Scared to ask T

My T is CBT oriented, I would characterize her as "solution based". Sometimes there are things that really bother me about it. For example I have a benign brain tumor, and have some cognitive deficits but they're not obvious. For the most part people think I'm smart. They think I'm imagining things when I tell them about my cognitive issues. My T has seen my neuropsycological test results and understands some of this, and is willing to understand better. However, I was telling her about my memory problems and giving examples. She seemed to think I was getting old! LOL. It hurts though, because while I am getting older, the problem is my brain tumor. Basically, I'm just not feeling the sympathy. There are other examples too.

How do I tell her I need more understanding and sympathy? I mean, it seems really weird to ask for sympathy.

Maybe as a side note I should add that while I know I'm not the only one with those sorts of problems, I feel very alone in my situation. My T sees this and tries to point out I'm not the only one, but this doesn't help. It just makes me feel more alone and less understood.

My T will be like this sometimes. I don't think he is trying to be insensitive, I think he is trying to say, "hey, x issue is normal, lots of people deal with it and are okay, and you will be too."

But like you are saying sometimes that is not what I want to hear! What I want to hear is acknowledgement that "x issue" SUCKS!! This is especially important to hear from a T if we aren't getting it from anyone else in our lives.

So I would say it is totally okay and right to ask for sympathy from a T. Could you explain it to them as you have here? "I appreciate the practical advice, but sometimes I just want some sympathy as I vent about my problems."



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I am sorry you feel so alone! Of course you would feel not understood, if your T only points out facts such as you are getting old, and you are not the only one with this problem. Do you think she is like this because of her CBT orientation, maybe she tends to not give sympathy? I understand it is hard and scary to ask for what you need.

You could tell her just what you wrote above. Give the examples, how it hurts, how you feel alone with it all. And if you are uncomfortable asking for sympathy, what about asking for compassion and/or empathy instead?

Part of it is that I could never say anything like that to my mom without risking a very negative reaction. The other part is that I'm afraid that my T is going to think I'm saying we are a bad match.

I used to say to my T "you're not being nice", "you're being mean", and "you're not listening to me". She would state facts, but forgot to give empathy at the same time. After months of conflicts, we finally understand each other.

I also relate to feeling alone. There is this thing from my past that haunts me. It is actually more common than people assume. Most people just keep it a secret. But I still feel alone. Neither ex-T nor this T have had a client admit to it...