[qwertykeyboard]

there has been a lot of talk recently about t's taking things away/strengthening boundaries, so i was wondering if anyone had experience starting with stricter boundaries and then t loosened them over time ie adding hugs/texting/touching/etc. what effect has this had on you?

I REALIZE I MIS-TITLED THIS, MEANT TO CALL IT "DECREASE IN BOUNDARIES"

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T allows me to do somethings that she doesn't do for other clients. Mainly, she lets me email her. She also sits in a different chair for me (so she'll be closer). Her boundaries, however, are still in place, and are still a little rigid fir my taste. But the good thing is that she's at least consistent, so I really don't have to fear her taking away anything away.

At first T2 didn't respond to my emails usually but now he does respond and acknowledge them. I'm not sure what prompted the change but it's OK at the moment. He still doesn't do therapy by email so it's not a massive shift.

I don't know if my T relaxed his boundaries as much as I relaxed mine. LOL. he apparently always hugs clients if they ask. I just did not ask for a long time. He always accepts between session calls, I just did not consider calling him for the first couple of years. The only boundaries I would say he relaxed are email and text. He does not want clients to email or text. He told me to email as much as I want, and to text photos of drawings I do.

[luvnola]

A previous t had pretty strict boundaries and then, after seeing me for over a year and I guess getting to know me better, she loosened things up for me. She gave me her cell and home numbers and told me to use them whenever I wanted. I never did though; always called her office number and left a message. She was more relaxed with touch, but I was still pretty uptight about it. She started sharing more of her own life. At some point, she got a lot more relaxed on time and would often go over 30 minutes or more with me. I found out she was not scheduling anyone right after me just in case I needed the extra time. (she didn't charge me for the extra time either) I didn't like that though, felt guilty, so I started watching the clock myself and made sure I left after my 50 minutes. So anyway, ever though she loosened them a lot, I just continued on the same way as always. I like good strong boundaries.

[JustShakey]

My T's boundaries have definitely relaxed over time. That seems normal to me - like any healthy relationship.

[AllHeart]

My T has decreased her boundaries. When I started with her 1.5 years ago, T allowed 1 email per week in between sessions, and response time to that email would be 24-48 hours. She gave me her home office phone number for emergency use only. She mentioned early on that she has a cell phone, but that line was strictly saved for her own personal use and she would never give that number out to a client.

About 3-4 months in, T allowed me to email her as I needed. She also started to give hugs during our sessions, but I do not know her exact boundaries on touch. Sessions started to go longer than the alloted time. About 6-7 months in, emails became unlimited and 2-way (she emailed me first sometimes) though neither one of us overdid it. Eventually, email contact became almost daily, and not always therapy related. Response time from T became very quick.

Phone calls are welcome anytime now. T gave me her cell phone number a while ago. When T goes on vacation now, she tells me to call her cell if I need her whereas she used to give me the name and number of one of her colleagues. She went on a vacation a while ago where she wasn't able to get cell phone reception so she gave me the number to the hotel she was staying at. I usually do not instigate contact first when T is on vacation. She usually shoots me emails or texts when she is away.

There has also been a lot of self-disclosure from T. T also said her boundaries restrict her from telling clients she loves them, but she has told me many times she loves me. She has told me I am "special" and a "friend." We do have a very special bond, and it is felt both ways.

T and I communicate A LOT during the week usually by email but lately it seems like it’s more by phone. The relationship we have is well, strange, but I wouldn't change it for anything because I have finally learned how to give and accept unconditional, selfless love with another adult. This relationship has been a life-saver for me. Just the same, the road leading to this amazing relationship wasn’t easy. There was so much confusion (what is so special about me that T would break her boundaries), worry (delayed email response made me wonder if T was going to reestablish boundaries), and fear (eventual abandonment seemed inevitable) it made me crazy many-a-day. It was hellaciously painful at times. Plus, there was some intense self-disclosure from T that was downright damaging.

I’m to the point now where this relationship is having an all-positive effect on me. Well, almost -- there are times every now and again that I worry T will stop loving me. Yet, I am confident that T and I will be a part of each other’s life in some way until one of us dies.

[stopdog]

The therapist has said mine are much tighter than hers. I don't have any difficulties with the ones the woman has as long as she stays back away from me. Mine are much more important to me than the therapist's.

[iheartjacques]

My T has tight boundaries. Even after 2.5 years.

[MaybeYes]

I think my T's boundaries have loosened over time just because of the natural progression of the relationship. I know he does things with me that he doesn't do with other clients and I'm sure he does things with other clients he doesn't do with me. He said I was the first client he let drink alcohol in his office. Admittedly not one of my finer moments, but I think he handled it really well. He says he hugs some clients, but not everyone.

[AncientMelody]

I don't know exactly that it's a boundary per se, but my pyschiatrist has made an exception for me with scheduling. She's cut her hours because she's going to be working at Community Mental Health also, so she's no longer working late hours. However, I expressed concern because I have to drive an hour from my work to her office for my appointments, so she is willing to see me after hours. That meant a lot to me when she told me that.

[musinglizzy]

My T started off more loose, then tightened them after 9 months. I'm still not over it, and can't think of anything I said or did wrong to cause her to do this. She did say she had looser boundaries because she was trying to earn my trust and help me feel comfortable, and once she thought she had that, boundaries went up. Very very painful experience for me still.

[atisketatasket]

I'm not even sure what No. 2's boundaries are, because she gave absolutely no rules at the beginning. From her behavior, though, I'm pretty sure she doesn't encourage touch. She always answers between-session phone calls left on her voice mail (but since I never call in crisis, only to do something like ask for a change in session time, I don't know what she would do if I called about something else), but didn't tell me to email her until recently (and that was because I needed a document from her). It's possible she's just reacting to my obvious boundaries.

No. 1 started out announcing her boundaries, and has demonstrated repeatedly recently that she would love to relax them around me. I have not accepted.

[scorpiosis37]

My T's boundaries have gotten progressively looser over time, which I think is natural as you get to know and trust someone more. She has always said that her rules with regard to touch, outside-of-session contact, and self-disclosure are case-specific, and she is pretty relaxed with me.. I've been with her for 5 years, so she knows what to expect from me and that I will never over-step her boundaries so I think she feels pretty comfortable with touch, text/email here and there, and sharing more about her own life. Her daughter is interested in going into my field, and it has actually been really nice to hear a little bit about her daughter's interests and to be able to provide a few resources for her to pass on to her daughter. I'm glad that my T operates the way she does, because I think it would hurt my feelings if she ever tightened her boundaries.

[musinglizzy]

It makes more sense to me to START with tight boundaries, then tailor them to the client as the T gets to know them more. But I'm not a T....so what do I know? LOL

Giving, then taking away, is just too painful.

I haven't experienced a change in boundaries. They were relaxed to begin with: I'm encouraged to email, text and call 24/7 and T is actually disappointend when I'm not doing well and I don't call/text.

Yes. Ex T "bent" her boundary of no touch. She let me squeeze her finger once when I was distraught.

Then after a few more sessions, I asked if I could hug her. I didn't hug her every session but did on rough ones.

I don't think current T has relaxed her boundaries with me. She's comfortable with hugging so we tend to hug at the end of sessions. She has said she'd never give anything she is uncomfortable with, or might grow to resent later. She thinks that relaxing boundaries, then tightening them isn't good.

[nottrustin]

Honestly I don't know what her boundaries are with other clients. Over the years she has become very relaxed with me. I know there are things she has encouraged and allowed me to do that she doesn't allow others. I never initiated his. I am pretty sure she knew I never would. So she started asking after some painful sessions and I told her I would love that. After a while she stopped asking..We hug at the end of every session.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by qwertykeyboard

there has been a lot of talk recently about t's taking things away/strengthening boundaries, so i was wondering if anyone had experience starting with stricter boundaries and then t loosened them over time ie adding hugs/texting/touching/etc. what effect has this had on you?

I REALIZE I MIS-TITLED THIS, MEANT TO CALL IT "DECREASE IN BOUNDARIES"

For some reason I assumed that the boundaries would loosen as time went on. But that isn't really what happened.