

[SkyscraperMeow]

When you grow up in a meat grinder, the gnashing gears etcetera just become part of the wallpaper. You don't even notice them. You adapt, you make conversation about the weather. Maybe you take up yoga and crying in the rain.

But at some point in your adult life, you realize that you can't seem to connect with people, you're incapable of handling authority, things that seem so easy for other people are impossible for you*, and then you go to therapy.

And then you realize that meatgrinders aren't nurturing spaces for growing a human being, that the adaptations you took on to survive are counterproductive for an adult, and that you've been damaged.

But who wants to be damaged? Nobody! Who wants to be a victim? Nobody! So sometimes its easier to feel like you're not that badly off, because to look at how badly off you are is to feel the full weight of the horror of that meat grinder, and that's too much to take all at once, or sometimes even a little at a time.

*This may fit some, all or none of your experiences.

[wolfie205]

Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow

When you grow up in a meat grinder, the gnashing gears etcetera just become part of the wallpaper. You don't even notice them. You adapt, you make conversation about the weather. Maybe you take up yoga and crying in the rain.

But at some point in your adult life, you realize that you can't seem to connect with people, you're incapable of handling authority, things that seem so easy for other people are impossible for you*, and then you go to therapy.

And then you realize that meatgrinders aren't nurturing spaces for growing a human being, that the adaptations you took on to survive are counterproductive for an adult, and that you've been damaged.

But who wants to be damaged? Nobody! Who wants to be a victim? Nobody! So sometimes its easier to feel like you're not that badly off, because to look at how badly off you are is to feel the full weight of the horror of that meat grinder, and that's too much to take all at once, or sometimes even a little at a time.

*This may fit some, all or none of your experiences.

Thanks, I love the meat grinder example! I guess in a way, it is true... Maybe it's easier to pretend that it wasn't that bad, that I wasn't abused and that my family really wasn't that messed up. I'm doing the same thing my family is... Denying and minimising it.

[iheartjacques]

For a long time I couldn't see why I couldn't handle things as well as I think many other people do. A psychologist showed me the list of issues my psychiatrist sent to her. She said it was HUGE. So now I try to concentrate on looking after myself and forgiving myself for my meltdowns.
Maybe it's hard for us to see what others see, especially when they say people have ended up in hospital over lesser things.

[marmaduke]

SkyscraperMeow
When you grow up in a meat grinder, the gnashing gears etcetera just become part of the wallpaper. You don't even notice them. You adapt, you make conversation about the weather. Maybe you take up yoga and crying in the rain.

Yeah. Thats how it is. Being treated badly is your 'normal'.

I couldn't label my experience as 'abuse' I mean, I wasn't beaten or whipped with a belt. I was 'just' ignored, unloved, ridiculed, neglected, and, people have it so much worse than I do.
Now, I call it abuse. Neglect is abuse.

[UglyDucky]

My father was a physician, and over the years I've become a real advocate for truth and fact in medical/mental health records...one's treatment depends on accuracy. If I were you, I would ask your T to explain to you why she feels your situation merits the diagnosis she's given. In my own case with PTSD, I minimized the affect the situation actually had on me. It wasn't until a year or so later that I understood that what I originally thought was a minor confrontation was actually quite life altering. One thing I learned from my situation was that it isn't whether or not someone else has it worse than you do, but what happens to people affects them "differently." You might want to give yourself a little time to assess what your T tells you and concentrate on how you feel about what happened to you.