[InRealLife45]

Discussed tonight. Thought it was interesting and made me look deep below the surface.



A two choice dilemma occurs when you want two choices at the same time, but you can only have one choice at a time. It is an I want ___ AND ____ statement - not OR.

For instance, we all want to grow AND we want to avoid the anxiety involved in growing.

Or "I want to have an affair AND I want to be married to you, who desires a monogamous relationship and would leave if I told you about the affair."

Mine is: I want to stay in school, graduate and work as a therapist AND I want to drop out of school so I don't have to confront myself or my past in ways that are uncomfortable and emotionally distressing.

What is YOUR two choice dilemma?



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I want to have friends to go out with to have coffee and meals and chat with

AND

I don't want to socialise and meet new people or meet existing people I know because I'm severely introverted, very anxious, and believe I'm defective.

Ambivalence. My life is full of that.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Ambivalence. My life is full of that.

How is ambivalence a two choice dilemma?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[CantExplain]

I want
(1) to go back to Madame T and
(2) to forget all about her.

But really, the second option is the only one that has any chance of working.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

How is ambivalence a two choice dilemma?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ambivalence is how you feel when you can't choose.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I want
(1) to go back to Madame T and
(2) to forget all about her.

But really, the second option is the only one that has any chance of working.

Yea I feel you on that one. Did you ever open the letter she sent?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Ambivalence is how you feel when you can't choose.

I know the definition of the word. It's just not a two choice dilemma.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

Yea I feel you on that one. Did you ever open the letter she sent?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The one from last year? Yes, I opened that in January of February this year. It was conciliatory but lukewarm. She didn't even say, "Come in and talk about it."

No reply yet to my latest batch (earlier this month). It might be best if she doesn't reply.

I want to be free from the painful transference that occurred with T1 and I want to be friends with him.

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

I know the definition of the word. It's just not a two choice dilemma.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

But it's not just about 2 choices. We have mixed feelings about everything so the choices become splintered.

[unaluna]

Economics calls it opportunity cost. The cost of doing one thing is letting go of the other. I was talking to a student on the bus yesterday who recently switched from psychology to econ and was talking about how similar the two subjects were. I believe that, but i never heard anyone else say it.

[divine1966]

I always have some kind of dilemma going on. Right now I wonder if I should increase my 403b contribution or keep it the same but increase my other payments . Should I switch my auto insurance in hopes to have a lower payment or keep the same one. Should we get engaged this winter and move in together or should we wait till the spring/summer and move in together prior to that. I can go on. Right now I have a dilemma if I should use remaining prep time on cleaning my messy desk or read PC and get nothing done lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Economics calls it opportunity cost. The cost of doing one thing is letting go of the other. I was talking to a student on the bus yesterday who recently switched from psychology to econ and was talking about how similar the two subjects were. I believe that, but i never heard anyone else say it.

Yes I can see that. Cost of doing one thing is letting go of another - letting the other person/people involved make their choices, then you are presented with two new choices from there, but you can never have both your original choices.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I always have some kind of dilemma going on. Right now I wonder if I should increase my 403b contribution or keep it the same but increase my other payments . Should I switch my auto insurance in hopes to have a lower payment or keep the same one. Should we get engaged this winter and move in together or should we wait till the spring/summer and move in together prior to that. I can go on. Right now I have a dilemma if I should use remaining prep time on cleaning my messy desk or read PC and get nothing done lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Two choice dilemmas are not exactly the same as a regular dilemma.

They involve wanting two things that cannot exist at once (they frequently come up in relationships).

One of yours could be phrased as a two choice dilemma of, say, you wanted to move in with your fiance, AND you want to live alone and maintain your privacy and independence. Those two things cannot coexist so they are two choice dilemmas where you are forced to choose one and forever let go of the other bc there is no world where you can have both.

Also it looks like you have already solved that prep time dilemma bc you are on pc lol!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

But it's not just about 2 choices. We have mixed feelings about everything so the choices become splintered.

I think if you sat and thought about it for awhile: really thought- you might be able to come up with a true two choice dilemma.

Not a list of regular dilemmas, or a blanket statement of splintered choices- but an actual deep desire for two things that you cannot have at the same time, that you may not even be aware you desire.

Last night we had to write them down and confront them and read them aloud so we couldn't hide from them or forget that we had become cognizant of them.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Petra5ed]

I think this two choice dilemma is a hallmark of being human. What's not a two choice dilemma for me would be a shorter list.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

I think this two choice dilemma is a hallmark of being human. What's not a two choice dilemma for me would be a shorter list.

Yes you are absolutely right!!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JaneTennison1]

I want people to think I am strong, healthy and capable AND I want them to see my chronic illness and how weak it leaves me.

I want both. Please recognise how hard things are but please also ignore that so we can chat about different things.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

I want people to think I am strong, healthy and capable AND I want them to see my chronic illness and how weak it leaves me.

I want both. Please recognise how hard things are but please also ignore that so we can chat about different things.

Excellent recognition of your two choice dilemma, and I'm sorry that you are in that spot. ::

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

Two choice dilemmas are not exactly the same as a regular dilemma.

They involve wanting two things that cannot exist at once (they frequently come up in relationships).

One of yours could be phrased as a two choice dilemma of, say, you wanted to move in with your fiance, AND you want to live alone and maintain your privacy and independence. Those two things cannot coexist so they are two choice dilemmas where you are forced to choose one and forever let go of the other bc there is no world where you can have both.

Also it looks like you have already solved that prep time dilemma bc you are on pc lol!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I believe we make choices every day and most choices cannot co exist. So it's all choice dilemma. I just don't have any deeply profound ones or related to mental health or relationship right now. It's all rather mundane but important to me in a long run and I am really debating if I should increase my retirement contribution and cut other payments or decrease contribution and pay other things. And so on. Sometimes every day routine life is where we make the most decisions



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk