Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I have been on the forum, for a variety of reasons, but it has always been an awesome resource for me, and I have a need for some advice.

Little back ground: after some months, from about March to June, struggling to make progress because I was preoccupied with attachment to my T, I proposed a break, and asked if she would be open to restarting if I could sort my thoughts. She said sure. I felt I sorted my thoughts, and so we had a meeting just 2-3 weeks later (perhaps a little too soon for her) in which she told me her lack of experience in attachment and transference made referring out the best option in her professional opinion. I have absolutely no issues with the way she handled it; I'm only upset I kinda ruined the working relationship by always being worried I was annoying or messing up, and resulting in overbearing her and fulfilling that worry in a cyclical way. She gave me from the end of June to end of August to try and wind down with her, and while I never felt much better about it, I couldn't have asked any more from her.

I'll preface my main question by acknowledging this seems to be a longshot, but I would love other perspectives, especially third parties'.

I have tried a couple other therapists, in CBT and DBT, and to make the whole past couple months concise: spent two weeks in hospital and two weeks in a partial hospital program. I'm currently off meds (including benzos!) and so strange areas of progress have been made. I do recognize SSRIs, etc. are less of a problem for long-term use, and so should not be stopped without diligent monitoring, so my new psychiatrist and I have been watching my mood for almost two months, and I seem fine without any meds. My mood is generally good, but with tough decisions or dilemmas to figure out, my first, confident instinct is to speak with my old therapist, and it is very hard to resist the urge. That one drawback really hurts because it feels hard to move past, given in the past she is the very person I would have talked to about feeling stuck.

I feel trapped in many areas that I want to make progress in, almost all of which I so strongly associate with this previous therapist, given the success I had with her while figuring things out for a year and a half. Sorry for the wordiness, but in a nutshell:

What are thoughts on contacting my ex-therapist for more periodic visits - no more than once a month?

Along with supplying me with generally great advice, something about the weekly "check-up," which would become less frequent in this hypothetical, kept me focused. I know this is something I need to internalize, and I feel close to it, which is another reason I'm hesitant to start a whole new therapeutic relationship in which I'd have so much to catch up on. I could write forever, so I'll stop there, thanks in advance for any thoughts!



- Alex

[ruh roh]

In the beginning of your post, you described a struggle to make progress because of attachment...how did that turn into your later conclusion at the end of your post that you made great progress with her? It sounds like the attachment is still pretty strong. That's not a negative judgment at all. I think attachment is fine, as long as the therapist can help get you through it (if it's getting in the way, as you've shared). And this one has said she can't help with that. I would believe her, and let this one go.

I think that if therapy once a week was difficult with her, therapy once a month may well be harder. It's hard when we are attached to a therapist to let them go, but moving on can be helpful.