[monkeybrains21]

not sure if this is triggering but i will put the icon just in case since i can never remember how to do the hiding part. i am 29 Female with a lot of baggage?

REMEMBER TRIGGER WARNING!!!

i recently started seeing a new therapist about 9 weeks ago so 9 sessions since i go once a week. in this period i have somehow made her cry 2x including this past weekend. i dont mean to but i think shes just a good therapist that is human and shows human emotions. i on the other dont really show emotions as i have posted in the past. i have no idea what most emotions feel like so when i feel something i dont recognize i just get really angry.

now for those who dont know me i have a very long past of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), as well as my twin dying in my arms. my new T and i really got into the details surrounding my sisters death minute by minute (my doing not hers). anyways we got to how i "coped" with her death. which to me was a lot of alcohol and just not caring and doing nothing to prevent myself from dying. i told her of the constant dreams every night of some new twisted sick way my twin died over and over again. any and all ways imaginable she died and i had to bear witness and relive every night.

so i drank and drank and at first it help and the dreams went away but then they came back with a vengeance the more i drank. i dont get them much anymore at least not the ones that wake me to find myself covered in tears and i dont cry while awake ever really. so new T was like " i think you may want to try EMDR. and being on this sight i had heard of it but i have no idea what it really is since i cant comprehend it well. anyways she points next to me to a pair of old fashioned head phones (yes truly old fashioed like the ones that look like giant black cotton ball on them) and tells me thats what she uses.

so ive no idea what EMDR really is all about and i can read all the info on the net and comprehend none. im asking has anyone done it? whats it all about? hows it feel?

honestly it scares the **** outta me to maybe have a bunch of things come up and i have zero coping skills as of yet that are healthy. i SI as coping and it can be pretty bad. i also tend to have really bad panic attacks when memories hit hard and fast. so in my mind all i see myself doing is freaking out hardcore and really losing it. its probably just my anxiety ratcheting up but i cant shake the feeling im going to just break.

please any info would be greatly appreciated. and FYi i will ask my wife about it.

I know a few people have done emdr here including myself but PattiJane who is an emdr practioner usually comes along to explain things.

[atisketatasket]

Since you're asking for experience and not just a copy-and-paste lecture, I can say this.

I haven't done EMDR proper (don't plan to), but one of mine does research on EMDR and - because I have such trouble talking in therapy - she used a couple EMDR stimuli with me to see if that made it easier. It did. It also brought a bunch of emotions and thoughts to the surface. Probably nowhere near as bad as the real thing.

My understanding of the real thing is that the therapist will very carefully prepare you to be able to handle the surge of stuff. And they will, or should, very carefully shut the process down at the end, so that you're not left to cope with it on your own.

[Out There]

Hi I have EMDR , your T will work on grounding and possibly mindfulness techniques with you. It is a quite gentle process in my experience and I have not regretted it although it can be a little difficult when processing starts. I wish you well!

Pattijane will probably respond within a few days about the process of EMDR and about preparing you for it, so I won't go into that. I'll just share my experiences.

Regular trauma talk therapy is, for me, like diving into the ocean of memories and trying to swim. EMDR is like sitting at the beach, watching the ocean, seeing what comes to the surface. No swimming required.
Also what I like is that you don't have to voice everything (or even anything) or explain something to the therapist. When asked what you're thinking aboutt, "a pink elephant" is a valid answer. This is great for me because some things are too big, heavy or embarassing to say.

EMDR hasn't helped me a lot yet, but it has a little, and I'm counting on lots of little bits to add up to something significant.

[Ellahmae]

My T wants to do EMDR with me but I'm not stable enough right now so she hasn't. It's all in the preparation and a good EMDR therapist (officially trained and keeps hours current) will know this. Know the signs of readiness. I explained to her that I was terrified of it and since she has been 'on the couch' with it before and does it regularly with other clients she explained that it's not as scary as it sounds. That she gives me a way to 'get out' of it if some of the thoughts/memories become too strong. I like that she has said I don't have to voice anything she just needs to know what 'number' I'm feeling at that moment. I like that I won't have to talk about details or what comes to the surface. I'm hoping that when I'm stable enough and she believes it's okay for me to start that it will neutralize some of my fears/anxiety/etc. So even though I haven't started it yet I'm both looking forward to it and am still nervous for it, mainly because of the unknown. I have a lot of unknown trauma/stories that I'm not sure I want to know about but she says it will be okay, and that brings me to my last point - the trust between the client and the therapist has to be there, in my opinion and from what I've read anyway. I liked what Breadfish said about, "sitting at the beach, watching the ocean, and seeing what comes to the surface". That's how my T explained it to me, it's not prying. It's not drowning in the memory. It's watching it come up and letting it go back out to sea.

[pattijane]

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

not sure if this is triggering but i will put the icon just in case since i can never remember how to do the hiding part. i am 29 Female with a lot of baggage?

REMEMBER TRIGGER WARNING!!!

i recently started seeing a new therapist about 9 weeks ago so 9 sessions since i go once a week. in this period i have somehow made her cry 2x including this past weekend. i dont mean to but i think shes just a good therapist that is human and shows human emotions. i on the other dont really show emotions as i have posted in the past. i have no idea what most emotions feel like so when i feel something i dont recognize i just get really angry.

now for those who dont know me i have a very long past of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), as well as my twin dying in my arms. my new T and i really got into the details surrounding my sisters death minute by minute (my doing not hers). anyways we got to how i "coped" with her death. which to me was a lot of alcohol and just not caring and doing nothing to prevent myself from dying. i told her of the constant dreams every night of some new twisted sick way my twin died over and over again. any and all ways imaginable she died and i had to bear witness and relive every night.

so i drank and drank and at first it help and the dreams went away but then they came back with a vengeance the more i drank. i dont get them much anymore at least not the ones that wake me to find myself covered in tears and i dont cry while awake ever really. so new T was like " i think you may want to try EMDR. and being on this sight i had heard of it but i have no idea what it really is since i cant comprehend it well. anyways she points next to me to a pair of old fashioned head phones (yes truly old fashioed like the ones that look like giant black cotton ball on them) and tells me thats what she uses.

so ive no idea what EMDR really is all about and i can read all the info on the net and comprehend none. im asking has anyone done it? whats it all about? hows it feel?

honestly it scares the **** outta me to maybe have a bunch of things come up and i have zero coping skills as of yet that are healthy. i SI as coping and it can be pretty bad. i also tend to have really bad panic attacks when memories hit hard and fast. so in my mind all i see myself doing is freaking out hardcore and really losing it. its probably just my anxiety ratcheting up but i cant shake the feeling im going to just break.

please any info would be greatly appreciated. and FYi i will ask my wife about it.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF EMDR THERAPY!!! Make sure you and your T spend lots of time in one of the initial EMDR therapy phases (Phase 2) which involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need.

In phase 2 you learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR therapy is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events, or whatever disturbance(s) on which you’re working. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or any method of bilateral stimulation that feels okay to you) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. (The stimulation should not be kept on continuously, because there are specific procedures that need to be followed to process the memory). The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR therapy techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources.

Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.

Pacing and dosing are critically important. So if you ever feel that EMDR processing is too intense then it might be time to go back over all the resources that should be used both IN session and BETWEEN sessions.

As a recently retired psychologist, I used EMDR therapy as my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and “small t” trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my (now retired) role as a facilitator who trained other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, bad dreams, and many other problems. It's a very gentle method with no significant "down-side" so that in the hands of a professional EMDR therapist, there should be no freak-outs or worsening of day-to-day functioning.

I can't say enough good things about EMDR therapy. It's changed my life both as a person/consumer, and as a therapist. It has been so satisfying to have someone come in for help and then to witness them get through their issues and finish therapy relatively quickly (compared to regular talk therapy, it's like night and day). I am both humbled by and grateful for this wonderful method that heals suffering.